robbanton Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 (edited) My girl recently broke off our engagement because of me lying. We were together for 6 years and engaged for 2. She really wanted me to go to church with her so I did but recently made excuses not to go. I also lied about smoking but the real issue is that she wanted the foundation of the relationship to be with God. So we got into this big argument which led to other other issues being brought up that we never resolved like us going to counseling (Which I refused because I was speaking out of emotion during the fight). Anyhow she gives the ring back and takes everything she owns out of the house. I tried sending flowers to her with a apology letter but that didn't do anything. I've talk to her friends and they all say that shes really mad and only thinks of me as liar. I went to church and was told she saw me but she told her friend that he's only doing this to get me back but honestly I really do like going to her church. Anyhow so on the second week I see her again at church and we finally talk. I let her know that I'm ready to change and that I want to set the foundation, which she responds that "It's only been 2 weeks". So as we talk I try to see if she wants to go see a movie or eat but she says maybe. So I text her during the day and ask her but she responds with a "No thank u", then asks "So what did I do today?". I tried to text her the following day but again I get no response. I want to work it out with her but I keep getting the cold shoulder. What can I do? Edited November 18, 2009 by robbanton
JaggedRoad Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I think it's best if you step back and take a good look at the relationship and what you really want. There has to be a reason you didn't want to go to church with her. Find out how that relates to all the other issues (smoking and God as the foundation of the relationship).
stace79 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I might continue what you're doing for a week or two... don't push, but try to keep in touch and just ask how she's doing. Continue to go to her church. Dont' always try to talk to her at church though or she will believe you're just going to see her. If she still continues to not want to reconcile, then I would suggest you back off and just go about working on yourself. Assume you won't reconcile. I'm in a similar situation -- I tried laying out everything on the table for my ex, but he thinks we are not right for each other anymore. So just continuing to be his friend and talk to him all the time just pushes him away farther. And it hurts me. You're going to have to show this girl you're serious -- actions not words. And it might take awhile to prove to her that this is a serious change and not just reactionary to get her back (she's going to think as soon as she lets you back in that you'll just let her down again). Good luck.
GrayClouds Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I might continue what you're doing for a week or two... don't push, but try to keep in touch and just ask how she's doing. Continue to go to her church. Dont' always try to talk to her at church though or she will believe you're just going to see her. If she still continues to not want to reconcile, then I would suggest you back off and just go about working on yourself. Assume you won't reconcile. I'm in a similar situation -- I tried laying out everything on the table for my ex, but he thinks we are not right for each other anymore. So just continuing to be his friend and talk to him all the time just pushes him away farther. And it hurts me. You're going to have to show this girl you're serious -- actions not words. And it might take awhile to prove to her that this is a serious change and not just reactionary to get her back (she's going to think as soon as she lets you back in that you'll just let her down again). Good luck. Here is the best advice you will get: So you want a second chance? read it
Author robbanton Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond to my unanswered question. Update: Well I talk to her best friend this morning and she was told by my ex that when she texted me "So what did you do today?" that she wanted to see if I was working on myself. When I talk to her at church I asked if she wanted to go see a movie, go running, ride our bikes etc...So now it has me thinking that she is testing me to see if I'm trying to change for me and not for her. Her friend also stated that she thinks she wants to see change and that only time and actions can actually show her. What do you guys think?
stace79 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond to my unanswered question. Update: Well I talk to her best friend this morning and she was told by my ex that when she texted me "So what did you do today?" that she wanted to see if I was working on myself. When I talk to her at church I asked if she wanted to go see a movie, go running, ride our bikes etc...So now it has me thinking that she is testing me to see if I'm trying to change for me and not for her. Her friend also stated that she thinks she wants to see change and that only time and actions can actually show her. What do you guys think? I would agree she wants to see that you are changing for yourself. Because if you're just changing for her it will either by short-lived or you will begin to resent her for "making you change". I think you changing some on your own over time is good -- that way either you will be better equipped for your R with her, or at minimum you will feel better about yourself if it doesn't ever work out again. It's also difficult if a woman has reached a point where she's accepted you're not right for each other, to change her mind and risk her heart again.
j_cali_man Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Stace79 is right on point. I can relate to what she is saying too because I didn't follow though on some things that needed working on. Not for HER but things that I knew were important and kept pushing off until the inevitable happened. Do I regret it? Hell yes. Just was dumb. Anyhow, keep working on whatever it is you need to but once she's made up her mind (and have her friends rallying around her) you are doomed at least for a few months so that the changes and growth are really a part of you or just a knee jerk reaction to the loss. Personally, the loss knee jerked me (right into the nuts) but I will continue whether there is a happy reunion or someone new. Flippin hurts like hell though... J
Author robbanton Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 Update: Well the inenvitable happened and I saw her with another guy already. After I seen them together I just drove off and went to her house to talk but of course she still didn't want to talk. Any way it went from a 6 year relationship to her finding someone else to fill the void that I left in only 3 weeks. It most definitely hurts but you know what at least I've seen it now instead of down the road because then it would be like me starting over from the beginning again. The funny thing is that when I last actually talk to her she told me she needs to do it on her own but of course thats not the case. Oh well you live and you learn. Time for me to get right or get left!
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