Bella1988 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I've been dating my boyfriend for about 5 months. About a month or so into the relationship he already seemed to get really controlling, acting like he was my father and always trying to tell me what I should be doing with my life. Phone conversations always turned into an argument for one reason or another, and it's only seeming to get worse. He always flips out and says I act like a child whenever I make mistakes, and when I tell him something I did that he doesn't agree with, he'll start screaming at the top of his lungs to the point where I'll just have to hang up on him. Sometimes he'll even break up with me. He's also punched holes in the walls from being so angry with me and at other things. He's never touched me or gotten up in my face or anything, but I'm worried these might be early signs that he could become violent someday. I have made some stupid mistakes with money and other things, but nothing that should cause him to become so upset that he screams at me. I've never done anything to him. I feel we haven't been together long enough for him to be able to tell me what to do with my money or my life. He usually apologizes shortly after, and says he's just trying to give me guidance and it angers him that I don't listen, but it's very hard to listen when he yells at me. He never explains things in a nice constructive way, he always belittles me and makes me feel like a little kid. Tonight I told him I accidently put a dent in my dad's car in a parking garage (I have horrible luck), and that my friend, who is a guy, was going to try to fix it for me. He went totally nuts and said I was out of my mind for trying to have someone fix it for me because I would only make it look worse, and then started screaming so loud that I couldn't even understand what he was saying and hung up on me. I called him back at least 4 different times and he just proceeded to scream at me even more and kept hanging up on me. I got mad and texted him, and said a few mean things because I was so upset, and he then said he can't deal with me acting like a child all the time and couldn't believe I was having some guy fix my car, and then said he was changing his number tonight. He hasn't responded to my texts or phone calls in the past 2 and a half hours. I'm thinking it's just another one of his fits again and he'll call me in a day or so and apologize again. But should I be putting up with this? I do care about him a lot, but I wish he would just try to help guide me in a good way instead of screaming and breaking up with me all the time. It's really starting to hurt my self esteem, which isn't very high to begin with.
Odyssey Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Yes. But the real question you should be asking yourself is, do you think he will change? Are you seriously willing to put up with this for the long haul? I wish you the best of luck.
Author Bella1988 Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 Yes. But the real question you should be asking yourself is, do you think he will change? Are you seriously willing to put up with this for the long haul? I wish you the best of luck. At this point, I care about him too much to leave him. I know I should of ended it in the beginning when I wasn't so attached, but I stayed for some reason, and now my feelings are too strong to break up with him. I've tried leaving him before and I just felt really depressed while I was away from him, and I always end up going back. I guess I should just try to tough it out this time and end it for good. Thank you.
JustLooking123 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 It's really starting to hurt my self esteem, which isn't very high to begin with. Obviously. If you had any self esteem at all, you would have run far away at the first HINT of this behavior. It's only been 5 months - what do you mean you're too attached to leave??!?!? It's probably only a matter of time before he punches you. Sounds like you need to do a lot of work on your own self-esteem and self-worth. That work can never occur while you are with this sorry excuse for a man.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Wow, wow, wow. Verbal abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse - yes, yes, and yes. Gees. It doesn't HAVE to be physical to be permanently damaging. In fact, bruises and broken bones can heal - the emotional toll taken on abuse victims is what sticks around the longest. He does not have to lay a hand on you for it to be severe abuse. That's exactly what it is. Not only does he abuse you when he's actually talking to you, but he uses the silent treatment, too. http://abuse101.com/silenttreatmentandabuse.html The longer you stick around with this winner, the lower and lower your self-esteem is going to get. The lower your self-esteem gets, the easier you will be for him to control and the harder it will be for you to leave. At the very least, could you PLEASE call the domestic abuse hotline to get a professional opinion about this? 800-799-SAFE (ANONYMOUS AND CONFIDENTIAL) This is going to affect the rest of your life and future relationships (with men that actually DESERVE your devotion).
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