Sandy6847 Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 I've been with my boyfriend, Tim, for seven months, but recently I've meet a new guy, his name is Nick. Tim was everything to me, I really loved him. I would tell him everyday how much I loved him and how much I cared for him. Somehow Nick took that away. I realized that I didn't feel anything for Tim no more. Now I just want to be with Nick and I want to break up with Tim. I know that Tim really loves me, but I just don't feel anything for him no more. I was blessed to have a guy like him, it really hurts me letting him go. How can I tell him that I don't want to be with him no more without hurting him? Should I tell him that we should be good friends?
CostumeSmile Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 I think should tell him that your feelings have changed, be as honest as possible with him. Hopefully this new guy is a great person too b/c it would be awful for you to leave a good guy your sure about to end up in the wrong hands but if your sure of your feelings then you must follow you heart. Don't give him the "lets be friends" talk and then have him see you w/ someone else, that would be cruel. Be honest with him.
trulyme Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 I don't understand.........you say that you love him but the new guy took that all away. This is exactly why I feel that women move to quick into love. You don't love him if you can just see another guy and want to move on that quick. Especially because you say that tim is such a good guy and all. Something must not be there. This new guy must have something that tim does not have. Or maybe its the excitement that this new guy brings. Bottom line, the grass is not always greener. I can see you coming back to the website in 4 months asking how to get tim back because the new guy was great for a couple weeks but then started to fade. Just out of curiousity how old is everyone in this perdicament? I can speak from experience that the grass is not always greener. But everyone must learn and maybe this new guy is a great guy......but Im not liking the odds. It sounds like you know that you could break up with Tim and if things don't work with the new guy you could beg and pleed for him back. Just because you know he loves you that much. True love is hard to find. Im 23 and really only felt in love once. I also think that people have very different visions of what love is to them. This one just gets to me because you are portraying to us that you loved this guy so much. But then after you break up with him he may run into you a week later with this other guy....You really think he is going to think that your love was real when you can move on in a few days and date another dude. I would not think that in the slightest. Mentally this is already easy for you because you have no down time. Your going from him to another guy....where is the lonliness and pain there?? Tell this guy ASAP. Be straight and to the point. Either way it is going to crush him, especially if you tell him you have another guy.
DonTomaso Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Enigma wrote this on another thread...it 's pretty solid. "If, with the passing of time, he can still tug at my heartstrings without me wanting to rip his clothes off... when just being in his company affords me as much gratification as sex ... when my happiness and contentment becomes as important as his...Then, and only then, do I now define it as 'love.'" Sandy... just be 100% honest with him. Tell him that you like this new guy and don't feign friendship b/c your heart will be with someone else.
SoleMate Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 How can I tell him that I don't want to be with him no more without hurting him? This sounds like, "How can I cut him with a knife without making him bleed?" Put yourself in his shoes. Could a boyfriend to whom you were devoted say the same thing to you in any possible way and not cause pain? That said, I don't recommend spending the rest of your life with your current boyfriend just to avoid causing him pain. That would be taking compassion too far. In this situation, when you're young, it's appropriate to spend time with various young men and really see the ups and downs of good guys, "bad guys", shy guys, party guys, tall guys, short guys, etc. So, I recommend just realizing that you are young. If you insist on the ill-advised but nearly universal practice of short-cycle serial monogamy as a teenager, tell your current BF that you have decided to move on and that you are no longer GF/BF. I wouldn't bother explaining why, because that can turn into excricuating and pointless debates, etc. Just announce your decision - you are well within your rights, he has no "right" to you, nor you to him - and then continue living your life, with or without the new lad.
UCFKevin Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Don't tell him about the other guy, he'll probably ask, whether you tell him the truth or not is up to you, but just tell him you don't think you should see each other anymore and do it NOW. Don't sit on it, don't make it worse. He deserves to know the truth. Prolonging the inevitable ain't always the best way to do things.
KitKat21 Posted December 19, 2003 Posted December 19, 2003 Hello girl! I too am in the same position--I was with my ex fiance' for five years and I had him on a pedestal for most of that time,and I loved him more than anything. Well I ended up falling "In love" with another guy and pretty much pushed my ex away by being heartless,and hateful toward him before he finally left me. Anyway I am in a relationship with the guy I "fell for" now,and he confuses me,plays with my head,and is not affectionate at all! All I want to do right now is break it off with my current guy and go back to my ex, but he don't want anything to do with me. You see when I was with my ex I knew he loved me,he was affectionate,he didn't play mind games,and he did whatever it took to make me happy, I was just too blind to see that at the time. What I'm getting at is that sometimes it's better to save face and work it out with the one who truly loves you(you said it yourself that you know Tim does)I regret SO bad for throwing it away for my current guy who I have to second guess all the time,and believe me he was not like that at first, he reeled me in away from my ex by being generous,affectionate,and telling me everything that I wanted to hear--I had it all with my ex and if I could take back what I did I would in a heartbeat. Please think real hard about what your doing--The other guy will seem better at first, but I would have to say that 80% of the time they become someone different when the thrill of the chase is over!!
