LostLozz Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I am crying again at this enormous loss that I cannot seem to get over. I was doing well for a while and still have not contacted him, although can't bare this any longer. I miss my friend so much. He feels like a complete stranger now and although we occassionally say hello if we see each other at work, there has been no further conversing between us. I see the sadness in his eyes and know that he must be missing me too. Almost a week ago I saw him at work and I made the first effort by saying Hello. He has been keeping his distance after I told him that I was letting go and that I would need him to leave me alone for now. He was respecting my wishes, but now I don't know if I can deal with this. I know it hurt so much when I tried to be his friend and I couldn't do that...but this hurts just as bad too. I hate the fact that he and I are strangers now. I have gotten over the fact that I am no longer in his life and am not privvy to the information about his life that I would normally be if I was his girlfriend. So my question is...If I am coming to terms that we are no longer an 'US', and I believe that we will probably never be again, why can't I shut my feelings off. I know this is grief, but I see him and desperately want to hold him again. I hate what we have become. I have activated my facebook account again and am contemplating getting in touch to say hi. Is this a very stupid thing to do? Please help me...the tears are now falling like rain and I am currently 27 days NC apart from a polite Hello here and there. Please read my previous threads to know my relationship history with my CP ex.
sean1970 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Really sorry you are having a bad day... why can't I shut my feelings off. If it were only that easy... I have activated my facebook account again and am contemplating getting in touch to say hi. Is this a very stupid thing to do? If you were in a better place about this, maybe. But are you really ready to start back at square one if he does not accept/respond? Could he have pictures there and posts that would hurt you? Please help me...the tears are now falling like rain and I am currently 27 days NC apart from a polite Hello here and there. He is the one that broke it off, shouldn't he be the one to approach you? Would that not feel 100000 times better than you doing it and being rejected? You have come a long way... You are stronger for it and someone is going to be lucky to have you when you are ready...
Author LostLozz Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Sean, I actually believe that he would be responsive to any contact that I give him. I saw him again the following day after first saying hello to him. We again said hello and nothing more. I was getting into the passenger seat of a car and he was standing outside, talking to the driver through his window. As he said goodbye he leaned forward so I could see his face through the windscreen. He waved me goodbye and I did the same. His face looked terribly sad, as did mine. We are strangers now. I just know that each and everytime that I see him, I feel like I go back a few weeks in the healing process. I know that the next likely time that I could bump into him, will be the 3rd Dec. So should I make contact with him or just leave it completely and carry on this sad act of being strangers. I know he loves me and cares for me, but I am pretty sure that we are over forever anyway because of his commitment conflicts. I feel like I am close to understanding that we once were, but not longer are... but maybe I am not completely over that fact. Of course I would love for him to contact me but I think he wont because he is respecting my decision. This happened once before and I told him that I could not be friends (Very early on after the split)...I then text him out of the blue and he was so happy to hear from me. I am now the conflicted one!!!
Meaplus3 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Lost, I feel your pain.. have been there myself. But you know what? Your doing a GREAT job of sticking with no contact.. and the no contact will allow you to heal and move past all this. I know it's tough, but try real hard to distract yourself with fun and enjoyable things. You will get there.. it may just take time. Best wishes. Mea:)
Author LostLozz Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Thanks Mea.... I think I am trying soooo hard to get over him that I actually always feel like I am failing. I have seen his facebook profile and there is nothing on there that gets me upset. A male friend said to me that maybe it is best that I bump into him and see him as often as possible so that I can get over him whilst he remains in my work/social environment. After all I can't kill him. He will always be there, so maybe it is best to get over the saddness by putting myself through it head first! I am trying to move on. I am on a online dating website and really there is so much more to explore then just one person that I cannot help no matter how much I want to. I would love to be in the position of me falling for a lovely new man, my ex then approaching me and I have to tell him sadly that his chance has now gone, however now I can be the friend that he wants....I can only dream!!!
sean1970 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 So should I make contact with him or just leave it completely and carry on this sad act of being strangers. I know he loves me and cares for me, but I am pretty sure that we are over forever anyway because of his commitment conflicts. Sounds like you answered your own question. What has changed with commitment issues? It is not a sad act if you want more than friends but he does not. Remember, if they really wanted to be with us, they would really let us know. Of course I would love for him to contact me but I think he wont because he is respecting my decision. This happened once before and I told him that I could not be friends (Very early on after the split)...I then text him out of the blue and he was so happy to hear from me. I am now the conflicted one!!! Isnt "Hello" contact? He must at least have an idea that you would not tell him to go away if he wanted to talk to you, yes? Just be glad that you have only said "hello" and not anything more you may regret later.
