arh0530 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Okay, I will try to keep my story as short as possible. I dated my ex for 3 years. 3 great years. We had an awesome relationship, talked about marriage, kids, being together forever, all of it. Was a bridesmaid in a wedding in TX out of town and got a tiny crush on an usher. Didn't act on it in any way, but it freaked me out to have an attraction to someone else. I told him maybe we needed a break, we both hadn't dated around too much and maybe we should so that we would have no doubts in our minds that we should be together. He asked me not to, said he wanted to work things out twice within the next week, I said no we needed to casually date around, but I was still willing to have an open relationship. He said no, if he couldn't be with me, he couldn't date me while dating other girls. This was back in the middle of April. Less than 2 weeks later he is in a full-fledged relationship with another girl (a mutual acquaintence from work). She is the complete opposite of me. I knew it was a rebound and he would still text me saying he missed me, would I give him another chance if he was to come back, etc etc. But he stayed with her. I also began to date someone as well, although not as fast-moving as he did with his girlfriend. We still talked for the most part, although I did do a month of NC...afterwards he also told me he missed me, couldn't stop thinking about me, etc. Well, the two broke up/went on a break back in the middle to end of July. They went through weeks of being together, then not together. I knew they were still talking constantly, although I did start seeing the ex more and talking to him as a friend about a few things, but never very often only every couple weeks. Turns out she had sex with two other guys from Aug-Oct (so she says) and she only admitted to it after he found out he got HPV from her. She lied and told him there was nothing between her and one of the guys, and now she is dating him after they broke up. They no longer speak at all. He was very upset with the STD and the break up and the lying- and I was his shoulder to cry on. For about a week and a half he was very upset, but now is doing better. He also has lost a bunch of weight and is having a lot of tests done- had a cancer scare and I was there to comfort him then too. We have spent nearly every day hanging out the past month, and text often. It is ALWAYS him to initiate hanging out, this includes dinner dates (he has paid too), watching romantic movies, going to Athens for a friends birthday when he offered to come out of his way to drive me, he asked me to go to a family reunion, etc. Sounds like we're getting back together, right? Wrong. Every time the topic of us comes up, he says he isn't really sure what he wants, he doesn't know if his feelings are that strong for me anymore that he knows he loves me but isn't "in love" with me, and can't we just be friends? So i said yes. We agreed we will be friends and see if anything more happens. And just go with the flow. But it seems like every time we get close to something, he will reminisce about things we did in the past, etc. only to be stuck in the dreaded "friend zone". What do I do? Should I back off? I am not initiating contact or hanging out, so should I say no every once in awhile? Tell him I have plans to keep him guessing? It also might help to let you know that a huge reason behind us not getting back together is part of his confusion- he thinks that since a "spark" is gone, that initial rush of emotions and butterflies you get at the beginning of a relationship, that we shouldn't be together. He (I guess) does not value the emotional intimacy and closeness as much, or thinks that you should have both. We both agree that we let our relationship be on the backburner towards the end of our relationship-we didn't work as much at making alone time, date nights, etc. and the romance kind of fizzled. How do I get it back? And how do I get him interested again?
Confused728 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 My ex said the same thing about the spark, he never been in a relationship before me and he is 35 lol, so i think he belives that your always supposed to feel like u did in the very begining..I have been on NC for 6 weeks now going on seven, i dont even answer his text... i think maybe you should do NC so he knows what its like without you around..otherwise you might always be stuck in the friend catagory... My ex wanted to be freinds hang out, would text me often, that was the first month after the break up but i stoped that and went NC i got 4 text messages from him in the last 6 weeks just asking how i am pretty much, i didnt answer...
jerseyboy Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 My ex said the same thing about the spark, he never been in a relationship before me and he is 35 lol, so i think he belives that your always supposed to feel like u did in the very begining..I have been on NC for 6 weeks now going on seven, i dont even answer his text... i think maybe you should do NC so he knows what its like without you around..otherwise you might always be stuck in the friend catagory... My ex wanted to be freinds hang out, would text me often, that was the first month after the break up but i stoped that and went NC i got 4 text messages from him in the last 6 weeks just asking how i am pretty much, i didnt answer... No relationship before 35?????? Thats scary
melja Posted November 21, 2009 Posted November 21, 2009 Wow. He did warn you not to break up. I don't think it is possible to get the spark back for a 3 year relationship once it has gone, based on mine. I gave the relationships a good try and after 3 years knew I didn't want to spend my life with those guys. You need to focus on meeting new people, that may make him jealous and come back to you, or you could lose him for ever but have a new guy you like better. Sorry about your pain I am trying to reverse a break up I instigated too, but it is slowly moving in the right direction, would have been easier to just stay together.
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