Still and need to vent

[oneandone]

So I was dating this girl for 4 months (we were friends for 2 before dating) and it was unreal. Ive dated quite a few females in my life, but never had a "connection" like I did with this girl. She was everything I ever wanted in a friend, girlfriend, wife, mother of my children, etc.

 

We were very compatible and had so much common interest it was scary. Even our lives played out very parallel. I saw these traits a couple months in but played it super cool as I never wanted to "freak her out" or move too fast. I basically would hang out with her occasionally, go on a couple dates, have great sex (we both agreed it was the best weve ever had), the typical courting stage. Then SHE started bringing me closer and closer to her. Was telling me no man has ever made her feel this way before, our connection was like no other, we should take trips together, etc. She had me meet her family, close friends, and was telling people we were dating. Her friends were telling me she "loved me" behind her back and to treat her right. She even slipped up saying "I love you" to me on the phone and told me that when she was drunk once. Basically it was a dream come true for me. But I knew she was in 4 year relationship a year before that and still never wanted to rush anything or bring up my feelings as it would make her uncomfortable and/ or make her feel that she "had me."

 

Then 1 week we didnt talk as much (she literally would text/ call/ chat with me all day everyday). I was seeing quick signs that something was up. We go to dinner and she sort of seems just bored. We go back to her place and she tells me out of the blue "I dont want a relationship, I just cant do that right now. With school, work, dance, etc. I just have to focus on myself." We argue briefly, nothing crazy, and have sex and go to bed. The whole weekend I had to work long hours as my company was holding an event and so I ignored her a little bit and focused on my job. Basically didnt text her back as much. The following week she sends me a long email saying "I dont know how things got sour so quickly, I was just expressing my feelings. I dont know how you thought we were a couple. You're making it all or nothing and I just want to take it day by day, and shes sorry for the turn its taken, etc". I sent her a mature response just basically saying I appreciated her getting that off her chest, but Im not going to communicate with her as much as before and focus more on myself also as I have more respect than to be just "another guy" to her or any woman. I also kept bringing up shes using excuses instead of telling me shes over it. She even admitted that she was crazy for letting such a rare connection slip away but "the hard thing and the right thing are the same." We talked that night on the phone, and basically went back and forth with who's right or wrong and never came to a conclusion.

 

We still communicated occasionally via text for a couple weeks, but then I got that sense that she was completely "over it" so I stopped talking to her all together. Then Id get a missed call, or text from her saying she misses me or whatever and Id respond and then shed ignore me again. Anyways, its now been 4 months since I dated this girl and I literally cant get her off my mind. Im a confident guy and dont have much trouble meeting girls at all, but this one did something to me I cant even explain. I think its because it ended without any real closure for me that I am stuck in limbo here and its driving me crazy. We live in the same city and have the same friends so I occasionally see her out and say hi and bye and thats it. Im really stubborn so its hard for me to give in, but Ive even asked her to meet for lunch one day so I can talk to her one more time but she ignored me. I never needed a relationship from this girl, I was just sticking up for myself (who just brings that up after dinner if they dont like someone anymore?) and wanted her to see that. I feel like it sort of backfired, but then she told me she liked me more because I did that. Im so confused and now its past the point that I can go to her because 1. We were never officially together and I look like a psycho if I still approach her like Im thinking about it all the time and 2. I feel like she totally dissed me and I dont know why I cant get over it. She totally pulled the "oh my god Im head over heels for you, oh wait, nevermind I changed my mind and dont know what you're talking about" act. It pisses me off that I never got to call her out on that bull**** and and I never got to express my true feelings.

 

Is this rare? Anybody else have a similar experience? I know I just need to get laid and find another girl, and Im not worried about that happening I just feel like there was a purpose for her to enter my life. Like it was so surreal that I wont ever find another one like her and dont want to waste that opportunity. Please share stories as I am very interested in everyone's thoughts on this matter. Thank you for your support.

