curiou Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 dun07, I congratulate you for your patience and foresight. I will tell you that you may have saved two marriages: the OM's and yours. or . . . you might have started the destruction of two marriages: the OM's and yours. But, you stopped an unacceptable situation through very calculated measures, and retained your dignity in the process. Sure, some might say you went a little overboard. I'm of the camp that's going to cut you some slack and support how you went about it. If you guys go to counseling, I hope you are able to resolve your trust issues and work on your individual problems if you truly want to stay together. Life is tough. Life with a partner is tough at times. If you are ever truly able to move past this, I hope you can have an even better relationship where this transgression is not held over her head forever. That's not fair to her or to you. It will take time and effort on both of your parts. It's definitely not an overnight thing. And if things don't work out, I think you saved yourself some potentially devastating consequences of a full-blown affair. Good luck.
Author dun07 Posted November 24, 2009 Author Posted November 24, 2009 dun07, I congratulate you for your patience and foresight. I will tell you that you may have saved two marriages: the OM's and yours. or . . . you might have started the destruction of two marriages: the OM's and yours. But, you stopped an unacceptable situation through very calculated measures, and retained your dignity in the process. Sure, some might say you went a little overboard. I'm of the camp that's going to cut you some slack and support how you went about it. If you guys go to counseling, I hope you are able to resolve your trust issues and work on your individual problems if you truly want to stay together. Life is tough. Life with a partner is tough at times. If you are ever truly able to move past this, I hope you can have an even better relationship where this transgression is not held over her head forever. That's not fair to her or to you. It will take time and effort on both of your parts. It's definitely not an overnight thing. And if things don't work out, I think you saved yourself some potentially devastating consequences of a full-blown affair. Good luck. Thanks curiou. I've thought alot about those two impacts through all of this, (either saved or started the destruction of our marriages) and your right, it was bound for one of those two directions regardless of how I handled the situation. The outcome of their interactions at work would have eventually led them to this fork in the road. I hope I just eased the new course of direction by putting my foot down and created a chance to fix things on both sides. The course of direction is now in the hands of the OM and his family as with mine. I'll admit too that at certain times I felt I had taken things a little overboard, but have no regrets. Things are awkward now, with me, at their office, and any chance for promotion for my wife might be hindered, but thats not worth our marriage and future happiness. She'll eventually look for other employment. As with moving on, you said something that I already know will be hard... "I hope you can have an even better relationship where this transgression is not held over her head forever." I've been through it once in the past and this is hard when arguments arise. It somehow finds its way back into simple arguments and its already happened. I will try to work on this through help with counseling. Some of you might be saying - "fuc* the counseling and just drop her!", but again, if I go straight to the big D route, I dont want to say "I shoulda did the counseling first, I'll never know if it woulda worked out"
Ronni_W Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I will tell you that you may have saved two marriages: the OM's and yours. or . . . you might have started the destruction of two marriages: the OM's and yours. Third option is that perhaps only ONE marriage may be saved...and which one, remains to be seen. Dun, yes, you've entered into much more challenging territory -- human emotions, fears, desires, needs, behaviour, et al! (The "practical stuff" is a piece of cake, by comparison.) I'll continue to send good wishes for positive outcomes.
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 You need to do what must be done. dun... lol. If she doesnt like it she can leave but the wife cannot continue working with the affair partner in order for the marriage to last. And if she doesnt comply you file for divorce. Simple as that.
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