Crazy ?..did your MM have racy photos of him?

[learnfrommymistakes]

HI

something never quite sat right with me, and it is making me crazy looking back.

 

Here is the question: When i met my XMM (he was separated..and I had no clue he was ever going to rekindle his marriage) but anyway, somewhere along the way, he sent me "racy" pictures...more than racy, but not quite pron, they were of him naking, focused on his "MAN PARTS"..lol. He is in quite good shape so they looked nice but sort of tweaked me out. Not cause I cant handle that, but because he HAD them ON HAND...

 

I dont know how many men take photos of their PRIVATE PARTS, but he had a few, that he was willing and ready to send to me. I did not ask. At the time i was naive and had never had a man email anythng like that.

 

I dont know of any other man that i dated/knew that had these photos on hand. He did not take them for me, they were taken before we met. I asked a few times WHY he had them, who he took them for, and never got a real answer..he said he was clowning around. If clowning around means getting a starring role in A PORN flick, lol..then perhaps the joke and rubber nose, lol...are on me.

 

He did tell me straight up, when we first met/had a date, that he was separated and that he and his wife had both agreed at one point in their marriage to see other people/swap//go outside their marriage. He said it was a short time, and it was a mess and it eventually really damaged their relationship (YA THINK...DOH?) He also said she cheated first with his best friend, promting the separation. It never quite sat with me, any of it.

 

It has been eating away at me over the years. I dont have naked pics of myself ready on hand. So although i will probably never get the truth, i just am dying to know ..was he was a slut, did he just share racy photos with others...did he do more..was he a swinger/did he pose for magazines..etv.

 

He has a flawless body even tho he is not young..his body is a temple..and he could have modeled years ago..very good looking...

 

BUT i have always had the ick factor about it..he made it seem like it was normal, but yet i just never bought it.

 

what would u think??? It is not like we were dating for a year and he sent these pix...we were long distance for 99% of relationship..so i can see him taking a silly picture to remind me what he looks like..lol...but it did not sit well for me. I am not a prude at all..but the fact that he was so comfortable sending it to me, someone he did not know too weell...and that he would risk it, is baffling....

 

I have always worried he is somehow tied into porn...isnt that a sick feeling? I know, I know, then why did i see him, etc etc...but i hardly saw him...and always questioned it, make me crazy...

 

I have tried to find things out about it for years, through the net, facebooks, u name it, and nothing ever comes up..but i know there are secrets, dirty little ones. Is it possible he just had these pics from when he and his wife went outside their marriage??? i dont think so.

 

I know many of u are shaking your heads...and probably gonna blast me for being stupid or whatever...but i just am curious...pls dont blast me. I just woke up in a cold sweat/nightmare about this very thing...and i have never posted or spoken of it, and it happened years and years ago.

 

The pics did not include his face, i dont think...

he did not seem to be too worried abt sharing them with me.

WTF, I SO need to put an end to this once and for all..he is divorced and supposed to come for a visit soon, and i feel sick to my stomach abt everything that does not jive or add up. I am hoping to be able to post affte the visit and once and for all say...I AM DONE>> I CANT ever do this again. It has been the hardest and most upsetting relationship...the lies, the worries, the guilt, ..he was separated for a good part of this...but still i have such a gross feeling..and although i fall in love with him every time i see him, once or twice a year, i know i am being duped and need to run away, run run run, and never look back. I hope that after the visit, i will just be strong and end it, get over the love, get over the lies, the anger and pain...and say bye for good, thats my goal.

 

He is sweet and never said a bad word to me, and treats me well when i see him, calm, simlple guy...but i have zero respect or trust...but when i see him, he seems like he just so simple and easy adn real....that sometimes i question all my crazy fears and issues with him, but mostly i dont..lol

 

I have always been able to read almost everyone, I studied behavior and consider myself very able to look past masks and bullsh** and just be able to read people quickly and effectively...this MO FO baffles me every time...I have never been duped or simple minded nor do i see life with rose colored glasses..but with him, i never know whats real or not...