Edited November 18, 2009 by oneandone

[jerseyboy]

Nah man its pretty common. Id say even closer to the norm

 

 

World is full of emotionally immature people that go through that same scenario. It seems unreal because it was unreal. She wanted you to fall in love, not even saying in a malicious way, and you did. Then reality caught up to her

[oneandone]

I feel reality caught up to her as well. I just feel like I sort of played it wrong and its still bothering me. I just hate the whole "oh nevermind" act, like Im making this bigger than it is. I mean, am I? I know 4 months is generally nothing, but that was a little different with all the exchanges of feelings, emotions, sleeping together, future talk, etc. Now she acts like Im just some guy she hung out with a couple times over sushi.

[jerseyboy]

Chicks are like that man.

 

It would make even more sense if she had just come out of a relationship prior to meeting you.

 

She went from hot to cold, and you dont know why

 

The answer is she is female:)

 

Just move on

[Thebob]

So I was dating this girl for 4 months (we were friends for 2 before dating) and it was unreal. Ive dated quite a few females in my life, but never had a "connection" like I did with this girl. She was everything I ever wanted in a friend, girlfriend, wife, mother of my children, etc.

 

We were very compatible and had so much common interest it was scary. Even our lives played out very parallel. I saw these traits a couple months in but played it super cool as I never wanted to "freak her out" or move too fast. I basically would hang out with her occasionally, go on a couple dates, have great sex (we both agreed it was the best weve ever had), the typical courting stage. Then SHE started bringing me closer and closer to her. Was telling me no man has ever made her feel this way before, our connection was like no other, we should take trips together, etc. She had me meet her family, close friends, and was telling people we were dating. Her friends were telling me she "loved me" behind her back and to treat her right. She even slipped up saying "I love you" to me on the phone and told me that when she was drunk once. Basically it was a dream come true for me. But I knew she was in 4 year relationship a year before that and still never wanted to rush anything or bring up my feelings as it would make her uncomfortable and/ or make her feel that she "had me."

 

Then 1 week we didnt talk as much (she literally would text/ call/ chat with me all day everyday). I was seeing quick signs that something was up. We go to dinner and she sort of seems just bored. We go back to her place and she tells me out of the blue "I dont want a relationship, I just cant do that right now. With school, work, dance, etc. I just have to focus on myself." We argue briefly, nothing crazy, and have sex and go to bed. The whole weekend I had to work long hours as my company was holding an event and so I ignored her a little bit and focused on my job. Basically didnt text her back as much. The following week she sends me a long email saying "I dont know how things got sour so quickly, I was just expressing my feelings. I dont know how you thought we were a couple. You're making it all or nothing and I just want to take it day by day, and shes sorry for the turn its taken, etc". I sent her a mature response just basically saying I appreciated her getting that off her chest, but Im not going to communicate with her as much as before and focus more on myself also as I have more respect than to be just "another guy" to her or any woman. I also kept bringing up shes using excuses instead of telling me shes over it. She even admitted that she was crazy for letting such a rare connection slip away but "the hard thing and the right thing are the same." We talked that night on the phone, and basically went back and forth with who's right or wrong and never came to a conclusion.

 

We still communicated occasionally via text for a couple weeks, but then I got that sense that she was completely "over it" so I stopped talking to her all together. Then Id get a missed call, or text from her saying she misses me or whatever and Id respond and then shed ignore me again. Anyways, its now been 4 months since I dated this girl and I literally cant get her off my mind. Im a confident guy and dont have much trouble meeting girls at all, but this one did something to me I cant even explain. I think its because it ended without any real closure for me that I am stuck in limbo here and its driving me crazy. We live in the same city and have the same friends so I occasionally see her out and say hi and bye and thats it. Im really stubborn so its hard for me to give in, but Ive even asked her to meet for lunch one day so I can talk to her one more time but she ignored me. I never needed a relationship from this girl, I was just sticking up for myself (who just brings that up after dinner if they dont like someone anymore?) and wanted her to see that. I feel like it sort of backfired, but then she told me she liked me more because I did that. Im so confused and now its past the point that I can go to her because 1. We were never officially together and I look like a psycho if I still approach her like Im thinking about it all the time and 2. I feel like she totally dissed me and I dont know why I cant get over it. She totally pulled the "oh my god Im head over heels for you, oh wait, nevermind I changed my mind and dont know what you're talking about" act. It pisses me off that I never got to call her out on that bull**** and and I never got to express my true feelings.

