My MM lied about everything.

[Dexter Morgan]

I would not exactly call it cheating considering they had been "seperated for 3 years,basically from what I found out they lived seperate lives.

 

He told me he loved me wanted to be with me but time was not right because he could not leave his kids wife would make it hard for him.

 

HE LIED!!! why is what I am trying to figure out it's like I need that or closure.

 

that info would have been handy in the original post. When one bills a guy as a MM and posts it in an OW/OM forum, then its assumed quite easily that cheating is going on.

 

But if what you say is true, then he really isn't a MM in the typical sense and you aren't the OW.

 

But why would he lie about being separated already? it doesn't make sense?? If anything he would lie if they were still married and living together. him lying and implying that he is still with wife is like him saying he has a small pee pee when he actually has a huge one. whats the benefit in making you think he is still with his wife?

Edited November 19, 2009 by Dexter Morgan

[bentnotbroken]

I admit I was selfesh myself,I feel bad for tearing up my family,sometimes you have to go for what you want and I went for it,BTW I am the one who went after MM.

 

Was I stupid for trusting MM yes I was,but it just seem so right at the time,like he meant everything he told me.

 

As far as my H I do love him,so why is it a bad thing to try and restart something?

 

 

Why is it bad thing to try and restart something?

 

 

 

The number one reason it is a bad idean is the part where you say you went after MM.

 

#2 you divorced your H for MM

 

#3 your XH is a consilation prize for not getting the booby prize

 

#4 you don't need to be with anyone until you find out why you are broken on the inside.

 

#5 it is sick, disrespectful, selfish and just wrong. Think about someone else other than yourself.

[Fallen Angel]

My gosh some of you ppl are making it seem like I am a bad person,yes I did have a A on my H but I went to him and asked for a D because I was tired of living a lie I wanted to be honest and come clean,some ppl never even admit to the A to the spouse but I did.

 

As far as MM he was a great guy,I thought we were in love atleast I was.

 

I commend you for being honest with your husband and coming clean about the affair, but based on your original post it sounds like you would have NEVER done that if you had known your affair partner would not be in a relationship with you afterwards. My question is.. would you have stayed married if you had found out about your affair partner's reality prior to coming clean? I mean, in my opinion, you should have never left your marriage FOR someone else, but because it was a marriage you were sure had no future. Leaving FOR your affair partner devalues your husband far worse than the affair itself, in my eyes.

 

And really you shouldn't refer to your affair partner as MM because in truth, he isn't, and never was during your affair. He lied about his status because he wanted to limit his time with you to when HE wanted it, and have the "Wife" as an excuse when he didn't. It seems to have worked out well for him, sorry to say.

 

I am sorry that you are suffering, but I hope you come to see that being alone will in the long run be better than staying in a marriage that you were so ready to throw away for a promises of a man who you really didn't know at all.

[lori22]

I commend you for being honest with your husband and coming clean about the affair, but based on your original post it sounds like you would have NEVER done that if you had known your affair partner would not be in a relationship with you afterwards. My question is.. would you have stayed married if you had found out about your affair partner's reality prior to coming clean? I mean, in my opinion, you should have never left your marriage FOR someone else, but because it was a marriage you were sure had no future. Leaving FOR your affair partner devalues your husband far worse than the affair itself, in my eyes.

 

And really you shouldn't refer to your affair partner as MM because in truth, he isn't, and never was during your affair. He lied about his status because he wanted to limit his time with you to when HE wanted it, and have the "Wife" as an excuse when he didn't. It seems to have worked out well for him, sorry to say.

 

I am sorry that you are suffering, but I hope you come to see that being alone will in the long run be better than staying in a marriage that you were so ready to throw away for a promises of a man who you really didn't know at all.

 

 

He was M and still is legally M to this day,I found out several months ago when I found his W myspace and facebook page that they had been seperated since 2006,WHY she has not D him I have no idea,they do not live together.But they seem to have a good relationship they are even friends with each other on myspace and facebook,so I have seen comments he leaves her on her page.

 

MM still to this day has never told me the truth about being seperated from W he does not even know I know,but then again he acts as if I don't even exist.

 

As far as getting D,I really believed we were going to be together he is who I wanted to be with I had everything figured out I wanted a fast clean D.Would I have asked for a D if I knew now what I did not know then probably not,I have a fear of being alone and I did love my H still,just not in love with him.

