HeavenOrHell Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I've gone right down again the last few days, I don't know what to do with myself or with these feelings, wish there was a pill I could take and it would all be gone. I am so incredibly lonely and empty, I've been in a never ending nightmare for months and can't see an end to it. I know most people say NC, I've gone 3 1/2 weeks but I can't do it anymore, I am seeing him on saturday, I NEED his company, even if it's just friendship now, he is too special, we have too much of a bond to lose each other altogether. I know NC is right for a lot of people, but I don't know if it is right for me/us, seriously, I have to find out for myself, maybe it will be right in the future, but for now NC doesn't feel right. Some people say use this time to become stronger and not so needy, but surely most, if not all, people in a loving relationship need each other to a certain extent, wanting to feel loved and needed is natural, surely and not a weakness. As long as you're not so needy that you can't do anything without them. He left cos he didn't feel loved and needed enough anymore. I didn't realise quite how much he meant to me until he left
stace79 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I know how you feel. I was okay earlier today, for all of about five hours. Now I'm feeling lonely and empty like you, wishing that he would come back to me for the holidays and for my birthday which is right near Christmas. I want to see him so badly, but he won't see me. He says seeing me would just make him want to get back together -- to which I say, why is that a problem? Obviously we love each other. If he has those feelings, why can't he give us one last chance? I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, too. I really hate to see people suffer this way -- it's excruciating. I hope something happens to cheer you up. And I do believe that contact or NC you have to decide what's right for YOU. Everybody else could tell you to go NC til they're blue in the face, but if it isn't YOUR decision b/c YOU feel it's right, then it won't work for you.
sean1970 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I know most people say NC, I've gone 3 1/2 weeks but I can't do it anymore, I am seeing him on saturday, I NEED his company, even if it's just friendship now, he is too special, we have too much of a bond to lose each other altogether. You know it is not 'need'... it is desperate 'want'... I know NC is right for a lot of people, but I don't know if it is right for me/us, seriously, I have to find out for myself, maybe it will be right in the future, but for now NC doesn't feel right. Nothing at all feels 'right' about it... Hurts like hell. It is just, for most, the alternative to feeling like hell longer... No one here ever said that NC would not hurt a great deal. No one said it would only hurt for x days/months. And no one here said it was easy... It is just the most effective way to heal and get over your ex. For me, if only a little bit everyday, it also restores some of the self respect I lost in the aftermath. Some people say use this time to become stronger and not so needy, but surely most, if not all, people in a loving relationship need each other to a certain extent, wanting to feel loved and needed is natural, surely and not a weakness. As long as you're not so needy that you can't do anything without them. What about this is a 'loving relationship'? Loving relationships are reciprocal things. He left cos he didn't feel loved and needed enough anymore. I didn't realise quite how much he meant to me until he left... Does he want to get back with you now? I hate to put it this way but.... Ask yourself this, what if he no longer wants to talk to you because he's interested in another? Where will you be if he no longer wants to see you?
Author HeavenOrHell Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 I guess it's a need AND a want. It doesn't feel right to me to let go completely of the person who has been my life companion for 18 years, that's how I've felt since he left in july, but of course that may well change and there will come a time (could be tomorrow, I don't know!) when NC will be the way to go for me. We loved each other for 18 years, he still loves me, but not in love now, he said his feelings for me wore away bit by because of neglect the last 2 years (I badly neglected him) and he didn't feel important anymore or very loved and needed. I didn't try to rectify things until it was too late. No he doesn't want to get back with me, maybe he never will, although it is a possibility I guess as we split 9 years ago twice and he came back, we had got into a rut (both our faults), and he can see I've changed things now, but no, it is unlikely he will come back, I can't imagine anything so wonderful as that. I believe him when he says he will always want me in his life as we are still close and click so well, he said I will always be special to him and when he went he said he was terrified of losing me altogether. He said if he meets someone who isn't happy with us being close still that he wouldn't be with them for long. That part could be BS, although he meant it when he said it. He said it will be a long time before he even knows if he wants to be with someone else. I don't think he will want to stop seeing me if/when he starts seeing someone else. BUT if I still have feelings for him then, then I will cut all ties. You know it is not 'need'... it is desperate 'want'... Nothing at all feels 'right' about it... Hurts like hell. It is just, for most, the alternative to feeling like hell longer... No one here ever said that NC would not hurt a great deal. No one said it would only hurt for x days/months. And no one here said it was easy... It is just the most effective way to heal and get over your ex. For me, if only a little bit everyday, it also restores some of the self respect I lost in the aftermath. What about this is a 'loving relationship'? Loving relationships are reciprocal things. Does he want to get back with you now? I hate to put it this way but.... Ask yourself this, what if he no longer wants to talk to you because he's interested in another? Where will you be if he no longer wants to see you?
sean1970 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I guess it's a need AND a want. It doesn't feel right to me to let go completely of the person who has been my life companion for 18 years, that's how I've felt since he left in july, but of course that may well change and there will come a time (could be tomorrow, I don't know!) when NC will be the way to go for me. We loved each other for 18 years, he still loves me, but not in love now, he said his feelings for me wore away bit by because of neglect the last 2 years (I badly neglected him) and he didn't feel important anymore or very loved and needed. I didn't try to rectify things until it was too late. No he doesn't want to get back with me, maybe he never will, although it is a possibility I guess as we split 9 years ago twice and he came back, we had got into a rut (both our faults), and he can see I've changed things now, but no, it is unlikely he will come back, I can't imagine anything so wonderful as that. I believe him when he says he will always want me in his life as we are still close and click so well, he said I will always be special to him and when he went he said he was terrified of losing me altogether. He said if he meets someone who isn't happy with us being close still that he wouldn't be with them for long. That part could be BS, although he meant it when he said it. He said it will be a long time before he even knows if he wants to be with someone else. I don't think he will want to stop seeing me if/when he starts seeing someone else. BUT if I still have feelings for him then, then I will cut all ties. I hear everything you are saying and I feel for you. It is just hard to see you put yourself through this...
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