 

Is this rare? Anybody else have a similar experience? I know I just need to get laid and find another girl, and Im not worried about that happening I just feel like there was a purpose for her to enter my life. Like it was so surreal that I wont ever find another one like her and dont want to waste that opportunity. Please share stories as I am very interested in everyone's thoughts on this matter. Thank you for your support.

 

Well you want a story, and I'll give ya one since you really want to know that your not the only one like this =).

 

So I also have hooked up with a lot of girls, never gotten to the sex part but everything else has been done multiple times, I just saved the sex part till I met someone special and I thought it was this girl ( OH BOY WAS I WRONG ). Anyways I met this girl in a hottub at a party, we hit it off great, hooked up in the hottub and never looked back for 2 months. I took things slowly to make sure she was legit, and she complied with everything, she told me that she respected that and likes that I want to get to know her first and what not. After that party, we texted, talked everyday, dated, and what not. Then she invited me to go over to her house and spend the night with her parents there 3 weeks later. So I was thinking? man she is letting me spend the night at her parents? she must be thinking strongly about this stuff. That night we went out, came back and watched a movie, I knew something was different about this night and that something was going to happen. After the movie was over I decided that this girl was great, she fitted all my expectations and I couldn't have been happier, I felt like a great big void was drilled in to my life and that void had finally disappeared. We decided to become intimate that night and I felt it was the right decision. After that night she went out of town, and she was supposed to spend the 3 days away but she only spent 2 days because she wanted to see me so badly. So ever since that intimate night we kept that up for another month until she went away to school. It was honestly the greatest 2 months of my life, I had dinner with the parents, she slept over at my condo, we'd go jet-skiing and I couldn't have been happier. I felt like I could tell her anything. Getting near the end she was telling me how she thought that she would end up being with me but Long distance is so hard and that she had a previous long distance for a year the previous school year. She wanted to give it a semester and see if it could work. Then she was drunk at a party with me, and she was crying on how she is going to miss me so much, and that she wants to be with me but she knew she cant due to her worrying about long distance and what not. Then the last day I got to see her she drove over really late at night ( it's a 40 minute drive between us) before her early morning plane before she flew to school just to be with me and get to see me for the last time. We had sex and she stayed till 3am until her flight was at 9am in the morning. I was like damn this girl really likes me and if she is doing this I think it'll work and I'll try my best.

 

Then she left for school and everything changed, she talked to me everyday for 2 weeks, then she became quiet and I called her out on it. I was like what is wrong? are you really busy with school? and she just responded to me and said , " that is one of the reason". So i was just messagin her and saying what are the other reasons? did I do something wrong? if I did please let me know!!. She told me that I was getting to involved with the relationship and that she wasn't as invested as I was. And that she wants to have those random hook up nights and not have any regrets with me. She wanted me to go date other girls and she wanted to be with other guys. I was so heart-broken I thought my heart just dropped through the world. So of course I played it off saying that I still want to talk to you, I do care about you and I will never forget about you, but then I slept on it and was like wow am I that much of a pussy and going to take that crap from her? So the next day I messaged her and said that I don't deserve to be treated this way, I deserve to be treated the way that I treat others and I feel that it's not the case with you. Just call me next summer when your back in town. then she said she didn't want a relationship for over a year and that she wants to live the single life, then within 2 months of me, she is dating another guy that has nothing on me. He is ugly, looks like a tool and what not. She told me that she will contact me next summer, but idk if she actually will. I feel that she is only dating this guy to get back at me in a sense cause I broke it off with her, or she is so obsessed with sex and that she played me as a good girl that she just wanted some dick to f*ck. She even made fun of this kid the whole time we were dating during the summer, about how bad he was at hooking up and how bad he was in the sack because they hooked up the previous school year before I met her. So I found out she lied to me, and used me to a sense. I was so hurt that my mind wasn't thinking straight for a good 1.5 months after that. I'm still bitter about it and think about why she did that to me. Then I think that she is just a immature female that doesn't know what she wants.