[Fallen Angel]

He was M and still is legally M to this day,I found out several months ago when I found his W myspace and facebook page that they had been seperated since 2006,WHY she has not D him I have no idea,they do not live together.But they seem to have a good relationship they are even friends with each other on myspace and facebook,so I have seen comments he leaves her on her page.

 

MM still to this day has never told me the truth about being seperated from W he does not even know I know,but then again he acts as if I don't even exist.

 

As far as getting D,I really believed we were going to be together he is who I wanted to be with I had everything figured out I wanted a fast clean D.Would I have asked for a D if I knew now what I did not know then probably not,I have a fear of being alone and I did love my H still,just not in love with him.

 

What I mean is he is not MM in the fact that he was not still IN his marriage. While they may still have the legal marriage intact, the fact that they were living separate lives for three years means he is for all intents and purposes (other than another marriage) SINGLE.

 

He just didn't want a real relationship with you. As long as you thought he was IN his marriage, then he was free to come and go from your life as he wanted, and could dump you at any time without coming off as the complete a**hole he is by saying that there was a D-day and he had to break off with you in order to maintain his M.

 

The truth is, you just were not someone he wanted an 'in the open, my friends, family and people I care about are brought together' kind of relationship with. You were kept hidden because it he simply was not proud of the relationship, or he wanted to be able to carry on multiple relationships without getting caught. What better way than to convice his several women that he is a married man still IN his marriage and that the relationships must be kept hidden.

 

I honestly do not get why you keep trying to defend him here. He could have at ANYTIME been in a full blown committed relationship with you, he just DOESN'T WANT ONE!!

[wheelwright]

Sorry you fell for a man this inconsiderate of your feelings.

 

I will just say that it is going to be difficult to work all this out, as you have as many lies as facts, and you can't really know which is which.

 

What you do know, is that he threw you under a bus, and that he is married in his own eyes. Perhaps that's why he told you that. Not to lie about the separation, but so that you would be clear he wasn't free.

 

You have to make your own life now.

 

I think he treated you very badly, and perhaps that is all you need to know.

 

I am really sorry about your situation.

[lkjh]

Sorry you fell for a man this inconsiderate of your feelings.

 

I will just say that it is going to be difficult to work all this out, as you have as many lies as facts, and you can't really know which is which.

 

What you do know, is that he threw you under a bus, and that he is married in his own eyes. Perhaps that's why he told you that. Not to lie about the separation, but so that you would be clear he wasn't free.

 

You have to make your own life now.

 

I think he treated you very badly, and perhaps that is all you need to know.

 

I am really sorry about your situation.

 

Look the MM is not a saint but she already admitted that she went after him, and it took a while to get the guy. He obviously didn't want her so he lied to get her away and now he finally told her theres no chance.

 

He may not be guy of the year, but he was separated from his wife(pretty much single) and a woman that only cares about what she wants went after him. She is not a victim, she is the one that started all of this.

[whichwayisup]

I have a fear of being alone and I did love my H still,just not in love with him.

Then all the more reason to BE on your own, learn how to be independant, rely on "you" and noone else. Consider counselling to help you through this. Please.

 

You can't go running back to your H in fear of being alone. You aren't inlove with him and it's totally unfair to HIM. HE deserves to have a woman who is inlove with him, he deserves happiness.

[Impudent Oyster]

Sorry to burst your bubble bhgirl but we are not perfect,you can never say "never" we make mistakes fall in and out of love we lust over other's it's part of human nature.

 

Please don't lump others into your category.

 

"We" may occasionally lust for others, but "we" have self-control and don't deceive our spouses in pursuit of that lust.

[herenow]

I don't what to TJ this thread, so I'm starting one.

Edited November 20, 2009 by herenow

[justforfun]

My H apparently found it even more effective to tell people I was dead and that he was a single father of 2 boys. Very protective of them and so unavailable weekends. What a great guy, huh?

 

Oh, yeah...I'm alive and he has no children of his own, I have a daughter.

 

If that wasn't meant to be funny I apologize if I'm offending you. But that really made me laugh! So ridiculous as to be funny! I hope you're in a place where you can laugh at it too.

