dzzz Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 how were you guys able to spend the day with the OM/OW and then come home to your spouse and act as if nothing happend? i can understand it being easier if your spouse is abusive or chooses to neglect your needs but what about the BS who truly dont deserve this? how bad was the guilt, if any during anniversarys and other precious moments between you and your spouse? what were you thinking when you looked at them during the A?
foreal Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 how were you guys able to spend the day with the OM/OW and then come home to your spouse and act as if nothing happend? i can understand it being easier if your spouse is abusive or chooses to neglect your needs but what about the BS who truly dont deserve this? how bad was the guilt, if any during anniversarys and other precious moments between you and your spouse? what were you thinking when you looked at them during the A? BW here. My H came home from work one day (late of course) and I had a wonderful dinner waiting for him, a martini chilled etc etc...this was about 3 weeks before our 20th ann and he was heavily into the A- He walked in and just burst into tears and cried like a baby. I was taken back and asked him, my god what happened?? He held me tight, like a child and just kept crying and crying. I said, "please tell me what's wrong" . He kept starting and stopping what he was saying, making little sense. Then, he just turned his crying off, his emotions off, pulled away from me and said, "I just miss my mom"- then started crying again but for only a minute. I asked him not too long ago about that- if he was crying b/c of his mom... He said he wasn't missing his mom- he was missing me but didn't know how to tell me what he'd done. He was a mess.
hopeless4u Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 My MM's guilt was and still is terrible, his W is not a bad person although their M has problems he struggles with what we are doing every day but every time we've tried to end it with NC he can't function at all!
Spoiled Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 how were you guys able to spend the day with the OM/OW and then come home to your spouse and act as if nothing happend? i can understand it being easier if your spouse is abusive or chooses to neglect your needs but what about the BS who truly dont deserve this? how bad was the guilt, if any during anniversarys and other precious moments between you and your spouse? what were you thinking when you looked at them during the A? I usually saw my xMM when my H was traveling with work to avoid facing him for a few days. The few times he was at home, I was guilt ridden. Could not look him in the eyes, sit in the same room during the evening, and would not let him do anything for our children. And I was ignored and neglected. My xMM and I actually saw each other for the first time very close to both of our anniversaries(prefer not to be too specific). So stupid. I lost even more respect for my H during the A. My main gripe prior to the A was that he did not pay me any attention and only cared about his own happiness. Even with my strange behavior and other things, he never suspected anything, he did not even notice. It only proved to me how much he really paid attention. Yet when he was sweet, I was so ashamed and could not sleep at night.
learnfrommymistakes Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 dzzz I am glad you asked this, I wanted to bring it up but have posted too much of late and want to ease up. at the risk of threadjacking, I will shut up and listen...lol lfmm
White Flower Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 how were you guys able to spend the day with the OM/OW and then come home to your spouse and act as if nothing happend? i can understand it being easier if your spouse is abusive or chooses to neglect your needs but what about the BS who truly dont deserve this? how bad was the guilt, if any during anniversarys and other precious moments between you and your spouse? what were you thinking when you looked at them during the A? I think MM dealt with it by thinking as long as he was never going to leave her then it would be ok. He traded his guilt in for loyalty (which is different than faithfulness).
mybrowneyedgirl Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 we were never together when either of us were going to see the spouse when we got home. i realize that doesnt make it any better. it was just a rule. i do however remember this sinking feeling one day on my way home after spending an entire night with him. my H was on business for a week and would be home in a few days. i think for the few years the affair was going on i never was able to really look my H in the eyes. my xmm however, had no problem with it. im pretty sure there were days he did it with both of us.
DiDi123 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Wow- what timing for this to come up..... My MM told me today that he confronted his W this afternoon because he feels he just "can't live 2 lives anymore" -I have no idea what's going to happen at this point- but I know he is extremely conflicted and stressed about the guilt he feel about hurting both of us. He does realize his marriage has been "over" for 10 years and I know I am the motivation for this action.
Author dzzz Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 thanks for the replies i appreciate them and sorry if i made the question seem a little biased
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 In retrospect, my H, WS, would quickly find something to do, some little project, like fixing something, working in the yard ect... Some times he would pick a fight or get angry about something or criticize me. I guess that made it seem ok in his eyes.
OWoman Posted December 2, 2009 Posted December 2, 2009 Some people are really good at compartmentalising.
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