HeartBrokenNov16 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Hello anyone who reads this. I'm 19 years old and just got out of a very serious relationship that lasted three years and one month exactly. I don't know what to do and I'm still in shock. My whole life was planned out for us. I don't even have any friends because he was the only one I started to hang out with. He told me he wanted to just be friends. Will he take me back? Background information: Everything was great until my, now ex-boyfriend, got two jobs. He got very busy all the time with his jobs and never had a day off, or will get a day off forever. After that he's leaving to New Jersey for a few months for boot camp and boating school. He told me he's confused and he didn't love me anymore, and that it has been months like that. Was all that hanging out with him the last months a lie? We never did anything together after his jobs and he told me we're growing apart. And all we did was fight. He started acting really grumpy and mean to me. I still love him. I'm so heart broken and I have no idea what to do. Should I ignore him and get rid of everything that reminds me of him? Help?
fiser360 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Hello. I am sorry to hear that you are in pain. I was with my ex, the exact same amount of time you and your ex were together. Strange. It's been 5 months for me..it's still hard. I think that you should let him have space to see what he wants, and give him time to think about/ miss you. I know that it's hard to deal with, especially when everything you have planned out involves that person in your future. It gets a little easier with time, I promise! Good luck. Try and stay busy. It helps.
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Block your emails, dont return his calls, get rid of everything as you said, and move on. Donbt fixate any more than the reality demands.
hopesndreams Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Don't wait around for this clown. You're young, the world is yours, don't waste time and energy on someone that does not appreciate you.
j_cali_man Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I am sorry for your loss and have been "sucking wind" so to speak for two weeks. 3 years and 1 month for me too. It's a little easier but barely and I pretty much had a melt down 2 days ago. Totally uncool. Anyways, you did the right thing by being on this forum and spend some time here. It has helped me ALOT. The NC (do a quick forum search) rule is HUGE and hard as h*ll but is a must for your sanity. Good luck to you. I'm 34 and this split felt like it a searing fire poker to the gut. Hang in there =) J
nobleguy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 We all feel for you and what you are going through. I know you are really young but three years is still a significant relationship no matter how old you are. It hurts. I got married first time when I was 20 and met her at school when I was 15. We split at 24 and it was simply that we didn't know what we really wanted out of life being so young. It was great at the time and it seemed like we were made for each other but we just weren't. Age and time have a nasty habit of changing people and it's possible this is what has happened. You have a big advantage in all this, even if it feels right now like it means nothing. Your age. Like others have said you are so young that you have plenty of time and opportunity to make friends and get out there. I know that right now that's probably the last thing you want to be doing but it is something positive to think about when you are low. If you can, surround yourself with your family, make new girlfriends and hang out with them as much as possible. Things will improve eventually but it will take time, tears and low points. Keep posting.
adamt Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I know how you feel, i was in a relationship for 3 years. she grew detached from me over a few months as a lot of stuff was goign on in her life and she didnt have time for me. i went NC and been since for last 5 months. only spoke to her once. i would recommend you go NC and cut all contact,remove from social websites, get back in touch with old friends. find new hobbies and interest and physical exercise. you are very young so shouldnt have a problem finding someone else in time. dont rush into wanting another relationship. just focus on yourself and what you want to do. its going to be a tough few months but you will become stronger for it and better for your next relationship. but what ever you do do not contact you ex or respond to him. because that will prolong the time it takes you to move on.
shadyp Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 hi there, is it like the three year itch or something? my relationship ended and it had been 3 years and a month. Before that we were like mates. i hated bein his friend but had no choice.in the end it drove me mad and i kept telling him... at this point he did 'try' for 2 weeks then a week later he went cold again. i asked him y,y,y???? he replied i don't feel nothing for you, i don't wanna relationship. i'm torn between wanting him back but know i shouldn't coz he dont want me. he dont want me... thas all i keep thinkin about when i get weak. i feel for u. i had zero contact with him for past week... i gona try ride this out. get some self help books, join groups, talk to ur mates, take up hobbies, get counselling, pray, move cities-go on a adventure, get a new job, study, go gym, join a choir and sing, write songs and get famous.
Author HeartBrokenNov16 Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 Thank you everyone! This has helped me out a bunch. It does suck because I'm on his phone plan and I'll have to switch over and start paying -.- I have removed everything that remind me of him. Which was a ton of stuff, but I still did it. I've started looking for a job and it's keeping my mind off of him. I really hope I can get over him soon :/
adamt Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Just hang in there and stay strong. any urge to contact the ex come on here and type out your thoughts or ring up a friend or family. just get keep youself busy as much as possible so you have little time to think about the ex. you may struggle to sleep more than a few hours but read books to help you sleep. physical exercise is a god send and helps clear your head and make you feel better. i've learnt to keep those deep thoughts at the back of my mind and plan to keep them there. your mind will learn to do this. dont think too deeply about it all and try to do something else to snap yourself out of it
Author HeartBrokenNov16 Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 ugg -.- well I just cracked. I called him and asked him if we were going to still see Twilight at midnight. And he act really mean, like he always does, but worse this time. He asked for his Wii and GPS in a mean way and I found out what I did, calling him, or going to see a movie with him, was so stupid. So I told him I didnt want to see it anymore and he said "I'll pick you up at 9:30 or 9:40 make sure my Wii and GPS is ready" and hung up. So now i'm escaping and going to a friends :s I'm so stupid -.- But now I'm scared because how mean he was. He'll probably want me to pay for the ticket. Should I?
j_cali_man Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 It was NOT stupid. Your heart was (is) aching and your mind is trying to make sense of why you are in so much flippin pain. The 3 year itch does seem more contagious than swine flu but you are already on the right path by getting out and being around other people. If you mess up again just get back up and start over. Don't beat yourself up. The cold shoulder thing is the pits and I thought only women were experts at doing that...until I jumped on this forum. Stay strong. J
Author HeartBrokenNov16 Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 thanks :S im just scared now because how can i give him back his stuff w.o seeing him or his family? i do have his house key but it would be weird and it would feel like im breaking and entering or w.e its called. and when i spoke to him on the phone last night i started to get really freaked out like he was going to yell at me or smash my car up and i felt like i was going to have a heart attack. im just scared of him now.
Author HeartBrokenNov16 Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 I don't know what to do. I'm really depressed.
newyork82 Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 sweetie, dont get scared. Give him back his things, and then stay out of contact
Pink Cupcakes Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 With his reaction, I doubt he was going to even go to the movie at all, just get his Wii & GPS and then say he's too tired for the late movie or something, and leave with his stuff. It would be worth the money just to mail his Wii & GPS through insured mail, pack it really well. Since those are expensive items, it's not just something you can toss out like a hat or shirt or something he left.
Sweetcheripie Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 I don't know what to do. I'm really depressed. Can someone else return his stuff to him? Like a friend or your brother? It would be best if you could keep your distance. Congratulations on looking for a job and putting this behind you.
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