Author LostLozz Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Sean...You are right. I have stifled the tears. I forced myself to say Hello to him because I was sick of giving him the silent treatment at work. I always portray professionalism when at work. We are colleagues after all and I suppose I wanted to show him that I was the bigger person. At this moment in time I probably do still want more than friends because I am not completely over him. I accept that we are over but the damn bloody feelings are still there!! This all aside, I really am soooo much better than I was. I know that I did everything that I possibly could to make our relationship work. I really didn't do anything wrong and I can say that I truly have no regrets at all. I would love to think that even the slightest amount of regret enters his head every now and again. I am low also because I usually love the whole Christmas period and now I feel like I have totally lost all my spirit. I am dreading christmas and being alone. This will be my first ever christmas without being in a relationship since I was 15 (I'm 27 now). New Years Eve is going to be so miserable. Who will I kiss at midnight and look lovingly in their eyes....how depressing!!! It would have been our 2 year anniversary on the 18th December....dreading that one as well!!! (Sean I know what you mean about the little nicknames...I used to call my man Chicken too...miss saying that to him).
sean1970 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 It would have been our 2 year anniversary on the 18th December....dreading that one as well!!! (Sean I know what you mean about the little nicknames...I used to call my man Chicken too...miss saying that to him). Way spooky, ours is/was the 18th!!! Karen?
Author LostLozz Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 WOW!! That is waaayy freaky!!!....and no, I'm Lauren from London. x
Author LostLozz Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 (edited) Hi guys...I need your suppport again. Last night, without really planning to, I initiated contact with my ex. I was on FB and he was showing online also. I was not going to make any contact after posting my forum but he kinda dragged me into it...whether he actually meant to or not. On my FB status I had mentioned that I really enjoyed watching 'Twilight' on sky movies and that I really wanted to see the sequel 'The new moon' that is coming to the cinema. I had a few comments from mutual friends and then I signed off. I then received a pop-up message saying that I had a FB message. I couldn't be bothered to log back on so had a check via my mobile phone and clear as I went onto the home page the first thing I saw was that my ex had added a link to free tickets for 'the new moon' premiere. I then looked further and he had added this link 3 times at different intervals. I thought that he must have added this link for my benefit because I had only just written on my status about how much I wanted to see it and nobody else did. It seemes an unlikely coincidence that he would do that unless he did it for me. Stupidly I didn't really think this through. I messaged him on FB chat the conversation went like this: - Me - Thanks for the new moon link Him - What new moon link I just clicked on it in mark’s gf’s profile and it took me to bloody ugg boots Has it been sent to you? Me - No don’t worry Him - Have you seen the film then? Did it redirect you to ugg boots as well Me - See my status. I saw the first one tonight. No. You have posted a link 3 times on the home page for free tickets. Him - Ah Yeah don’t click on it as it takes you to ugg boots and then clearly adds it to your own home page Me - Ah ok. I wont. Are you well? Him - I am yes. Just getting over the fourth or fifth cold this year Kids are a nightmare Me - Maybe you need a dose of vitamins if you keep getting run down Him - Most likely How are you? How’s *my son's name* and your parents? Me - I am fine. my son is great and Mum and Dad are good too. How is *His son's name* and your family? Him - *His Son* is mr chatty, all I get from him when I tell him off is “leave me I tired” Me - Lol Cheeky monkey Him - That he is And family are all ok Me - I’m glad to hear that Him - You enjoying your new job yet? ***He then gives me information on him and his hope for a promotion that he is applying for*** Me - It has its moments…I’ll stick it out because ** Changed wording but the gist is (it would be good for my career). Great news about your application. I never doubted that you wouldn’t pass it. Well done. Him - Haven’t passed it yet. The process has changed. ***He explains the promotion process*** Me - Ahh so you should find out if you can in feb? Him - Yep Me - Cool stuff[/FONT][/sIZE] He tells me more information about what work he has been doing for his promotion*** (I ask if he passes, will he remain on the borough where we both work. He says that he will not and will be off to pastures new as it would be too difficult trying to tell your friends what to do if he was promoted over them.) Him - I will be off to pastures new. ***Had to act in charge the other day *** Felt so awkward telling mates what to do. I think a new borough is the way forward. ***He hopes to move to a borough not far away More chit chat about that possible move Me - Well if you have a leaving drink, let me know and I’ll pop in and say my goodbyes to you. Him - That I will, but as I said got to get through fisrt Me - You will. Have a bot of faith. Him - Can I have a bit of faith instead Me - You know what I meant….fisrt Him - lol Me - Anyway I best sign off. Nice talking to you again. Good luck with the result. Sure you won’t need it and all the best to you, your son and the family x Him - You too. Take care and speak to you soon. x Well that cements it...we are friends/colleagues but that is it. He made no attempts to speak to me about 'us' and if he has any feelings for me so guess all hope really is gone now. I just don't understand why he would add the 'The New Moon' link. I have no idea if he has even watched it or maybe he was just nosey and was checking it out so he knew what I was speaking about on my profile. I'm bummed today. Why do I want him so much??? Edited November 18, 2009 by LostLozz
