fiser360 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I had a nice chat with my ex today. It's been about 5 months since we broke up. Well today, we started talking and what not. Her boyfriend just left her about a week ago. And she was saying that she didn't want to be together right now, "Maybe in the future. But just friends right now. Im sorry"... I didn't know what to say. Is there a way to get her to see my differently? I feel that she still loves me, but is confused. Advice would be wonderful everyone!
trueblue72ny Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Maybe you should just chill and let her come around to you on her own. Be supportive, but do not push anything. she already told you no right now. I am sure she is feeling a little broken hearted with everything and needs time to sort her feelings out. yes I am sure you can get her to see you differently by just being a friend and being supportive. Push it and you are out. period. Just my two cents.
Author fiser360 Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 Thank you Trueblue. I couldn't agree more. But should I try and talk to her...or just let her talk to me when she wants to talk..? Thank you!
stace79 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 My ex-fiance said the same thing to me. He still loves me and wants me in his life, he just doesn't believe we're right for each other anymore. He said "with as much love here as there is, I'd never say never, but it would be unfair to lead you on that we'll be back together any time soon." So I am just backing off and not contacting him. If he tries to call me, I may return his call after a day or two, but I am not going to make myself suffer horribly but let him have the benefit of my friendship/companionship/communication whenever he's ready for it. I would suggest backing off for you, too. She won't miss you or realize how special you are if you're constantly trying to "prove" it to her, ya know?
Author fiser360 Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 That makes sense Stace. I think that she wants to be together. We were together for quite a while, and engagement was right around the corner. But with her recent break up..maybe I should just give her some time. I imagine it does get quite annoying for someone when another person is always trying to prove that they should be with you...Thanks for the advice! I'm definitely going to back off for a while.
GrayClouds Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Is there a way to get her to see my differently? I feel that she still loves me, but is confused. Advice would be wonderful everyone! NO, if she wanted to be with you should would be. She saying that stuff to be nice to you but not that she wants to be with you. Your reading into her kindness which is understandable but it will lead you no where good. Best thing is to give her up and move on. Good Luck
Trimmer Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I had a nice chat with my ex today. It's been about 5 months since we broke up. Well today, we started talking and what not. Her boyfriend just left her about a week ago. And she was saying that she didn't want to be together right now, "Maybe in the future. But just friends right now. Im sorry"... I didn't know what to say. Is there a way to get her to see my differently? I feel that she still loves me, but is confused. Advice would be wonderful everyone! I agree with the general ideas here that if she wanted to be with you now, she knows she could (I'm betting you have already made that clear to her, haven't you?) My question: her comment about "...maybe in the future, but just friends right now..." Did she volunteer this out of the blue, or did you bring up getting back together? It won't the suggestion that you back off, but I'm wondering if she offered, or if it was a response (read: defense) to an overture on your part...
Author fiser360 Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 Trimmer: I asked her if it bothered her that we talked. And she said no, but it just seems like she can see past my talking, and figure what I want. And she said "you want more than friends? am I right?"... I told her yes. But I just enjoyed talking to her that I wasn't trying to persuade her to be with me by talking to her. And then I got the..."maybe in the future.." stuff.
nobleguy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Trimmer: I asked her if it bothered her that we talked. And she said no, but it just seems like she can see past my talking, and figure what I want. And she said "you want more than friends? am I right?"... I told her yes. But I just enjoyed talking to her that I wasn't trying to persuade her to be with me by talking to her. And then I got the..."maybe in the future.." stuff. Sorry to be a nagative so-and-so, but to me that's not a good sign... All I can see happening is that you might get her back for a bit, she'll try for a while because she might feel she owes it to you, she'll realise that it's not right and she'll hurt you all over again. GreyClouds mirrors my opinion on this one. Sorry...
Ronni_W Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 And she said "you want more than friends? am I right?"... I told her yes. But I just enjoyed talking to her that I wasn't trying to persuade her to be with me by talking to her. And then I got the..."maybe in the future.." stuff. nathan, That sounds like a classic "tell you what you wanna hear" line to get you to stick around and help her through her time of grieving her most recent ex. When she's really in the throes of it, she may even be able to get you to take her out as if it's going to be a "real" date. That is, you could be getting set-up so that she can "get you" to do stuff that, and be who she wants and needs until she's ready to get back into the dating scene. From your posts, there really isn't any way for you to "get her" to see you differently -- other than as a good old platonic friend on whose shoulder she can cry whenever she needs, and from whom she can get a male perspective, about her relationship(s) with her next boyfriend(s). I'm sorry. It sucks but it doesn't sound promising. As GC said, if she still loved you, then this would NOT be her approach. But you kinda already know that, I'm thinking(?) Hugs.
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