Author stellargirl9 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Posted November 23, 2009 Freestyle, I am reading the signs of an emotional manipulator you sent and oh my god its like its written about him! ALL of it!!
Juniper22 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Freestyle and Juniper and just everyone here- thank you so much for being so kind and compassionate to me. You guys are the best. I am going to read over these articles now and hope they help sink some sense into me. Just to provide amusement here is ANOTHER email he just sent below (and I say amusement cause thanks to you guys I am starting to see clearer): I still love you, I always will, but you had DAMN WELL BETTER wake up. please honey dont screw this up. At this point, I think you either need to just block him, period. Or email him back and at least let him know you're through, its done and over. You do not need to explain yourself any further after that. Because, that is what will happen. He will want you to explain what you mean. It will just go on and on email after email bewtween you both, and nothing will get resolved. he will cuss you out just to turn around and say he is sorry, loves you and misses you. It's crazy! Let us know what you decide to do. Right now, it sounds as if he is just going to keep sending you emails, until you put a stop to it.
Author stellargirl9 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Posted November 23, 2009 Your right Juniper....I was thinking he doesn't even deserve an explanation. I am not big on revenge cause I think it hurts you as much as the person you are seeking revenge on....but in this case I think the best "revenge" is for me to just vanish, no explanations at all as he doesn't really deserve one. What do you think?
Juniper22 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Your right Juniper....I was thinking he doesn't even deserve an explanation. I am not big on revenge cause I think it hurts you as much as the person you are seeking revenge on....but in this case I think the best "revenge" is for me to just vanish, no explanations at all as he doesn't really deserve one. What do you think? I think it sounds like a plan. Are you going to block his emails, his phone number etc? Or are you going to keep reading the emails with just no response back? Personally I would just block him. Don't read anymore of his emails, they will only hurt you, make you mad and confuse you more. I think he has shown enough of his true colors.
Author stellargirl9 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Posted November 23, 2009 Your right I should go ahead and block but out of pettiness I am going to let him mail away a couple days just to give me a little smile as HE is the one who goes nuts!
serialgf Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 hi stellargirl... just wanted to say keep up the good work... its hard letting go of someone who you've spent so much time with... in reading your thread i was reminded of another one from a few weeks ago here it is http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t203155/?highlight=lied+weekend i thought it might help you... this is a woman who was in a very similar situation with a similarly manipulative man... but she ends up on top!! its a rather long thread so read it if you have time! i think you're going to be a-okay cheers! sgf
Author stellargirl9 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Posted November 23, 2009 hi stellargirl... just wanted to say keep up the good work... its hard letting go of someone who you've spent so much time with... in reading your thread i was reminded of another one from a few weeks ago here it is http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t203155/?highlight=lied+weekend i thought it might help you... this is a woman who was in a very similar situation with a similarly manipulative man... but she ends up on top!! its a rather long thread so read it if you have time! i think you're going to be a-okay cheers! sgf I am reading through that post now, thanks so much for sending! Wow it DOES sound like my situation.
serialgf Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I am reading through that post now, thanks so much for sending! Wow it DOES sound like my situation. oh good i'm glad it helps! it's really helpful when you can find someone who went through and overcame a very similar situation!! i think it's particularly helpful to just read the OP (original poster, in this case Heartford) posts because you can see her journey through "recovery" from this situation... i must say she was pretty strong through the whole thing (her bf even showed up at her house several times - go will power!) and i think you can be just as strong! good luck! keep posting!
SageThyme Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 ok now I wonder if he is just playing games or a total psychopath, here is an email he sent me last night, please read and tell me what you think: To me, besides your mistrust, everything else about you surpasses every woman on earth. If you want to be together heres what you have to do.. give me space accept my life and understand who and what i am. respect my privacy as i do yours. no more questions, if i have something i want you to know i'll tell you get rid of ALL your email and phone numbers, I have no more time for loser freaks following my every move online, or yours. be everything a normal partner is, and nothing you have chosen to be. get psychiatric help and take medication if necessary, which it is. realize i am a human being who has lived a loving time in peace and with a clear heart, and that you have tainted that beyond measure and filled my world with lies and deceit and fear. Ugh, this email reminds me of my abusive ex-boyfriend. I still don't know, but I strongly believe he is a sociopath. He shows no remorse in using other people for his own gains ...and the sad thing is, they play the game of humanity well. They know how to fit in and be well-liked, because they can put on the perfect game face. I'm not saying that's how he is, StellarGirl, but he reminds me of my ex. And here's why: 1) He's trying to isolate you. Telling you to get rid of phone numbers or emails is trying to both destroy evidence you have of the reality of his abuse (which in turn separates you from your own sanity), and it is also isolating you from your network of support. 2) He feels entitled to make you in his image, not respect yours. Saying "be everything a normal partner is, and nothing you have chosen to be" is disrespecting you as a person. He is not acknowledging your strengths, or even your character. Instead he is saying that there is an image in his head that he expects you to live up to, and he will be lose it if you are off in the slightest bit. That's not love; that's power and control. 3) He wants nothing to interfere with his "freedom". That means no accountability, no responsibility, no need to answer to anyone. Really, that's not real freedom; that's an excuse to be irresponsible. In order to build trust, he has to open up to you - especially about topics like these that can be upsetting. It doesn't mean that you are controlling him - it means that you have the right to make sure your relationship is a safe and healthy one. Cheating on you is one of those big things that can ruin that; he needs to be sensitive to that. "No more questions" - what kind of bull**** is that?! 4) "You have tainted that beyond measure and filled my world with lies and deceit and fear." That one just gets me. In case he had forgotten, you both occupy the same world. He is obviously somewhere different in his mind, and if he expects to work together with you in a healthy relationship (which he obviously doesn't, if he's telling you "what you need to do"), then he needs to come towards you, not push farther away. That quote? It shows that he doesn't have a problem with HIS OWN anger - rather, he has a problem with YOUR potential anger. And that's a classic sign of abuse. Drop him. You cannot help him. As painful as it is, he has played this game for a very long time. You will only get hurt, and he will never get "well." Love yourself, and someday you will attract someone who is in it for you. Peace.