KitKat21 Posted December 20, 2003 Posted December 20, 2003 Hey UCFKevin, I know this is a little inapporpriate,and has nothing to do with this post,but YOUR HOT!!!
Author Sandy6847 Posted December 22, 2003 Author Posted December 22, 2003 Right now nothing has happend with Tim. I'm still with both of them. This situation is driving me crazy cuz what goes around comes around and I don't want that to happen to me. I know that I should of thought of that at first, but I never imagen falling for Nick. Eventhough, I don't "love" Tim no more I don't want to let him go because I don't want to regreat it later on. Any Advise?
Paid. Laid & Made Posted December 26, 2003 Posted December 26, 2003 Hold on, keeping him as a spare? That's not right, just let him go.
mjk Posted December 26, 2003 Posted December 26, 2003 Just tell him, tell him, tell him. Why prolong the agony and the deception to your own heart. Set yourself free and be done with it.
carra Posted December 28, 2003 Posted December 28, 2003 sandy, you were only w/ tim for seven mnths, sometimes that is not very long for someone to truly know whether they love someone. i believe you felt that you loved him, but true love goes beyond just the feeling. once the infactuation wears off, you "feel" like you are not in love anymore, because the high is gone, then you have to decide if you really do love tim. ofcourse you are happy with the new guy, everything is exciting when it's new, but eventually that feeling will fade as well, then what? base your decision on long term happiness, who do you feel more comphortable with, who makes you feel valued? maybe you should just take a break from both men, then decide. at least you will be able to think clearer w/o this constant pressure on you. good luck.
Butterfly1 Posted December 29, 2003 Posted December 29, 2003 First of all, you can't say you ever "loved" Tim or any guy if you can meet someone else and lose your feelings for Tim. Love is something that develops overtime between two people as they get to know each other. Its not something that springs up and just dissappears when someone else comes along. Its a lot stronger then that. Perhaps you are confusing lust and love. Lust is something that comes and goes. You are being incredible selfish to be with two guys that care about you right now. I am firm believer in what goes around, comes around and unless you take responsibility for your situation, you are the one that will be screwed in the end. Be honest with Tim and tell him that you just want to be friends. And figure out what the reason is. "I met someone else" or "my feelings arent there anymore" are NOT reasons...they are excuses. What does the other guy have that Tim doesn't have. And maybe you should take your time out youself and figure out what it really mean to be in love or you could potentially hurt other people down the road.
rachel/matt Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 my boyfriend matt is a lovely guy i have not knowen him that long and i do not have fellings for him any more i have not met any one eles its just i need some space what evry should i do?
Geoffrey Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Sandy, Well, from my own recent experience...I am the one who was let go recently for someone else. My gal and I were very close, nearly inseparable for 14 months, then she met this other guy, she claimed her feelings changed towards me. But I must tell you also that she has been going though a serious bout of depression, joblessness, and many other very large life issues. She was very confused for a couple of months about the whole matter, and he didn't do anything to temper her thinking about the situation (like say "you already have a boyfriend, what are you doing looking to me?"), which I think is a travesty. The pain has been enormous, and I am just now beginning to feel a little bit better. Our decision to part was mutual, I had enough of the whole situation (my sanity was at stake) and did my very best to take care of her during this difficult time. But this other guy has some money he inherited, and I believe she is clinging onto him for that so she doesn't have to go face the world of work again. I make a modest wage in my job, but I do know for sure that he cannot love her like I loved her. This other guy has some major life issues as well, is a recently recovering alcoholic, with end-stage liver disease, and I KNOW that if my gal were well enough to think clearly, she would NEVER have chosen him as a partner. Was I hurt? Absolutely. Kitkat21 hit it right on the head....I don't expect this to last too long...but at the same time, I am not going to sit and do nothing waiting for her to get herself together. I know her so very well and know that she is MAJORLY compromising her ideals and beliefs about men in this situation. She turned away a perfectly good, loving, honest, sensitive, FULLY functioning man in me. I know what turns her on, what turns her off, I know every bone in her body, and I know the combination to her locks too. I moved out of her house about six weeks ago, I still have some things there that I want to get, but she cries each time we talk and says "I can't deal with that right now," so what does that mean...? Am I now the "spare?" You have every right to live your life as you choose, but I would very cautiously advise you that you may be setting yourself up for some major heartbreak....you are rolling some very big dice here...and poor Tim deserves to be treated fairly, because HE LOVES YOU and has a very large investment in you. Is there something missing that Tim doesn't provide for you? What exactly is the problem, I suspect it runs much deeper that you described in your first post. Best regards, Geoffrey
SmoochieFace Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 Psst... I think Sandy is by now probably about a dozen guys beyond Nick as her post was written just over two YEARS ago.
Geoffrey Posted December 28, 2005 Posted December 28, 2005 haha........WHOOPS!! Thanks, smoochie.....sometimes I don't pay attention until I absolutely have to..... :-)
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