amberpearl Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 (edited) As a child I would often teach myself not to ever let anyone treat me like crap. I seen my mother for many years tolerating my cheating, alcoholic step-father until she decided enough was enough, divorced him and kick his sorry ass out the door. As years went by some of my friends took back their cheating or abusive boyfriends. I, myself dumped an ex b/f for trying to put a hand on me in a threatening gesture (during an argument) and I was only 17. I have broken up with another one for cheating as well as filed for divorce the next day when I caught my ex husband cheating. Currently I'm dating a great man who doesn't cheat nor tries getting aggressive on me. However, lately I been hearing from the other side of the story. A male friend took back his g/f for cheating. An ex of mine who long ago dumped me for no good reason (he stopped being in love with me and wanted to be single) misses his ex and wants to get back with her.She had an affair for around 5 months, got pregnant by the other man who later dumped her and still my ex paid for the abortion. Now he is thinking of getting back with her, willing to forgive her and work it out. The girl claims to have made a horrible mistake and is remorseful.:eek: I don't understand it at all. I have never cheated on him, never treated him badly. Would never do that to my current b/f who I love. Why are they still with them who are total bitches? Edited November 18, 2009 by amberpearl
Author amberpearl Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 Men love bytches.. Never knew that. I can't never do that to someone I love. Even the thought of cheating or hurting my boyfriend in any way disgusts me.
Lizzie60 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 As a child I would often teach myself not to ever let anyone treat me like crap. I seen my mother for many years tolerating my cheating, alcoholic step-father until she decided enough was enough, divorced him and kick his sorry ass out the door. As years went by some of my friends took back their cheating or abusive boyfriends. I, myself dumped an ex b/f for trying to put a hand on me in a threatening gesture (during an argument) and I was only 17. I have broken up with another one for cheating as well as filed for divorce the next day when I caught my ex husband cheating. Currently I'm dating a great man who doesn't cheat nor tries getting aggressive on me. However, lately I been hearing from the other side of the story. A male friend took back his g/f for cheating. An ex of mine who long ago dumped me for no good reason (he stopped being in love with me and wanted to be single) misses his ex and wants to get back with her.She had an affair for around 5 months, got pregnant by the other man who later dumped her and still my ex paid for the abortion. Now he is thinking of getting back with her, willing to forgive her and work it out. The girl claims to have made a horrible mistake and is remorseful.:eek: I don't understand it at all. I have never cheated on him, never treated him badly. Would never do that to my current b/f who I love. Why are they still with them who are total bitches? It seems, from your post, that you have a hard time forgetting your ex.. you seem bitter that he didn't want you back while he wants his other ex back.. she probably has qualities you didn't have.. who knows.. move on.. forget about what others need or want.. just concentrate on your own relationship.. so you won't become the 'ex' of your current bf.. just saying..
Author amberpearl Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 It seems, from your post, that you have a hard time forgetting your ex.. you seem bitter that he didn't want you back while he wants his other ex back.. she probably has qualities you didn't have.. who knows.. move on.. forget about what others need or want.. just concentrate on your own relationship.. so you won't become the 'ex' of your current bf.. just saying.. I have forgotten long ago when he dumped me and we just remind friends. In fact, we don't talk too often and my boyfriend knows him. I have nothing to hide in my current relationship. What I was trying to point out is wouldn't it too get you wondering a bit.. if you treated someone good but later on, they settle for someone else that treats them poorly?
carhill Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Currently I'm dating a great man who doesn't cheat nor tries getting aggressive on me. If you're healthy and are enjoying the fruits of a healthy relationship, good on ya and my advice, like Lizzie's, is to focus on that relationship. What others do or don't do is just white noise. Especially ex'es if you treated someone good but later on, they settle for someone else that treats them poorly? That's what they want. Acceptance
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 (edited) You cant ever say never. It isnt always that simple I was with someone for close to 9 years, she cheated one weekend. Not saying it was my fault, but my treatment of her at the time, mostly intentionally neglectful, was at least a factor. We were having a hard time getting along, too much arguing, so I was making myself somewhat scarce. Ive always been very peceptive about people, found out right away, happened twice that weekend etc. When I saw her knew right off,confronted her, plus her not knowing if I actually knew, she fessed right up. Well....she dragged out admitting they slept together for weeks actually, but it didnt matter as I knew it as soon as I asked the question and saw her eyes. Broke up with her right there, walked out. She did the whole phone stalking and standing at my door thing waiting for me to come home, broke down took her back. Went through the jealos bf phase over the next couple of months, then things settled in. So I cant criticize someone for taking a cheater back. But at the same time for me at least it broke something between us that never really healed. There were other issues as well, but I think I knew then, and it just confirmed itself over time, that I was never going to marry her after that. Not because I really hated her for doing it, or thought she was going to do it again. But I think more along the lines of as bad as some things could sometimes get, up till then (it happened 7 years in) I always believed she would never hurt me that way. And it made up for a lot. But I could no longer feel the same way afterwards. But I think in my mind the thing was we werent a perfect couple, I knew it from the start. We didnt have a tremendous amount in common