stace79 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Just thinking & venting today -- at one point after our break up, my ex-fiance told me about this secretary at his work. She's probably in her 40s, I guess, divorced & remarried with several kids from the first marriage. He kept telling me that he thinks we're like this lady and her first husband/children's father: not meant to live together or be romantic but to be best friends. Well screw you & the horse you rode in on. I am so sick of people saying it's okay to be friends with exes. It just doesn't work, unless it wasn't a meaningful relationship to begin with! Sure, if I never really gave a s*** about you, then yeah I can be your friend and watch you date other girls and maybe I'll even go to your F-ing wedding one day. But if I loved you -- like really loved you -- there is not a snowball's chance in hell that I can be your friend. And worse off, if HE really loved ME, there wouldn't be a chance he could truly be just my friend either. So you go right ahead and comfort yourself with some ridiculous fantasy idea that we'll someday be best friends. And when it all comes crashing down around you in pieces that you blew it, I'm gone and want nothing to do with you anymore, then don't bother crying to me about it. You go right ahead and think that the reason I'm not calling you or writing you or txting you anymore is to give myself time to "learn to be your friend"; well when you never get a call from me, won't that just be some fancy surprise? I seriously cannot believe some people in life can be so retarded.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Grr..yeah my ex seems to think I will be ok with just being friends with him after 18 years of us being in love with each other!! WTF!! I'm seriously angry now too!!! Just thinking & venting today -- at one point after our break up, my ex-fiance told me about this secretary at his work. She's probably in her 40s, I guess, divorced & remarried with several kids from the first marriage. He kept telling me that he thinks we're like this lady and her first husband/children's father: not meant to live together or be romantic but to be best friends. Well screw you & the horse you rode in on. I am so sick of people saying it's okay to be friends with exes. It just doesn't work, unless it wasn't a meaningful relationship to begin with! Sure, if I never really gave a s*** about you, then yeah I can be your friend and watch you date other girls and maybe I'll even go to your F-ing wedding one day. But if I loved you -- like really loved you -- there is not a snowball's chance in hell that I can be your friend. And worse off, if HE really loved ME, there wouldn't be a chance he could truly be just my friend either. So you go right ahead and comfort yourself with some ridiculous fantasy idea that we'll someday be best friends. And when it all comes crashing down around you in pieces that you blew it, I'm gone and want nothing to do with you anymore, then don't bother crying to me about it. You go right ahead and think that the reason I'm not calling you or writing you or txting you anymore is to give myself time to "learn to be your friend"; well when you never get a call from me, won't that just be some fancy surprise? I seriously cannot believe some people in life can be so retarded.
Author stace79 Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 Grr..yeah my ex seems to think I will be ok with just being friends with him after 18 years of us being in love with each other!! WTF!! I'm seriously angry now too!!! Heh -- oops, sorry. Didn't mean to make you mad, too! It's just so infuriating. Like "oh really, so I'm supposed to suffer the rest of my life, just so you can feel all good and happy that we're best buds???" Give me an F-ing break. Not happening. I tried the selfless route of being his friend -- that worked for all of about 10 days.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 It's ok I have been angry for a while now I was friends with him the first 3 months, enjoy our time together but feel sad afterwards, so not seen him nearly a month now, but I'm seeing him saturday, I'm such a fool Heh -- oops, sorry. Didn't mean to make you mad, too! It's just so infuriating. Like "oh really, so I'm supposed to suffer the rest of my life, just so you can feel all good and happy that we're best buds???" Give me an F-ing break. Not happening. I tried the selfless route of being his friend -- that worked for all of about 10 days.
Author stace79 Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 It's ok I have been angry for a while now I was friends with him the first 3 months, enjoy our time together but feel sad afterwards, so not seen him nearly a month now, but I'm seeing him saturday, I'm such a fool My ex will not see me as he says his feelings are still too strong and he knows we'd just end up hugging, then kissing and then being back together if I saw him in person. Uh, maybe that's a sign that you shouldn't just be quitting on me now??? So sorry for you -- that sounds just excruciating. I cannot imagine how divorcees must feel given that my relationship was not quite four years old -- I would have no chance ending a 10 or more year relationship! You should give yourself a little credit...
twinklecat Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 My Ex has this fantasy also, thing is, I don't think I really want him in my life, a friend would not treat me the way he has done. I also would not be friends with such a horrid person. Guess I'm at the anger stage too, but not so bad as it has been, thinking of him as a "horrid person" helps. I'm sure they do it just to make themselves feel better and lessen their guilt, sorry, do not want the consolation prize!
Author stace79 Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 My Ex has this fantasy also, thing is, I don't think I really want him in my life, a friend would not treat me the way he has done. I also would not be friends with such a horrid person. Guess I'm at the anger stage too, but not so bad as it has been, thinking of him as a "horrid person" helps. I'm sure they do it just to make themselves feel better and lessen their guilt, sorry, do not want the consolation prize! I wish I could think of him as an awful person. I actually broke up with him first, under really bad circumstances, and now looking back think I made a rash decision and want him back. He says I made the right decision. I treated him poorly; but regardless, I will not let him make me suffer just so he can have his "best friend". He doesn't want to lose me from his life for good -- well, too bad. Either you love me or you do not.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Thanks Stace Hmm, he will not allow us to hug since we split, well he became distant with hugs and sex for the last few weeks of our relationship, and after he split he said hugs would complicate things, I assume he meant for me but not for him. Yeah what is going on in your ex's head then??! Part of me wonders if my ex does still fancy me but we don't go there now cos he doesn't want an actual relationship with me now. We weren't married, neither of us believe it is a good idea and we're not religious, also thought it isn't realistic to promise you will be with someone forever. I thought we always would be together so my point is proven! My ex will not see me as he says his feelings are still too strong and he knows we'd just end up hugging, then kissing and then being back together if I saw him in person. Uh, maybe that's a sign that you shouldn't just be quitting on me now??? So sorry for you -- that sounds just excruciating. I cannot imagine how divorcees must feel given that my relationship was not quite four years old -- I would have no chance ending a 10 or more year relationship! You should give yourself a little credit...
twinklecat Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 (edited) I wish I could think of him as an awful person. I actually broke up with him first, under really bad circumstances, and now looking back think I made a rash decision and want him back. He says I made the right decision. I treated him poorly; but regardless, I will not let him make me suffer just so he can have his "best friend". He doesn't want to lose me from his life for good -- well, too bad. Either you love me or you do not. Way to go! It's right, you need to think about yourself and what you want, and the being friends thing has never ever worked for me with exes it only prolonged my pain and made me feel awful by settling for a friendship. It's hard now for us all, but it will get better About me thinking of my ex as an awful person, he hasn't made it all that difficult, check out my threads. I should have listened to friends and family when I first got with this guy and trusted my instincts of when I first met him! Lesson learned! And Heaven, I hope you're okay, have read quite a bit of your story, and it sounds awful. Edited November 18, 2009 by twinklecat
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