 

UGH

I know i brought all this on myself, i HATE NOT KNOWING who he is and what he is/was, i cant get over the needing to know..but i know i have to let it all go.

 

^Y(%^&*$%^&*(^&*

man I am wound up this morning, i hate dreams/nightmares...lol

lfmm

[mybrowneyedgirl]

gross. just gross. i have no desire to see pictures of any man naked...and im pretty open about things like this. i certainly would be weirded out if my husband took naked pictures of himself. and looking at that would do nothing but turn my stomach.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Obvious reasons would be a sex site like AFF. Or perhaps he has been sexting with girls for quite a while. He must be very proud of his "stuff"!

[2sure]

Having pictures on hand like that are required for anyone trying to hook up for sexual encounters on the internet. Ya gotta have them if you want to play. He was using sites like adult friend finder, or swinger's sites, etc.

 

MM generally send just that type of picture with no face.

 

Dirt bag alert.

[learnfrommymistakes]

Obvious reasons would be a sex site like AFF. Or perhaps he has been sexting with girls for quite a while. He must be very proud of his "stuff"!

 

Hi

can you tell me what AFF is? I know I just need to walk away, but I am making myself SICK and have been for years wanting to know the tr5uth about this person who claimed to love me...etc. I feel totally sick, that maybe i am dealing with someone who is even way more out there than I thought...The sticking point is that he did not take these pictures for me, they were in existence. He is proud of his JUNK I guess tho he is not cocky (no pun intended) He is beautifully fit..so heck who knows maybe he posted his JOHNSON on web sites for all to see...maybe he shared pix with other girls..I dont know. I have asked and never gotten answers really.

 

Surely a man who wanted to protect his identity and marriage and good name would not do this and send it out..tho it was not like u could recognize him...(no face shot).

 

I am so torn between believing this person is a good guy who made some mistakes or someone who duped me and his wife and perhaps others for so long. HOW DO I get past the not knowing?? This is the worst part to it...it has been horrible to not know who he is, what he is, etc. I would neveer threaten him or want to out him and parade his wandering Johnson around on facebook or anything but I am killing myself to find a way to know the truth or get him to fess up and I can find nothing...

 

I sound crazy, its just i feel so duped for being so good to him as a friend...person..and hate to feel used and lied to...like everyone does. I wish I could meet his ex spouse..and find out if anything at all is true but i would never want to cause her pain.

 

Perhaps I need to start a web site called IS XXXX A PORN STAR or HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE XX JOHN JOE...it ios not funny, it is just horrible feeling this way. I hate who i have become because i cant let it go.

 

thanks for letting me vent...

lfmm

[learnfrommymistakes]

Having pictures on hand like that are required for anyone trying to hook up for sexual encounters on the internet. Ya gotta have them if you want to play. He was using sites like adult friend finder, or swinger's sites, etc.

 

MM generally send just that type of picture with no face.

 

Dirt bag alert.

 

Thanks, I see what AFF means now. I questioned his intentions a long time ago, and his photos, and because he said he had an open marriage at one time, i sort of just tied it into that. I was not naive abt it, it never sat well with me. I AM considering cancelling the visit. I feel sick. he is supposed to fly to come see me, first time since being divorced. I really have to decide by end of today if I need to call it off.

 

Wish I could find something on the net to prove my thoughts/instincts about all this.

 

I need these replies, they help me get my head in place to try and just end this...now, not after the weekend. I am a mess and i hate it. I loved this guy since the day we met...i never thought he didnt love me, or could "love" others just as easily. DO you think it is worth one phone call...to him...to see if i can get a real answer...and if he waffles then tell him not to come, its over? This is so hard, I really fell in love...i am so sad and just besides myself...my heart is breaking..and i hate that...i hate that this happened to her (his spouse) and everyone...he probably lied abt being separated in the first place. Wonder if he is really divorced. Not living near him makes it impossible to know.

 

damn it

lfmm

[Spark1111]

lfmm, my fWS had so many issues that came to a head with the death of a parent, depression, last kid to college, new job etc.

