Taucher Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 (edited) So, I am leaving my flat to meet a friend in a pub near me. I go out the front door and out the corner of my eye I see someone who looks like my ex, but I cant be sure. So I go to cross the road. I dont want to look back in case it is her. My phone falls out my hand onto the road. I fumble about in the road forever, pick up my phone. I am half way across the road and I hear "Taucher" (not Taucher obviously, but my name), so I keep walking across the road. SHe shouts my name again. I'm thinking "leave me alone". She shouts my name again, louder this time. I have to turn around. I am on the other side of the road now. : Standing outside my front door is my ex, all dressed up (I think; it was dark). She waves, smiles nervously and asks how I am. I say: "Fine, how are you". She says "fine." As she is saying that I turn to walk away. She looks nervous but is smiling but looks sad as she realises that I am going. I read all this in her face in an instant. My heart is beating. I walk on the other side of the road, she is walking on the opposite side, but in the same direction. My mobile rings and I asnwer it. I look up 2 minutes later and I see my ex walking faster. 2 minutes later she has gone. I dont know where, she might have gone into a shop, but I cant see her. My heart beat so fast. I went to the pub, straight to the toilet and cried for 5 minutes straight. So, I been dreading this, she lives 5 minutes walk up the same road. 1) Why was she so keen to make contact with me. I was not sure she had seen me. She could have said nothing and let me go. 2) Did she want to just chit chat on the side of the road for 5 minutes like I am some acquantance she quite likes? 3) Why cant she leave me alone? Square one for me, I was moving on. Now, I feel like sh*t. Drunken stupid sh*t. I been nearly 3 months NC, have not seen her for 4.5 months. Have I broken NC now? What on earth compelled her to call out to me? She left me, she broke my heart and SHE KNOWS THIS. What was she trying to achieve? This happened earlier, at 8PM tonight. Please help me? Will I never get over her? I want her back. T -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” Edited November 18, 2009 by Taucher
rp123 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 So sorry to hear your pain.... Feeling it with you. Try not to over analyse. She called you, you only responded. Give yourself a break...Tomorrow you may feel ok...
floods88 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 i dont know what kind of advice to give you. But i feel your pain, i really do and im sorry your feeling like this. I know i will probably get shot down for this, but maybe you should speak to her. tell her how you really feel. Even if she rejects you, at least you have something to start working from again, rather than the not knowing. I hope you feel better soon I hope
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, all I can say is that I know what pain you are in and the tears. Here is hoping tomorrow will be better. Nothing you could have done when she called to you. Just know you are not alone in your feelings. Best wishes
USMCHokie Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I know i will probably get shot down for this, but maybe you should speak to her. tell her how you really feel. Even if she rejects you, at least you have something to start working from again, rather than the not knowing. T, you know that everyone here has your back...you've helped so many and you can be sure that you'll get the same back... Although floods brings up a strategy that would generally be frowned upon, she does have a point...yes, you could continue NC and continue to move on not knowing for sure what's going on in her little head...or you can just speak to her and get it over with...she may still not tell you everything, but if she flat out rejects you, it's something you can work from...no more hope of a second chance...100% move on... Now I'm not recommending one way or the other, but just saying that both sides have their merits... Anyway, time will eventually do its magic and bring you back to where you were before...you just have to trust it...
northstar1 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I understand you feel awful, seeing an ex is a horrible dose of reality. But this girl has shown a habit of walking away when it suits her and then coming back. Objectively, (and I know it's hard to look at it that way), she's just not good for you and your emotional state man. I wouldn't contact her, it will pull you back into the circle of pain even more.
mickleb Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Sorry to hear about your sh*t night, Tauch. I'm afraid I see her calling out to you as, merely, nothing special. If mine saw me, he'd do the same, I'm sure. You stayed strong in front of her - we all drop our damned phones from time to time! You communicated to her that you didn't want to chat. That is completely fair enough. She probably looked sad because she was reminded of how much she's hurt a lovely person. If she really wanted you back, she wouldn't have just shouted at you across the street. She wouldn't have let you go away. She wouldn't have disappeared. I'm sorry. You have been doing really, really well. Sh*t like this will probably happen to most of us, at some point and it was so likely (with you living down the street from her) that it was going to happen sooner rather than later. Please tell yourself that you did well to get through that with such dignity. Pat yourself on the back for managing to get on with your life, as you do, every day after such an awful shock to your system. Cry to get the pain out. You don't want it held inside. And then remember that tommorow IS another day. And you are getting there. Bless yer. x
Author Taucher Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 Once again, thanks everybody. Although floods brings up a strategy that would generally be frowned upon, she does have a point...yes, you could continue NC and continue to move on not knowing for sure what's going on in her little head...or you can just speak to her and get it over with...she may still not tell you everything, but if she flat out rejects you, it's something you can work from...no more hope of a second chance...100% move on... Now I'm not recommending one way or the other, but just saying that both sides have their merits... Yes, I agree with this and I think floods is speaking sense. This occured to me in the pub about an hour after I saw her. I wish I had crossed back over the road and told her exactly how I feel, that I love her still and that she hurt me, she really hurt me. And she cant expect me to play a part in her life any more and if she cared about me just a little bit, she would leave me alone. ANd please can I have my bike back from her parents too. I think this would have been OK cos I did not initiate contact, she presented herself there right infront of me. That moment has passed and I will not say these things via text or email. NC starts again now, until I bump into her again. Sorry to hear about your sh*t night, Tauch. I'm afraid I see her calling out to you as, merely, nothing special. If mine saw me, he'd do the same, I'm sure. You stayed strong in front of her - we all drop our damned phones from time to time! You communicated to her that you didn't want to chat. That is completely fair enough. She probably looked sad because she was reminded of how much she's hurt a lovely person. If she really wanted you back, she wouldn't have just shouted at you across the street. She wouldn't have let you go away. She wouldn't have disappeared. I'm sorry. You have been doing really, really well. Sh*t like this will probably happen to most of us, at some point and it was so likely (with you living down the street from her) that it was going to happen sooner rather than later. Please tell yourself that you did well to get through that with such dignity. Pat yourself on the back for managing to get on with your life, as you do, every day after such an awful shock to your system. Cry to get the pain out. You don't want it held inside. And then remember that tommorow IS another day. And you are getting there. Bless yer. x Thank you once again m. I agree with what you say. Thing is, I have told a few of my nearest and dearest what happened and their reactions and take on it have all been very different. One person said it sounds like she still has feelings because she shouted out to me like that but then if she had feelings still and something to say, she would not wait until a chance encounter in the street to say it. Her calling to me meant nothing to her. Maybe my reaction did. But no one knows so its not even worth worrying about. But I think a little bit she may think she can see me and just chat. I hope she thinks about this now. I hope she realises a little bit more. The issues were that she looked amazing. Still the most heart stoppingly beautiful woman I have ever seen and now her amazing beauty is kind of unbearable now. Also, I feel so sad and guilty when I remember the sad look in her eyes when she turned away. This is the secon time she has gone out her way to come and see me in the street and the second time I was aloof. ANd I feel sorry for her, because ultimately I love her and I want her to be happy. Still feel sad, but this thing I was dreading has happened and that is almost a relief. I did cry, I cant anymore but the pain is not so bad. Sorry to go on. Thank you mickleb
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