McGrupp Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 i feel like im not healing at all. still want to break NC. still dreaming/depressed/sad not moving forward at all. all the bull**** and it feel s worse then ever. wtf? is it because i havent let go? is it because well i guess i only know. is it because im now letting this grief define me? she runs through my head all day. its been 2.5 months but only 14 days NC. ..ugh. also still suicidal. wtf, im reading the books, seeing the shrinks/gym all that ****...
Edward10 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 From what I can see you go in cycles. You will be fine in a couple hours. Seriously. You are very cyclical. Suicide would be a colossal waste. I don't recommend it. Can't say I've tried it, but I feel comfortable not recommending it. From what I can tell your cycles are speeding up and you spend more time up than down. So I think you are healing. But you are very emotional. Part of having everything repressed for decades. It is going to be OK. It is going to be better than OK.
USMCHokie Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 McGrupp, I definitely know how you feel...I've been there countless times myself...wondering how I could go on...feeling that things will never get better, etc... Everyone has to live through the crap at some point in their life...it's how we learn...and it's how we improve our lives...and once you get through the tough times, you'll realize that there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel, and the next time you go through pain, you'll KNOW that things WILL get better...it always does...and yes, right now it hurts and you feel hopeless, but once you've made it through, however long that takes, you'll be so much better a person because of it... Although I still love my ex dearly and hope that once day she'll at least talk to me again, I am honestly grateful that we broke up...because I had never lived through such pain or made the mistakes I made before...and I have become so much better a person for it...that the next time I ever suffer through heartbreak, I'll know that I'll make it out the other side just fine...a little while ago I actually ended up getting kanji on my back that says "Phoenix rising from the ashes"...everytime the phoenix dies, it is reborn from the ashes...the relationship meant a lot to me, not just because of the great times I had with her, but everything I learned during the relationship and after the breakup... It's not the grief that defines you, but what you do to learn from it and overcome it...just know that you'll be fine...
Author McGrupp Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 its just the regets that kill me. the shouldve couldve wouldve.. that fact that everyone i tell the whole story to in real life, they say "yeah you ****ed it up" but it is cyclical and has me thinking about how to change me life, although its hard. so hard/
Edward10 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I disagree. I don't think you f**ked it up. I think you both chose each other and the relationship had zero chance of long term healthy success. If you like drama - then you were perfect for each other. You liked her because she was so difficult. You liked the challenge. But there was no substance behind the mask. You are very intelligent and manipulative - you can tell a story to produce whatever result you want the listener to come up with. So "everyone" telling you something is nothing to me.
hopesndreams Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 You are still in the early stages. It can take up to a year to wrap your head around stuff. Wait it out, don't do anything stupid, each day that passes will make you stronger. Stay NC. You are breaking an addiction. Break NC, and you will be back to day 1 of the break up, the pain and suffering will continue longer each time there is contact. Of course she is on your mind 24/7. That's just the way it goes. Fun, ain't it?
soheartbroken Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 You're being way too hard on yourself. 2.5 months is nothing, especially with only 14 days NC. I don't think you F'd up. You put yourself out there, told her everything that you wanted to say, and that's completely natural. You are NOT healing abnormally. Everyone goes at their own pace. I have awful days at 4 months (not that you will too necessarily). I'm going to nitpick with Hopes&Dreams just a little. I don't necessarily agree that every day it gets a bit better. You can most definitely regress to a point days ago, or months ago. There can be some major mood swings (I'm sure you've noticed). But overall, I think H&D's point is that with time it gets better, in the overall sense. But with some dark days in there. Hang in there McGrupp. We are all rooting for you. Keep posting.
USMCHokie Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I'm going to nitpick with Hopes&Dreams just a little. I don't necessarily agree that every day it gets a bit better. You can most definitely regress to a point days ago, or months ago. There can be some major mood swings (I'm sure you've noticed). But overall, I think H&D's point is that with time it gets better, in the overall sense. But with some dark days in there. Agreed. But as time goes on, these regressions decrease in frequency, intensity, and length...and that just means you're healing...
nobleguy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 its just the regets that kill me. the shouldve couldve wouldve.. that fact that everyone i tell the whole story to in real life, they say "yeah you ****ed it up" but it is cyclical and has me thinking about how to change me life, although its hard. so hard/ Don't give up. I'm over 3 1/2 months now and I still feel terrible for a lot of the time. BUT it is getting better. It really is. Very slowly but I can see it and feel it happening. I could be stuck in it for a while longer yet but there are slightly more positive thoughts coming up through the wasteland that is my emotional state right now. Little green shoots of hope for the future without my ex. I know that's not much to help but I can honestly say over the last two weeks or so, despite crying last night due to pure loneliness, I'm so much better generally. When you do get those thoughts yourself (and you will, I promise), grab them and hold onto them as long as possible because they won't last long to start with.
Author McGrupp Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 i want to go up and see her so bad but i know in my gut it is the wrong thing to do. i just need to say things that havent been said. i need to tell her im sorry for things i did post breakup/and right 4 it happened. i need to tell her it can be different. but I KNOW these things wont work and will make me look worse. **** i feel so helpless ugh
adamt Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 (edited) 14 days of NC is nothing. You have to be in it for the journey i am afraid. I'm 5 months down the line, then bumped into my ex. week after it a lot of feelings came back but i am back ok now and back to how i was before i spoke to her. Dont give in and stay strong and keep your dignity and self respect. keep looking forward and dont look in the rear view mirror and what carnage has been left behind The ex will know how you feel about her, so anything you say will not change the situation apart from making it worse on yourself. if she is not missing you then you are better of without her. and better off makign effort to move on and meet someone who treats you with respect. Put yourself at the centre of your life and not your ex. I know it is not easy as i have been there but stay strong and determined to move on Edited November 19, 2009 by adamt
Author McGrupp Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 I think you both chose each other and the relationship had zero chance of long term healthy success. If you like drama - then you were perfect for each other. You liked her because she was so difficult. You liked the challenge. But there was no substance behind the mask. we didnt really have to much drama. i dont know where your getting your info. i appreciate the advice. i just got super needy and selfish. she got distant. i got crazy. but for 3 years we had little drama beside her making out with some dude last summer and immedialtely telling me about it. **** i dont even know why im A) defending her and B) care anymore
health Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 we didnt really have to much drama. i dont know where your getting your info. i appreciate the advice. i just got super needy and selfish. she got distant. i got crazy. but for 3 years we had little drama beside her making out with some dude last summer and immedialtely telling me about it. **** i dont even know why im A) defending her and B) care anymore McGrupp! I urge you to stay No Contact! I am at over 7 months no contact. I was with my girl for over 5 years - I left her and she hooked up with the guy I was suspecting after 3 days! Today, I feel overwhelmed, but I am at work and will take care of my self. I am also tempted to deal with this really easy girl this week - but I won't cause I'm better than that! What I am telling you is that 14 days nc? You may feel pain after several months - But its better than becomming one of those people who stick to their ex for 3 years while they are doing foul crap. You deserve way better than her talking about her making out with another. Heal and succeed! I got promoted, went on 2 vacations this year to 2 different countires stopped ciggs alchohol etc...
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