Almost nothing really. We were real opposites. Annoyingly so. But we always had a lot of fun together. I mean we could laugh all night long years later.And sex with her was always f'ing amazing. I cant even say I was a great guy and just never cheated on her. Truthfully I cant recalll ever even wanting to do so. We were probably unhealthy for each other in a lot of ways. We could never work out any problems. And there was way more yelling, especially from her (Im not a yeller) than I could deal with. But OMFG that girl could kiss. Like nothing else in the world existed. And stunningly beautiful, but not in a general sort of way, rather like custom designed to everything Id want someone to be. Better really, my imaginiation was never that good. Most people you meet them, you have an idea of what they looked like when you meet them again, and you usually start noticing things, or realize not that theyre ugly lol, but that they werent quite what you remembered or thought when you first saw them.With her it was the opposite. Its like I couldnt proces how truly beautiful she was to me, and so when I would see her again, she was always more beautiful than I remembered. But the best really, and almost the hardest to get over, is she had the smoothest most perfect silky skin. It was sinful and unfair really. No one should have skin like that. Edited November 19, 2009 by jerseyboy
Author amberpearl Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 The question is, what does she look like? IMO I only met her once and I don't think she is that pretty. She doesn't even work, makes sense on why he paid for the abortion. Well that was nice of him, when we were dating long ago it was always me having to pay my meal as well as my entrance ticket to watch a movie. Come to think of it, I was the one putting more effort than him ranging from cooking 4 times a week for him, taking care of his baby brother, help the kid with homeworks, once loan him some money so he can buy his car, visit his mother when she was sick and always was faithful. After all I done and never cheated but was loyal, committed, loving and hardly ever we argued it was yet not good enough. Whatever, his loss. I'm happy in my relationship.
Sparty97 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 "An ex of mine who long ago dumped me for no good reason (he stopped being in love with me and wanted to be single)" Ummm...seems to me those are two good reasons.
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 "an ex of mine who long ago dumped me for no good reason (he stopped being in love with me and wanted to be single)" ummm...seems to me those are two good reasons. lolololol!
Author amberpearl Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 Some guys (if not most or all) would rather be with a jobless, cheating Janet Jackson than a rich, cooking, cleaning, faithful Serena Williams. That's life I guess. I always thought a girl's personality and being faithful overrules outside beauty. To each their own. I never did nor ever will tolerate cheating or terrible treatment. Too demanding, strict of me? I don't know, that's just me. If I treat someone nicely, then I expect the same treatment in return.
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 That's life I guess. I always thought a girl's personality and being faithful overrules outside beauty. To each their own. I never did nor ever will tolerate cheating or terrible treatment. Too demanding, strict of me? I don't know, that's just me. If I treat someone nicely, then I expect the same treatment in return. It does, more so as guys get older as well, provided the minumumn level of attractiveness os present.
Author amberpearl Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 lolololol! I know, it's funny. I was clueless in that moment as I had no idea what I did to make him stop loving me. Some things I learned afterwards.. never lend a large amount of money to a man don't be too loving (it makes it sound needy and too sweet) a bit more demanding I guess have him pay at least the first few dates, afterwards switch turns (whoever invites is the one paying for the date) him calling you more instead of me doing it So far it's working in my current relationship.
Author amberpearl Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 How did that effect your relationship? Did you have to become the ennoying creditor? They take too long in paying you back, expecting you to simply forget it. Maybe it's a coincidence but he dumped me not so long after that.
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I know, it's funny. I was clueless in that moment as I had no idea what I did to make him stop loving me. Some things I learned afterwards.. never lend a large amount of money to a man don't be too loving (it makes it sound needy and too sweet) a bit more demanding I guess have him pay at least the first few dates, afterwards switch turns (whoever invites is the one paying for the date) him calling you more instead of me doing it So far it's working in my current relationship. I dont think all those are necessary. Showing your feelings is attractive, and phone calls arent an issue. Frankly both are only ever an issue when it isnt reciporcated on the part of the other, at least imo. Ie shes way more into you than you are with her. But I can see your point with respect to getting taken for granted etc But Im Mediterranean descent, so were very touchy feely vocally affectionate culturally.
Author amberpearl Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 He paid you and then he dumped you? It seems to me that he felt that you care more about the money than him. No he didn't finish paying me. To this day, he still owns me the remaining $200. According to him, he's broken. Right and he wasn't broken paying for his now g/f's abortion. I heard (well he told me) we're back together again as of today.
Author amberpearl Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 (edited) How much does an abortion cost? Definitely more expensive than what he owns me. It ranges from $372 to about $480's or more. He had enough money to pay that and not enough money to pay me back. Edited November 20, 2009 by amberpearl
threebyfate Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 When people remain or go back to abusive relationships, it's no longer a matter of love but a form of codependency.
Author amberpearl Posted November 20, 2009 Author Posted November 20, 2009 Have you done it before?No I haven't but I know a friend of mine who had it done too back in High School.
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