Inarut84 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 (edited) Ugh where to start! Before I met this girl she had a one night stand with my friend (not by her choice, hes an ass.) About a month later for some reason I had a dream about her. When I woke up I sent her a message on myspace and we started talking. Two weeks later we started dating. We've been dating for 8 months now. I am extremely good at reading people and felt like she was carrying a burden with her. So I pried and pried and found out some things. I found out she was raped (she didn't know it was rape) when she was 15. Her boyfriend would take her pants off when she was sleeping and have sex with her. She was again raped at 17 (extremely drunk and passed up, kept waking up to a guy having sex with her) and then again? at 19. Her boyfriend would stick is fingers in her and rub her when she was sleeping. I am also the 18th person she has been with sexually, and she is 21. It bothered me for a while, but is also made me feel bad because it is not normal. She told me that she was used over and over and kept making the same mistake, sex before getting to know someone in fear of not being accepted by the guy. And i know all of this is true because Dr. Drew has a show on our local radio station and I have the audio clip of her. She has admitted to me that she has cheated twice in her past. Once in a 3 month relationship when the other guy was cheating and once when she was in a 8 month relationship, tried to end it but gave in, cheated, and then broke up with him the next time they saw each other. She always tells me that I am the best and that she is so glad that we meet and yada yada. I am extremely caring and asked her to get counseling because I know what it feels like to to get messed with ( I was molested by a male when I was young.) She says that she is ok and doesn't want to. My question is can someone who has been through all of this just forget and become normal? She's cheated, will she cheat on me or does she have a higher chance of doing so? I love this girl and I know she loves me. We are together EVERYDAY and I don't get sick of her. One part of me is extremely scared to get hurt (and i've told her this and she reassures me that I won't get hurt and that i'm the best thing to happen to her) and wants to break up and run off, but the other caring part of me wants to love and help her overcome this. Edited November 18, 2009 by Inarut84
Author Inarut84 Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 People are reading but no responses! please share your opinions, whatever they may be. We have been talking about moving in together and I don't know how i really feel about it.
Bejita463 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 She manages to sleep through an awful lot of rape. How exactly does such activity not wake her up?
Author Inarut84 Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 I did not go in full detail, I'm sorry. The first boyfriend. He was extremely jealous and aggressive with her. If he wanted to have sex and she didn't he would get mad. So there was an instant when they were watching a movie, and she knew he would want to have sex so she faked sleeping. He did not care, pulled her pants down, and had sex with her. She acted like she was sleeping. The second time she was extremely drunk. Like black out drunk. She woke up and her underwear was on backwards. She confronted him and he said "you didn't say no, you just mumbled." The third case I don't know if it is rape or not? They would be sleeping and she would wake up to him fingering her and touching her body in sexual ways. She told him not to do it but he kept doing it. After the second time she became hyper promiscuous and had no self respect. Which is what some females do when they are raped.
Bejita463 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Ah, at first it just sounded like outright lying. Well, having never encountered this particular situation I can't really offer much perspective. Sometimes trauma requires an awful lot of patience and understanding though. If you do decide to stick around, you'll have a full plate. As for forgetting and being normal? I doubt it, but this isn't an issue you want to push. Not much teds makes a person withdraw faster than trying to discuss something they don't want to, or that makes them uncomfortable.
Author Inarut84 Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 I do have a full plate but only found that out after I have fallen in love with her. I can't see myself just leaving her because we do have a good relationship and do have good communication. She wants nothing more then to be around me 24/7 and for me to have my arms around her. I guess she feels safe with me. I'm wondering that if after her self esteem is up to par then what happens next? I have been used by females before just to make them feel better. After they are better they leave. The constant worrying about if she will be faithful in the future and the questions I have on my mind are extremely bothersome. I feel a little selfish too because I am worried about getting cheated on when she has been traumatized and treated like crap her whole sexual life.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I don't imagine there are that many people on this board that would have experience with her kind of situation to give a good view on whether or not this is going to work out with you two. I would recommend finding like a rape counselor, explaining the situation, asking how you can best help, and if recovery is possible without counseling.
mushmush Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I don't imagine there are that many people on this board that would have experience with her kind of situation to give a good view on whether or not this is going to work out with you two. I would recommend finding like a rape counselor, explaining the situation, asking how you can best help, and if recovery is possible without counseling. good advice.. this situation is too full on for my little book of knowledge. Best of luck mate. Hope things turn out for the best for you and your partner.
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 She reminds me of some girls I have known actually. Some worse than others. One in particualrly literally makes your heart break, what happened to that poor girl was horrific. Bro simple truth is she has a lot of issues and baggage. I could probably guess at more than youve stated, but it would just f'k with your head. Youre young. Certain personality types like to play that white knight thing for chicks. Dont pat yourself on the back too much if you are one of them, which it sounds as if you are. You have your own issues as one of them. Sincerely outgrown it. Youll live much happier and fulfilled life if you do. Find yourself an emotionally stable girl. She wont be as clingy or bursty affectionate as the headcaseNor give you the same charge that you appear attracted to right now. But shell be more stable, mature and emotionally capable of being in an adult relationship. And the ride will be so much smoother and drama less.
The Way I Am Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 (edited) My question is can someone who has been through all of this just forget and become normal? No. She needs to get some kind of help, whether it's through books, counseling, a support group or all of the above. She can't just pretend that stuff didn't happen and never deal with it. It'll come out negatively at some point. (Like the cheating.) I love this girl and I know she loves me. We are together EVERYDAY and I don't get sick of her.She wants nothing more then to be around me 24/7 and for me to have my arms around her.This sounds like a co-dependent relationship. but the other caring part of me wants to love and help her overcome this.You can love her and be supportive, but you can't help her overcome it. She has to do that herself. We have been talking about moving in together and I don't know how i really feel about it. Don't move in together. She's 21 and I assume you're around the same age. 8 months is too soon for 21 year olds to decide to move in together. I do have a full plate but only found that out after I have fallen in love with her. It's not your plate. I feel a little selfish too because I am worried about getting cheated on when she has been traumatized and treated like crap her whole sexual life.You can't let what's happened to her in the past affect your decisions. If you stay with her, do so because you have a good relationship, not because you feel sorry for her for what she's been through. The best thing you can do is encourage her to get help and be supportive. If she needs you to accompany her to her first therapy appointment or support group, do so. You can't be her entire support system for this. It'll become too much of a burden. You might consider therapy yourself, because it's not generally healthy to spend all your time with one person. It could also help you understand how to deal with this. Edited November 19, 2009 by The Way I Am
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