 

He was in a romantic affair with a divorced co-worker, while surfing sex sites and and contacting old girl friends from college and high school with sweet words of seduction.

 

I would never tell his OW about this. Why break her heart again?

 

But he was looking for someone, something, anything?? to divert him from the very big hole in his soul. Anything to make him feel better for five minutes, five hours, five months.

 

You may never know, but I agree with 2sure. Run for the hills, because if you are seeking a committed emotional long-term relationship, based on what you have posted here, this just ain't the guy whose gonna do it for you.

 

He's incapable of putting your needs before his own.

 

Did you tell him the pics repulse you? Do it, and watch his reaction....

[learnfrommymistakes]

lfmm, my fWS had so many issues that came to a head with the death of a parent, depression, last kid to college, new job etc.

 

But he was looking for someone, something, anything?? to divert him from the very big hole in his soul. Anything to make him feel better for five minutes, five hours, five months.

Did you tell him the pics repulse you? Do it, and watch his reaction....

 

Okay I am trying to calm down, I have accused this man of so many bad things. It is true these pictures were of him a very long time ago and he has not send anything in years. This is old stuff....and he did explain them a long time ago, and said he has not done anything since. (I know I know..but he was upfront about this "open time in his marriage" which ultimatelty led to the separation. I am not excusing him, believe me, and at the time the pictures bothered me, but I took them in stride sort of, now looking back, I just feel differently. I am just a mess. I send him text and accused him of basically being a whore, gross, liar...yet i really have no proof...these pictures were taken a long time ago, and he "claims" there are no others....i called his bluff...and he did not squirm...

 

maybe i am crazy, lol. I know I am.

 

Anyway, bottom line, i need to end this crazy cycle of pain and distrust....its insane right now.

 

to everyone on here who helps, supports and replies, thank you so much. This place has made me look at things in a new way, but also has turned me into a psychotic, disbelieving, crazy woman....yin yang...I guess.

 

Thanks for helping me get through a crazy hard time...I feel like I deserve the pain sometimes, like its punishment for my immoral act and being with someone elses man, i do feel like God is speaking clearly....and showing me the wrongs of my old ways. I get it, lol.

 

Damn i wish i never met him, wish he never got separated and found me...on a business trip...and then went back to wife and kids. The one thing i do respect is that their marriage did not end for me, at all. It was broken up before we met when he was separated and they tried to make it work. They divorced....for the reasons many people do, but surely not for me. He never played that game with me, never fed those kinds of lies..so that at least I do respect.

 

UGH

I need a drink..lol...or a keg of cold beer, or a shot in the head with a baseball bat.

lfmm

[PhoenixRise]

lfmm

 

 

I think what you need to do is learn to trust yourself and your instincts.

 

Your instincts are telling you something about this man and your instincts have been screaming messages about him for a long time now.

 

Your instincts are telling you that this thing with the Pic is creepy.

Your instincts are telling you something if the thought of a visit from this man that you have strong feelings for is making you sick and crazy.

 

 

If you talk yourself out of what you KNOW because you think you don't have proof you will get hurt in the end.

 

Don't allow something to happen that you feel sick and crazy about.

 

If the man really loves you wouldn't he want you to be comfortable, happy and secure in any forward movement of the relationship?

 

I say listen to yourself.

Act on what you know.

[Lucky_One]

I think that most people tend to be pretty selective about the details of truth.

 

When a man tells you that "he and his wife had both agreed at one point in their marriage to see other people/swap//go outside their marriage. He said it was a short time, and it was a mess and it eventually really damaged their relationship (YA THINK...DOH?) He also said she cheated first with his best friend, promting the separation", that it would be awfully interesting to hear what his wife would say about all of that.

 

I would bet money that his XW would have a different spin to the ending of their marriage.

 

As for the pictures, you already know why he had them. He had them for the purpose of obtaining sex online (whether cyber or meeting (IRL). You don't want to believe it, and I don't blame you.

 

He sounds a little too smooth and practiced for my liking....