Juno Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I want to call him today just as much today as I did when we first broke up. What gives? Time has neither eased my heartache nor made me forget about him. Everyday I struggle not to make that fatal mistake of contacting him. I have not been able to focus on anyone new. I have tried, but my mind races back to our intimate moments, which were incredible. How can this suffering be so one sided? 4 months past...is it OK to call just to see how he is doing and to say "hi"?
sean1970 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 4 months past...is it OK to call just to see how he is doing and to say "hi"? It would be different if you were saying that you were fine with everything but you are not. Just look back down the mountain you have climbed and ask yourself if you want to start at the bottom again... We know it hurts, we know it hurts at the worst times. Let us help you as it is very likely he will not...
Beeotch Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I want to call him today just as much today as I did when we first broke up. What gives? Time has neither eased my heartache nor made me forget about him. Everyday I struggle not to make that fatal mistake of contacting him. I have not been able to focus on anyone new. I have tried, but my mind races back to our intimate moments, which were incredible. How can this suffering be so one sided? 4 months past...is it OK to call just to see how he is doing and to say "hi"? Did he break up with you? How was it? I personally would not....I'm sure he's fine. I'm sure it won't give you any relief. You will probably hear he is fine then feel foolish for realizing he is just fine while you are worrying and thinking of him. Now he could be pretending but the point is, you won't know if he is or isn't....you're just going to feel like crap. But I always say...if you want to, you can. Because atleast after you do it, you know for a FACT how you feel and it is more than what anyone else can tell you from their experience.
Author Juno Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Sean1970/Beeotch, I know you both are correct and I should continue to fight the urge to call. I just can't understand with the time that has lasped and me maintaining NC, I had hope I would be at a better place now...4 months down the road. Our breakup was weird. Not really sure who did the dumping. I wanted commitment and he said he didn't want to lead, so I left. He then half heartedly pursued me while he was seeing someone casually, said he was torn. I let him remain torn. Then he begged me to go on vacation with him to reconnect, but without a clear understanding of how the O/W fit into his life, I declined. While on vacation he called to say how disappointed he was that I did not travel with him and I haven't heard from him since. I held my ground I guess, but I would so luv to be with him again. Thoughts of him haunts me constantly and I am unable to find joy in anything or anyone. A true tortured soul am I.
USMCHokie Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 4 months past...is it OK to call just to see how he is doing and to say "hi"? No, it isn't. As was previously mentioned, you are still not completely ok with the breakup...and if you thought the past 4 months were bad, imagine getting to live it all over again...because that's what you'll essentially be doing... Yes, it might be nice to know that he's not thinking of you anymore and that you can be 100% sure you can move on without thoughts that he might come back...but is that how you're really going to react if you hear that...? I would probably be hurt worse than I was during the initial breakup...it's just not worth it...
Beeotch Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Sean1970/Beeotch, I know you both are correct and I should continue to fight the urge to call. I just can't understand with the time that has lasped and me maintaining NC, I had hope I would be at a better place now...4 months down the road. Our breakup was weird. Not really sure who did the dumping. I wanted commitment and he said he didn't want to lead, so I left. He then half heartedly pursued me while he was seeing someone casually, said he was torn. I let him remain torn. Then he begged me to go on vacation with him to reconnect, but without a clear understanding of how the O/W fit into his life, I declined. While on vacation he called to say how disappointed he was that I did not travel with him and I haven't heard from him since. I held my ground I guess, but I would so luv to be with him again. Thoughts of him haunts me constantly and I am unable to find joy in anything or anyone. A true tortured soul am I. In that situation there seems to be no clear cut lines.... I mean, someone has to make the first move in a reconciliation. Usually the person who is obviously in the wrong is the one who should do this...but in your situations and many others, it is way more blurred. As I said: you can try to reach out to him. The worst that can happen is that you feel bad because nothing has changed BUT the good news is that you KNOW FOR SURE and then you can from there move forward. If you want him back and all that..and you turned down his lame attempts...then maybe you can try to reestablish contact to see if things have changed and you can work on things...or you can hold your ground and realize that you will hurt, but it doesn't mean you should run to him. 4 months is not that long of a time to be completely fine. My ex and I broke up in March and up to now it still affects me. The difference now is that we're communicating again and it seems like he wants a second chance BUT 8 months later I was still upset. Not everyday, not crying or anything. That stopped after about 4 months or so...it has only been in the last 2 or 3 months where I have been doing great and feeling hopeful and talking to other men. Sooo you shouldnt feel bad for still feeling bad...it takes more time.
Pfiend101 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 If you really want him back you may as well contact him, because all you will be doing is thinking about what will happen if you do contact. So you might as well. But be prepared for the ULTIMATE letdown as I was with my ex. After a little over 2 months NC I contacted her and all the confidence I had built was shattered in a month of trying as hard as I could to get her back. I am back to 3 weeks or so NC. Staying. I deleted her # shes not on my Facebook friends. Stay NC listen to the others you are most likely not an exception to the rule. But if your deadset on trying then just do it. I had to see it for myself just like you might have to.
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