floods88 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 i keep wondering whether or not he thinks of me at all. i keep thinking that its impossible to live with someone for 3 years and do everything with this person and get used to a certain way of life and not give them a second thought after the break up. but then i think, maybe it is that easy for him, maybe what we had wasnt as honest and 'true' as i was led to believe. he said when he split up with me it was the hardest thing he has ever done and before i started NC a week ago, he wouldnt see me or anything because he 'wouldnt be strong enough to tell me how he felt in person', yet when he did see me he tried to act like we were old friends and even reminded me of times that we shared together after a week and a half of being split up! i just dont know how to feel or think and the worse thing about this is all is the confusion. part of me wants him to tell me that i never meant anything to him and i dont enter his mind at all so that i cant wonder and agonize anymore. i just feel so stuck and NC is just making me want to know what is on his mind.
Ilovecake Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Yeah they think about us. I would think they would have to be completely dead inside not to. It's probably a shock for them as well, I mean it is a big change to talk to and see someone every day for three years and then go to absolutely nothing. There is a period of mourning for both sides but for one person it can be mixed with a sense of relief. However that does not mean they want to be in a romantic relationship with us.
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Sure its possible. Ive broken up most of the relationships Ive been in. I say most not really able to recall one where I didnt. But that doesnt mean its easy. Ive been fortunate enough to be with some really wonderful people. Outstanding women. I mean there is a reason you choose to be with someone on a long term basis. I dont hate any of my exes. Just for different reasons I didnt feel like it was good to continue those relationships. And I can be pretty methodical about those things precisely because I know with my personality it would be near impossible to come back later because I made a mistake. I think it through a lot, and probably end up staying in the relationsip longer than I should of really. So when I leave its because I really need to leave, and wont be coming back. But in no way does that make the pain less. I imagine it must be exactly the same often enough. And I do do the whole no contact thing. Not for them as much as for me, Because I dont want to be tempted back, and it can be real easy for that to happen. Plus it prolongs the pain. I personally dont start dating again right away, though it works for some people. Not out of any longering sense of loyalty or respect for the ended relationship, but just because there is no way the new person is going to be able to compete with the ex, however great they are themselves. They dont have the history or emotional attachment, so being with them just tends to magnify the good of the previous partner for me and makes me want to go back more.
nobleguy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I'm sure my ex missed (and possibly still misses) me. Probably not as much as I miss her, but she shows signs regularly of not quite knowing if what she is doing is the right thing for her. I can imagine a lot of dumpers feel the same. I guess it's a big step no matter how sure you are about it at the time.
teanoranges Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 My ex had told me he does miss me and think about me a lot, its just not in that way anymore. He loves me, but not like that, and he'll never love me again like that. But I'm still a great person and his best friend (though I think he says this just to ease the pain.) I think my ex thinks the same as jerseyboy, nice to know though, cause the hope is completely gone.
Thebob Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I'm sure my ex missed (and possibly still misses) me. Probably not as much as I miss her, but she shows signs regularly of not quite knowing if what she is doing is the right thing for her. I can imagine a lot of dumpers feel the same. I guess it's a big step no matter how sure you are about it at the time. He does, but a lot of people hold there emotions back. You can always see how someone actually feels through their eyes if you looked deep enough. I mean my ex has a new boyfriend within 2 months of our relationship. I'm sure she still thinks of me because she wished me a happy-birthday and what not. One day my ex will realize how immature she is. Thebob
Thornton Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Sorry, but I don't think dumpers necessarily miss the person they dumped. I was with my ex for 3 years, and when I dumped him it was just a great sense of relief not to have him getting in the way of me living my life any more. I didn't miss him at all, I was too busy going out and having fun, and doing all the things I couldn't do when I was stuck at home with boring boyfriend. He even cried to me on the phone, which just turned me off even more because it was pathetic. It must have happened about 7 years ago now, and I still never think about him and miss him - if he ever crosses my mind I just think how glad I am that I dumped him, because by the end I really didn't feel anything for him beyond annoyance that he was holding me back and acting like a clingy child. I feel ill when I think about one ex, because I really don't know what I saw in him. I had two other long term relationships which I ended, each of which lasted a couple of years... while I occasionally think about some of the fun things we did and the places we went, I never think fondly of the boyfriends themselves, except in a detached "Yeah, he was a decent guy, I wish him well" sort of way. I never have any loving feelings or any regret - if I had any loving feelings left I wouldn't have dumped them in the first place.
Ilovecake Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I'm sure of one thing, I know he misses my Pot Roast.
Ilovecake Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Sorry, but I don't think dumpers necessarily miss the person they dumped. I was with my ex for 3 years, and when I dumped him it was just a great sense of relief not to have him getting in the way of me living my life any more. I didn't miss him at all, I was too busy going out and having fun, and doing all the things I couldn't do when I was stuck at home with boring boyfriend. He even cried to me on the phone, which just turned me off even more because it was pathetic. It must have happened about 7 years ago now, and I still never think about him and miss him - if he ever crosses my mind I just think how glad I am that I dumped him, because by the end I really didn't feel anything for him beyond annoyance that he was holding me back and acting like a clingy child. I feel ill when I think about one ex, because I really don't know what I saw in him. I had two other long term relationships which I ended, each of which lasted a couple of years... while I occasionally think about some of the fun things we did and the places we went, I never think fondly of the boyfriends themselves, except in a detached "Yeah, he was a decent guy, I wish him well" sort of way. I never have any loving feelings or any regret - if I had any loving feelings left I wouldn't have dumped them in the first place. Ouch, that's harsh.