Author stellargirl9 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Thank you for your reply. I needed to hear that. I love this forum cause its helping keep me strong through this. Its just all so hard to come to terms with.
Author stellargirl9 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Good morning. I am SO not feeling good today. This is so hard to deal with!!
serialgf Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 hang in there stellargirl! you will come out of this much stronger and wiser!!
Author stellargirl9 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 I sure hope so. He has been sending me insane emails all morning. I say insane in terms of once again calling me names and how I screw everything up- yet keeps mailing. Its taking all I got to not respond but I know well that kills someone worse than writing back exploding. To not give him the slightest attention.
lizziem Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Hi stellargirl, It's my first time posting, (well I sometimes lurk for support in my own relationship) but your thread makes me want to post =) I'm sorry you're having a rough day, but just hang on .. well, you're right, he's going to feel worse definitely by you not replying... but as soon as things get too tough from your side, just remember that the option of blocking him is still available. he's an *******. u deserve better =). Lizzie
serialgf Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 hi stellargirl from what you've said he sounds like a grade A manipulator which means he is very self-absorbed/self-centered... he is writing those emails because HE feels bad that you haven't called HIM... it has (almost) nothing to do with you... the only reason he needs you is so that he can have someone to lay it on... you should count your lucky stars that you are finally seeing his true colors before god forbid you had a child or anything with this jerk... you, on the other hand, are a giving, kind person so you are confused as to how he could do this to you... once again, he is callous and self-centered so he is not even thinking about YOUR FEELINGS.. i can pretty much guarantee this... if the emails are making it hard for you just BLOCK HIM now girl!! you will feel so much more empowered!! you will come out of this better and stronger sg!! good luck!
Author stellargirl9 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 Hi stellargirl, It's my first time posting, (well I sometimes lurk for support in my own relationship) but your thread makes me want to post =) I'm sorry you're having a rough day, but just hang on .. well, you're right, he's going to feel worse definitely by you not replying... but as soon as things get too tough from your side, just remember that the option of blocking him is still available. he's an *******. u deserve better =). Lizzie aww thanks Lizzie!
Author stellargirl9 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 hi stellargirl from what you've said he sounds like a grade A manipulator which means he is very self-absorbed/self-centered... he is writing those emails because HE feels bad that you haven't called HIM... it has (almost) nothing to do with you... the only reason he needs you is so that he can have someone to lay it on... you should count your lucky stars that you are finally seeing his true colors before god forbid you had a child or anything with this jerk... you, on the other hand, are a giving, kind person so you are confused as to how he could do this to you... once again, he is callous and self-centered so he is not even thinking about YOUR FEELINGS.. i can pretty much guarantee this... if the emails are making it hard for you just BLOCK HIM now girl!! you will feel so much more empowered!! you will come out of this better and stronger sg!! good luck! Thanks serialgf.... thing is his emails aren't tempting me to reply. Oh and he has also tried calling twice today but didn't leave voice mails. In fact the strange thing is its actually empowering me to finally see what a jerk he is and gain a tiny bit of satisfaction that he can't do his games on me anymore. Now don't get me wrong- by no means am I saying I am cured...I am very hurt and totally miss the image I had of him before his true nature finally became visible to me. I have spent the day so far doing things to feel better- things like starting a new journal, throwing away a ton of things that remind me of him, drinking tea, and just trying my best to get into a new mind set for life- a life that doesn't include him. I am sure like I said earlier in this post that in a day or two I will have to go ahead an block his email, etc but its feeling good to see him squirm and trying to contact me and not giving him the time of day.
SageThyme Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Thanks serialgf.... thing is his emails aren't tempting me to reply. Oh and he has also tried calling twice today but didn't leave voice mails. In fact the strange thing is its actually empowering me to finally see what a jerk he is and gain a tiny bit of satisfaction that he can't do his games on me anymore. Now don't get me wrong- by no means am I saying I am cured...I am very hurt and totally miss the image I had of him before his true nature finally became visible to me. I have spent the day so far doing things to feel better- things like starting a new journal, throwing away a ton of things that remind me of him, drinking tea, and just trying my best to get into a new mind set for life- a life that doesn't include him. I am sure like I said earlier in this post that in a day or two I will have to go ahead an block his email, etc but its feeling good to see him squirm and trying to contact me and not giving him the time of day. This sounds like a healthy way to move forward. You are being very strong... Keep it up!
Author stellargirl9 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 First, happy Thanksgiving to everyone!~ Wanted to update you on things. I did super good yesterday and the day before with totally avoiding contact, throwing stuff of his out, avoiding his multiple emails and texts. Today I am feeling uneasy but I am aware enough to know its because of the holiday.
Author stellargirl9 Posted November 26, 2009 Author Posted November 26, 2009 This is Macdonald Carey, and These are the Days of Our Lives. good one
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