 

Sorry for rambling but I thought this story might help you out man, please let me know if it does.

 

Thebob

[Thebob]

Let me know if this helps, I don't like posting massive novels unless its gunna help the person lol. Hopefully my story can make you feel better about your whole situation.

 

Thebob

[amtz]

I had ridden a long reply to this post, but this crap logged me out

 

All I can say is that as I read your post it felt like if I was reading my own story (you can search for my story if you like). I'm going through exactly the same. Don't feel bad brother You gave her your best and it there is nothing better than that! They are the ones with issues since they cant see what was in front of them, they in fact don't even know what they want in life and sooner or later regret will hit them at one point of their lives! Eventually someone will notice what a great guy you are and will appreciate you for what you are!

 

Will pray for you

[oneandone]

Thanks for all your guys' insight. Appreciate you sharing that. I like hearing similar stories just so I realize its more of a "typical female" thing than just her, or me. She was a confused girl about what she wants in life and would admit that to me all the time. Im understanding of that, but not understanding of the whole "you're the perfect man, Ive never felt this way before" into all of a sudden "Im still not sure if I like you or not." 4 months is plenty of time to know if you can see a future with someone and if she would have mentioned to me that maybe down the line she could see herself with me but right now she wasnt ready, then I would have been way more cool with keeping things going. I just still kick myself about maybe not communicating with her as well as I should have about my feelings or maybe I should have just told her that I didnt want a relationship either and to take her space as she would have most likely tried to reconcile things as girls like guys that reject them and come off as if that wouldnt faze me losing her. I just thought I could finally stop playing all the "games" with this girl and as soon as I stopped, I got burned. Lesson learned.

[Thebob]

I think we both got burned doing the NC thing, because that was their goal in the first place. They wanted us to do the NC and once we established it they were all game for it. Girls do that stuff so they won't hurt the guys feelings, cause they know that you care for them and what not. I mean mine already has a boyfriend within 2 months of me establishing NC with her. She wished me a happy b-day then 3 days later is official with another man. I don't know what she is trying to pull, but I give her props for having the balls to wish me a happy b-day. We'll see if she contacts me during the summer when she comes back due to the fact that I think she is using this new guy for sex and that is it. She is a horny toad and I think she was willing to take anything for sex.

 

Thebob

[dietpepsi]

Women.

 

They are scared of they want

They want what they are scared of

I have you

Now i don't want to have you

They are independent! They don't need your attention.

Hey, why aren't you paying me any attention!

 

 

 

 

-No offense to any women, just ma thoughts-

[amtz]

I think we both got burned doing the NC thing, because that was their goal in the first place. They wanted us to do the NC and once we established it they were all game for it. Girls do that stuff so they won't hurt the guys feelings, cause they know that you care for them and what not. I mean mine already has a boyfriend within 2 months of me establishing NC with her. She wished me a happy b-day then 3 days later is official with another man. I don't know what she is trying to pull, but I give her props for having the balls to wish me a happy b-day. We'll see if she contacts me during the summer when she comes back due to the fact that I think she is using this new guy for sex and that is it. She is a horny toad and I think she was willing to take anything for sex.

 

Thebob

 

I totally agree with you People like this are simply waste of time... Dealing with the depression and thoughts of guilt is hard as it is!!! Things that I had never heard in my life were said to me "You are the love of my life" or "I had never felt something so strong in a short amount of time". Thinking of all this and how fast she decided to brake up makes me insane...

We all just have to tuck in our balls and move on...

 

"Habra quien te lleve a la cama pero no quien te siente en un comedor"

 

Translation "Many will take you to be, none will seat you for dinner"

 

 

Will pray for you