Ultiman Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Sorry, but I don't think dumpers necessarily miss the person they dumped. I was with my ex for 3 years, and when I dumped him it was just a great sense of relief not to have him getting in the way of me living my life any more. I didn't miss him at all, I was too busy going out and having fun, and doing all the things I couldn't do when I was stuck at home with boring boyfriend. He even cried to me on the phone, which just turned me off even more because it was pathetic. It must have happened about 7 years ago now, and I still never think about him and miss him - if he ever crosses my mind I just think how glad I am that I dumped him, because by the end I really didn't feel anything for him beyond annoyance that he was holding me back and acting like a clingy child. I feel ill when I think about one ex, because I really don't know what I saw in him. I had two other long term relationships which I ended, each of which lasted a couple of years... while I occasionally think about some of the fun things we did and the places we went, I never think fondly of the boyfriends themselves, except in a detached "Yeah, he was a decent guy, I wish him well" sort of way. I never have any loving feelings or any regret - if I had any loving feelings left I wouldn't have dumped them in the first place. These are the bitchhes that need to get shot. How can u stay with someone for 3 years just toying with them how ****king sad
clv0116 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Honestly I seldom look back. Once in a very long while, over a nice glass of wine maybe but by and large nope, almost never crosses my mind. What good would that do?
DustySaltus Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I sure as hell miss the $7,000 engagement ring that I gave her. I absolutely believe in Karma and down the line when we begin to care less and less....they always seem to come back into the picture. Especially if they dumped you for selfish reasons.
Thornton Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 These are the bitchhes that need to get shot. How can u stay with someone for 3 years just toying with them how ****king sad On the contrary, I tried with that relationship for three years instead of just giving up. He was unemployed for a long time and showed no signs of finding a job, despite his repeated promises. He had no ambition or drive, despite my best efforts to motivate him. He gained weight and became very overweight and unattractive, and despite his repeated promises to lose weight he never did, he just continued to sit on his backside and stuff his face. Our sex life pretty much ground to a halt because I just didn't find him attractive, either physically or in terms of his attitude. He became increasingly clingy and pathetic and possessive, and didn't want to go out and do stuff; he just wanted to lounge around at home and for a long time I stayed home with him. After a while I got fed up and started to go out without him, and in the end I just broke up with him because the relationship was never going to improve. It was a huge relief to finally be out of the relationship and move on with my life rather than constantly waiting for him to sort himself out. So if you think I deserve to be shot for hanging around and giving someone an opportunity to change rather than just dumping him straight away, then I guess you're entitled to your opinion.
hopeless4u Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I'm in a very different relationship than you but, no I truly don't think they stop thinking about something that was/is special to them but having said that people move on, we have to. Not sure why you split up but if you want to elaborate then I'll listen. x
Tamia78 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I absolutely believe in Karma and down the line when we begin to care less and less....they always seem to come back into the picture. Especially if they dumped you for selfish reasons. Yes..........they do, and that's completely annoying! I personally don't think they miss US, exactly, but what we did for them. Usually, it's while they're dating some other person who doesn't do something for them that you did............yeah, then they miss us. Hehe....I'm in my angry stage now, does it show??? --T
nobleguy Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 So if you think I deserve to be shot for hanging around and giving someone an opportunity to change rather than just dumping him straight away, then I guess you're entitled to your opinion. I think Ultiman was perhaps a bit harsh, but your initial post did kind of smack of someone that doesn't care too much for people. I do kind of see your point and where you are coming from but I have to admit I read that post and thought 'Jesus, hope I don't end up with someone so heartless...'. I don't know. Ignore me. I'm probably being over-sensitive LOL!
Ilovecake Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 On the contrary, I tried with that relationship for three years instead of just giving up. He was unemployed for a long time and showed no signs of finding a job, despite his repeated promises. He had no ambition or drive, despite my best efforts to motivate him. He gained weight and became very overweight and unattractive, and despite his repeated promises to lose weight he never did, he just continued to sit on his backside and stuff his face. Our sex life pretty much ground to a halt because I just didn't find him attractive, either physically or in terms of his attitude. He became increasingly clingy and pathetic and possessive, and didn't want to go out and do stuff; he just wanted to lounge around at home and for a long time I stayed home with him. After a while I got fed up and started to go out without him, and in the end I just broke up with him because the relationship was never going to improve. It was a huge relief to finally be out of the relationship and move on with my life rather than constantly waiting for him to sort himself out. So if you think I deserve to be shot for hanging around and giving someone an opportunity to change rather than just dumping him straight away, then I guess you're entitled to your opinion. Sounds like you still think about him, a lot.
amtz Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 I would say it depends how the whole relationship went... There is a point where you just fed up of giving them the chance of changing and they simply never do!! It happen to me a couple years back. I really tried to get along with this girl for 2 years, but she kept doing things over and over again till I finally decided to brake up for the good of me. Loving her a whole bunch but it was the best thing to do. There are cases where the dumper brakes up for no reason and the dumped one is all devastated. At this point yo are not attractive to the dumper, but as someone said earlier everyone has a mourning period the one dumped sooner than the dumper, but when remorse strikes HUALA!! I'm also a hard believer of KARMA when you think of them the least they come back. This happens when they see you with someone else or having a good time and what not. They in fact think that your life will be miserable with out them and it is at some point, but not for long. Bottom line is you were in ass to your EX why should they think of you?? If you gave it your best even though you (ME INCLUDED) got dumped sooner or later they realize what they did! Will pray for you
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