9Lives Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Hi guys...I need your suppport again. Last night, without really planning to, I initiated contact with my ex. I was on FB and he was showing online also. I was not going to make any contact after posting my forum but he kinda dragged me into it...whether he actually meant to or not. On my FB status I had mentioned that I really enjoyed watching 'Twilight' on sky movies and that I really wanted to see the sequel 'The new moon' that is coming to the cinema. I had a few comments from mutual friends and then I signed off. I then received a pop-up message saying that I had a FB message. I couldn't be bothered to log back on so had a check via my mobile phone and clear as I went onto the home page the first thing I saw was that my ex had added a link to free tickets for 'the new moon' premiere. I then looked further and he had added this link 3 times at different intervals. I thought that he must have added this link for my benefit because I had only just written on my status about how much I wanted to see it and nobody else did. It seemes an unlikely coincidence that he would do that unless he did it for me. Stupidly I didn't really think this through. I messaged him on FB chat the conversation went like this: - Me - Thanks for the new moon link Him - What new moon link I just clicked on it in mark’s gf’s profile and it took me to bloody ugg boots Has it been sent to you? Me - No don’t worry Him - Have you seen the film then? Did it redirect you to ugg boots as well Me - See my status. I saw the first one tonight. No. You have posted a link 3 times on the home page for free tickets. Him - Ah Yeah don’t click on it as it takes you to ugg boots and then clearly adds it to your own home page Me - Ah ok. I wont. Are you well? Him - I am yes. Just getting over the fourth or fifth cold this year Kids are a nightmare Me - Maybe you need a dose of vitamins if you keep getting run down Him - Most likely How are you? How’s *my son's name* and your parents? Me - I am fine. my son is great and Mum and Dad are good too. How is *His son's name* and your family? Him - *His Son* is mr chatty, all I get from him when I tell him off is “leave me I tired” Me - Lol Cheeky monkey Him - That he is And family are all ok Me - I’m glad to hear that Him - You enjoying your new job yet? ***He then gives me information on him and his hope for a promotion that he is applying for*** Me - It has its moments…I’ll stick it out because ** Changed wording but the gist is (it would be good for my career). Great news about your application. I never doubted that you wouldn’t pass it. Well done. Him - Haven’t passed it yet. The process has changed. ***He explains the promotion process*** Me - Ahh so you should find out if you can in feb? Him - Yep Me - Cool stuff[/FONT][/sIZE] He tells me more information about what work he has been doing for his promotion*** (I ask if he passes, will he remain on the borough where we both work. He says that he will not and will be off to pastures new as it would be too difficult trying to tell your friends what to do if he was promoted over them.) Him - I will be off to pastures new. ***Had to act in charge the other day *** Felt so awkward telling mates what to do. I think a new borough is the way forward. ***He hopes to move to a borough not far away More chit chat about that possible move Me - Well if you have a leaving drink, let me know and I’ll pop in and say my goodbyes to you. Him - That I will, but as I said got to get through fisrt Me - You will. Have a bot of faith. Him - Can I have a bit of faith instead Me - You know what I meant….fisrt Him - lol Me - Anyway I best sign off. Nice talking to you again. Good luck with the result. Sure you won’t need it and all the best to you, your son and the family x Him - You too. Take care and speak to you soon. x Well that cements it...we are friends/colleagues but that is it. He made no attempts to speak to me about 'us' and if he has any feelings for me so guess all hope really is gone now. I just don't understand why he would add the 'The New Moon' link. I have no idea if he has even watched it or maybe he was just nosey and was checking it out so he knew what I was speaking about on my profile. I'm bummed today. Why do I want him so much??? I have been there. you are still in the hope trap and it is horrible. You need to work more on accepting what has happen and let go COMPLETELY. He is not going to change his mind any time soon and the little chat shows he is happy being friends but he is not going to be your man. So much of what you were saying was thoughts that were in my head. I even wrote a couple of your thoughts in my 9Lives book to remind myself that I need to keep doing what i am doing which is leave him alone until I am in a better place. men are a trip. most of them always look out for number 1(themselves) YOU ARE NOT READY for this chit chatting thing with him. It is good to be cordial and all but if you still have those feelings and he doesnt have them....it is going to be a rollercoaster ride emotionally for a long ass time. I would stick to what you are doing and be careful. Keep your distance for your own well being. You dont want the same things anymore and that is why you are here now. You are making yourself suffer. If he is not in the same place you are...never wait for it. Tell yourself...NO NO NO!!! HE IS NOT COMING BACK
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