MissMarie Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I think you should cheat on her with one of these 'interesting' women you might meet. See how you feel? Do you feel like it is something you can get away with and not feel guilty about? Then continue doing it until you feel you have experienced what you think you were missing. That way you maintain your security and get the girl in the end. I know girls that would prefer to turn a blind eye to cheating partners knowing they will get it out of their system and then settle down with them eventually. What you are feeling isn't rare. I am a female and I feel the same way. Having a loving boyfriend at home doesnt mean I pass up opportunities with others.
Author heysenberg Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 I think you should cheat on her with one of these 'interesting' women you might meet. See how you feel? Do you feel like it is something you can get away with and not feel guilty about? Then continue doing it until you feel you have experienced what you think you were missing. That way you maintain your security and get the girl in the end. I know girls that would prefer to turn a blind eye to cheating partners knowing they will get it out of their system and then settle down with them eventually. What you are feeling isn't rare. I am a female and I feel the same way. Having a loving boyfriend at home doesnt mean I pass up opportunities with others. That's honesty!! That what I also thought at the beginning, but I just couldn't do it. I can't keep lies... So I broke up with her. I think it was the best decision. But only time will tell
Malenfant Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 That's honesty!! That what I also thought at the beginning, but I just couldn't do it. I can't keep lies... So I broke up with her. I think it was the best decision. But only time will tell You were honest, and although its upsetting breaking up, at least you know that you treated your GF with the respect she deserved.
dazzle22 Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 There are two facts of life that young people have trouble with and like to test out. One is gravity-that law we all learn the hard way. The other is, every decision has consequences. For example, if you leave California to live in Paris, you will miss out on California. And vice versa. So, man up, tell her you are too young to be tied down and give her the option to have sex with others too! Yeah, that's what it comes down to, is you want her to wait around while you screw around...Let her do the same thing you want to do. Women can be polygamous too. Not just men!!
Spectre Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 (edited) First of all don't fall for the BS some people spew when they equate "living your life" to sleeping with multiple partners. Lifelong fidelity is only scary if you're a whore/manwhore. You do not get some special understanding about life or yourself by simply boning a bunch of different people, sorry: it does not work that way. If you want excitement, go bungee jumping or something. If you wanna sleep around..do it, but let's not just disguise it as just needing to "have fun and enjoy life" or something. You simply just wanna bone other girls, which means you really aren't all that in love with your girlfriend anyways, so it's a good thing you dumped her. Final thoughts: Having one partner for the rest of your life should not be scary to anyone truly in love. Edited December 3, 2009 by Spectre
harmfulsweetz Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 First of all don't fall for the BS some people spew when they equate "living your life" to sleeping with multiple partners. Lifelong fidelity is only scary if you're a whore/manwhore. You do not get some special understanding about life or yourself by simply boning a bunch of different people, sorry: it does not work that way. If you want excitement, go bungee jumping or something. If you wanna sleep around..do it, but let's not just disguise it as just needing to "have fun and enjoy life" or something. You simply just wanna bone other girls, which means you really aren't all that in love with your girlfriend anyways, so it's a good thing you dumped her. Final thoughts: Having one partner for the rest of your life should not be scary to anyone truly in love. I think (where I agree/disagree) is that OP's problem more centred around maybe dating experience as well as sexual experience? The thing is, he could have stayed with her forever, and regretted never living the life he wanted to because he didn't want to also regret losing her, or he could do the honest, decent thing and end it now. Which he did. *applaud.* I think when you're young, (like me! Though I feel damn old sometimes!) it's tempting to be alone, discovering yourself, for me, it isn't about sex, I could be alone and find so much about myself without doing so, but then, I could also find out what I like/dislike/ want/don't want by dating and having sex with multiple partners. Finding yourself is all about the dimensions to your life, sexual and non-sexual. Many young people don't have a clue what works for them because they have only been with few partners. I'm one of those. Experience doesn't necessarily equal quality, but it certainly gives one an idea of where to go and what you want. OP: You're 23, you broke up with her before you did anything bad, (which you would have eventually) and this took courage, honesty and decency. I think you loved her, but maybe weren't in love with her? There is a difference and it's good to work that out.
Spectre Posted December 3, 2009 Posted December 3, 2009 (edited) I think (where I agree/disagree) is that OP's problem more centred around maybe dating experience as well as sexual experience? The thing is, he could have stayed with her forever, and regretted never living the life he wanted to because he didn't want to also regret losing her, or he could do the honest, decent thing and end it now. Which he did. *applaud.* If you're truly in love with a person you won't regret being with them forever..or that you never got to date/bang other people. It's one thing to break up with someone to be alone, but if you do that and then go out boning a bunch of guys/girls soon after, you clearly don't wanna be alone..you just don't wanna be around your ex. Which again, is fine, but it sucks when people break off a relationship just to go experience other people. The OP did himself a favor since if he was in love with this chick he wouldn't be having these thoughts. At least he did the classy thing and told her before hooking up with someone, sadly most people would cheat before doing that. Edited December 3, 2009 by Spectre
harmfulsweetz Posted December 4, 2009 Posted December 4, 2009 True, true. I think it would be wrong to break up with someone who you claim to love, simply to experience other people sexually, that's kind of shallow. But when you're young, it's easy to forget that experience is little. Often, I can't distinguish between being in love and loving someone, you know? I think many people get into long-term relationships early on, and end up, later on, thinking hang on, is this even right? Is this even what I want? I have no idea who I am as a person, only who I am within existence of this relationship. That's where I'm at right now, I don't know me. I don't think I'm gonna find me in the bed of another man, I'm not and I don't want to, to be honest, I think we find ourselves by being alone, doing things we enjoy with our friends, and family, focusing on ourselves. Otherwise, the focus is always on someone else. I remember when I first had my first ever R, we broke up after four/five months, I was really hurt (even though I ended it) I spent a whole year and a half man free. It felt better, I smiled more, and was more me. I figure that's cuz I was dead young. (18-19). Then I met my current partner, when I was 19, (now 22) and well, er, I don't have a clue about me. I'm wondering if there's any truth in the saying 'you've got your whole life to settle down?'
in_absentia Posted December 6, 2009 Posted December 6, 2009 I think if you're having these doubts then your gf isn't the one for you. The right girl wouldn't make you worry about missing out on sleeping with other girls, she'd make you think 'holy crap, how lucky am I to have her for the rest of my life?!'. There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling. I'm only 21 and my bf is 23, we've been together three years but we're young so who knows what'll happen. Yet I don't feel the slightest bit of worry about sexually being only with him for the rest of my future, because he is so awesome I wouldn't wanna trade down to anybody else.
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