Confused728 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 said he respected the decision i made(Prob about NC) saying That i think it might be easy for him but its not and that he has alot of regrets for letting what happend happen, and said he didnt want to be a bother. i have been on NC with him now for about seven weeks... what do you think his goals are, is he tyring to work things out with me..should i answer, should i wait till he sends a more specific email..I may be interestead in working something out with him sometime i just need to know when is a good time to respong. what is eveyones thoughts on this?
2sunny Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 said he respected the decision i made(Prob about NC) saying That i think it might be easy for him but its not and that he has alot of regrets for letting what happend happen, and said he didnt want to be a bother. i have been on NC with him now for about seven weeks... what do you think his goals are, is he tyring to work things out with me..should i answer, should i wait till he sends a more specific email..I may be interestead in working something out with him sometime i just need to know when is a good time to respong. what is eveyones thoughts on this? did he ask a SPECIFIC question that requires an answer? if not, then he's just trying to relieve his guilt for messing up a potentially good thing. i notice - the info in his email doesn't take any responsibility for his druggie habit or that he's doing anything to change things - therefore you have to figure that everything is just the same for him. since he didn't ask a question - you may have nothing to respond to.
Author Confused728 Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 He didnt ask any questions in the email just stated that he had regrets for letting what happened happen, and that its not as easy for him as i think..I havent answered him and i might not. I may wait sometime to see if it sends a more thorough email. I figured i might hear from him when he got back from his trip and had is fun...but its good to know he not finding it easy either
dietpepsi Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 He may also be under the impression that you have moved on with your life, due to your NC for 7 weeks, and is starting to tip toe his way in out of curiosity or whatever he's feeling. You have to ask yourself though "Will these interactions ultimately make me feel worse or better ?" If you are truly interested in working something out with him, you need to be apprehensive, he now needs to seek your trust, and not vice versa. Jumping head first in would probably be a bad move. He could be having a bad day and wants some attention. You have to think about all these things, you have had 7 weeks to go from emotional to logical. Those are good steps, don't take for granted what you have been able to build up to. Use it to you're advantage. Slow and low that is the tempo.
Author Confused728 Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 i definaly have been thinking things over thats why i havent replyed yet..i think i should wait few more weeks see if i get something else? what u think? I definalty need to take things slow and not go head first, i dont want him thinking that im easy and just gonna run back to him and have to see how he really feels..i think it prob took alot for him to send that email.. though it didnt say much other than him finally admiting that he shouldnt have let "what happened happen" and that its not as easy for him as i think it is.. i wish he put more detail in the email.. what do u think will happen next?
j_cali_man Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Confused, You have doen a bang up job of doing NC and 7 weeks is a helluva run. I agree in that you have invested and grown A TON emotionally to get this point. Obviously you value that and instead of jumping at your ex's breadcrumb email, you jumped online instead. Can't say I would of done the same but if it goes to 7 weeks for me, I plan to be as wise... J
Author Confused728 Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 i still havent answered i been doing alot of thinking if i want to get back with him or not, i dont even know if thats his intent in the email... who knows.. you think i should wait for a more specific email??
j_cali_man Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Why don't you write a reply and post it here for the group to read BEFORE sending it? Then they can walk you through things or even help you determine if a reply is worthwhile. Put your thoughts in writing for LS because it will help YOU whether he ever gets to read it...or not. J
2sunny Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 He didnt ask any questions in the email just stated that he had regrets for letting what happened happen, and that its not as easy for him as i think..I havent answered him and i might not. I may wait sometime to see if it sends a more thorough email. I figured i might hear from him when he got back from his trip and had is fun...but its good to know he not finding it easy either since he never asked a question - there is no reason to respond, yes? if he really wanted to INTERACT - he would CALL... men call when they want definite contact.
Author Confused728 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 i just dont know what to do, we never really talked on phone much we were usally always texting each other...im missing him today and feel like i wanna talk but i dont know what his email ment when he said it hasnt been easy for him and he has regrets does that mean he wants to change the situation or just laying out facts... i dont know
2sunny Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 i just dont know what to do, we never really talked on phone much we were usally always texting each other...im missing him today and feel like i wanna talk but i dont know what his email ment when he said it hasnt been easy for him and he has regrets does that mean he wants to change the situation or just laying out facts... i dont know if he wanted to change - he would say so - and he hasn't said that. if he wanted to lay out the facts - he would have - and he hasn't. there's really nothing to discuss with him because he's unwilling to give you the truth about what he has going on. he may not be able to actually admit it to himself. so, for you to make an effort is pointless until he's honest with himself and others what his issues are.
Author Confused728 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 why do you think he sent that email, do you think he was just trying to relive his own conscience, or does he really have an intrest in getting back with me and seeing how i feel..?/
hoping2heal Posted November 22, 2009 Posted November 22, 2009 He's still thinking of himself, and that should be the biggest red flag of all. Telling someone you respect their decision for NC and then oh, gee...BREAKING it? If you respect someone's decision to not speak to you, you do not call them up on the phone and say "oh hey, just a heads up here, I really respect your decision to not speak to me" uhm yeah, okay buddy. He wanted to do exactly what he has done, and that is get you thinking about him, get your thoughts cycling around him again. It fits HIS agenda, with no respect or concern for how you will be affected by it. So, again tread lightly because someone who is more concerned with accomplishing their agenda than your well being is not going to lead to a good thing.
Author Confused728 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 I dont mind if he breaks NC, i havent.. But if he has a genuine interest in getting back together and trying to work something out, I may, and thats a big MAY consider it. I havent answered him back.. he also sent a photo along with the picture he said he couldnt help sending it because its was somthing that i like..after he said that thats when he said he respected my desicion and that its not as easy for him as i think and he has alot of regrets about what happend..then said but i hope u enjoy the picture.. and take care.. what is his goal.. what do you think he is honestly trying to accomplish with that email?
Author Confused728 Posted November 22, 2009 Author Posted November 22, 2009 Im startin to think i should break 7 Weeks of nc to contact him, what are the pros and cons of doing this, i only want to do it becuase of the email he sent me... i dont knwo what to do
HokeyPokey Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 If you break 7 weeks of NC then that is 7 weeks of progress you will set yourself back. Be strong and don't answer. If he really is interested in reconciling he will contact you again, and again, and again....Just like most dumpees try to do immediately following the split. Of course he misses you. He feels a loss and will hurt as well, but that doesn't mean he has changed his mind. My ex did the SAME thing. He sent me a pic that reminded him of me and a letter talking about how much he missed me...I responded and heard nothing back for weeks, and he missed my bday. Shows how much he really cared and actually thought about me. I think if you email him back you will be disappointed in his response. NC is win-win. If he is done with you, it allows you to move on. If he isn't, it makes him have to put the effort into changing and winning you back.
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