[justforfun]

I don't what to TJ this thread, so I'm starting one.

 

Where's the new thread?

[Meranna]

Her thread is here.

[justforfun]

Her thread is here.

 

I was looking for the thread started by herenow. She said she was going to start a new thread.

[Meranna]

HAHA I'm a dork, ignore that then!! This is the one you are looking for.

Edited November 23, 2009 by Meranna

[justforfun]

HAHA I'm a dork, ignore that then!! This is the one you are looking for.

 

Okey dokey. Gotcha..thx

[Holding-On]

that info would have been handy in the original post. When one bills a guy as a MM and posts it in an OW/OM forum, then its assumed quite easily that cheating is going on.

 

But if what you say is true, then he really isn't a MM in the typical sense and you aren't the OW.

 

But why would he lie about being separated already? it doesn't make sense?? If anything he would lie if they were still married and living together. him lying and implying that he is still with wife is like him saying he has a small pee pee when he actually has a huge one. whats the benefit in making you think he is still with his wife?

 

Yeah,this has me scratching my head too.

I guess the benefit was

1. He wanted to be with his wife. He was in denial that they were actually separated?

2. He wanted a no strings affair with the OW but had to feed her fantasies to get her to go along with it AND provide a plausible reason for not being more available.

3. He never believed that she would wreck her marriage and family and thought that it would be even less likely if he was "married with kids" and talking about how it would be a bad thing to mess up kids/family lives.

4. The OP is a troll

[lori22]

Please don't lump others into your category.

 

"We" may occasionally lust for others, but "we" have self-control and don't deceive our spouses in pursuit of that lust.

 

 

"WE" I swear you are acting as if I am the only one here having a A,I am not trying to offend anyone here all I am saying is we as human being make mistakes NO ONE is perfect I sure as hell am not.

[justforfun]

"WE" I swear you are acting as if I am the only one here having a A,I am not trying to offend anyone here all I am saying is we as human being make mistakes NO ONE is perfect I sure as hell am not.

 

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks"

 

[ForumFool]

The answer to why is easy to answer: an easy piece of azz and some head. Had he said I am seperated and want my wife back if she will take me hey babe lick this you would not have done it or spread um...so he fed you words to get what he wanted...and YOU lied to your hubby while you two had your EA and PA and thus you fed him (ex-H) the same crap to get what you wanted how you wanted until you THOUGHT this dude cared enough for you to leave anybody real or made up....

I am glad your hubby took off and didn't allow you to fall back on him like he was a booby prize...Sad to say and I do feel for you on this but he just wanted free sex so much that he made up kids and a wife he lived with to KEEP away from being with you more. He just wanted you for sex and to fed his heads...You know..bed...and well the EA ego strokes....

[moaningmyrtle]

I hate to say it but some MM practice a form of "grooming" on the OW so she becomes accustomed to being second best.

 

It goes something like this:

 

E-mail from MM to OW: "Would you like to meet up on Tuesday"

 

OW: "Yes that would be lovely"

 

MM: "Oh sorry I forgot I am supposed to go to *** with Myrtle, can we do it Thursday instead?"

 

On at least one occasion he more or less "made up" the arrangement he had with me - well we had the arrangement on that day but not at the same time. I wondered if he had another OW but he was with me anyway at both times so that can't have been it.

 

When I discovered my H's e-mails to the OW I noticed this and challenged him on it. He was ashamed but didn't deny it.

[minutebyminute]

This guy played you so big time.

 

Go to players forums and see all the stuff players do and say-it is very interesting.

 

After you pull your chin back up off the table, it's time to start letting go.

He's been juggling you with other women, he's a sneak and a liar. He abused your good nature for his own well being.

 

I have recently been where you are, change the setting a little bit.

Once you figure it out you will be angry, humiliated, remorseful and regret

what might have been.

 

I think you are in shock, you keep hoping that he is going to come back and save you from yourself.

 

One thing I do know, if you don't take a long hard look in the mirror, you will probably attract another man like this. You are insecure and vulnerable and players see an easy target.

 

All players aren't the same, some see their victim for a long time not just the one night stand stereotype.

 

I know you hurt, I am sorry for you and the mess you are living. Be good to yourself, forgive yourself. As for your xH, so sorry you missed out on what could have been a great thing.