penguinluv Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Last year I met this really cool guy. We got along really well right off the bat. We laughed and had a great time because he was in half my classes. I never talked to him out of the classroom. He liked me but I didnt know it till this year. I thought he looked kinda funny. He has been my best guy friend and I didnt know how to handle it when he told me he had a thing for me. It was a big thing though. He was so depressed because he kept thinking that nothing could happen between us. I starting liking him for some reason. Now were in love. But I dont know how to act in person! I hugged him for the first time the other day. I try to avoid him in school. I dont know if its because he's not popular or what. He's decent looking. I dont know if I should go out with him. He loves me and has never done anything to hurt me. He is the sweetest guy I know. Am I being too vain? Should I not care if he's popular and cute? Should I go out with him?
Tony T Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 You say the two of you are in love....YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH THIS DUDE....and you care about what other people think??? You say he's the sweetest guy you know. I think you ought to reconsider your definition of love and even, perhaps, sit back and wait some time before you start seriously falling in love with anybody. If he had any idea you were thinking about this stuff it would devastate him. If you continue to have these reservations, let the poor guy go so he can find someone who may have the depth to love him the way he deserves.
Arabess Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Well, it's important to be 'proud' of anyone you chose as a date OR become friends with. Without that, it doesn't show much respect for the relationship or the other person. I know it's harder in school where there is such a social stigma. But if you learn to handle it now by not letting society dictate what's cool and what's not....think of what a life lesson you have already learned. You would be conquering a problem alot of adults can't even get beyond. I guess it really depends on how much you love/like him and if the relationship is worth it to you to forget all the other stuff.
Author penguinluv Posted December 12, 2003 Author Posted December 12, 2003 Tony is right. He deserves to be loved and treated the way he is to me. I just cant seem to make myself do that. I do know what I feel, though.
yes Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 somehow being in love doesn't go with avoiding him at school and only having hugged him once ... how old are you?... if you're in highschool, dating somebody not-cool is hard, people are so damn judgemental there. hm, my advice would be to stop avoiding him, try dating him, and if you feel it's not worth it, break up ... that's the most you can do - give it a chance. good luck, -yes
Author penguinluv Posted December 12, 2003 Author Posted December 12, 2003 I only hugged him because he's was my friend. I love him in a best friend type of way. I want to see if it can mature more into that . He's wondering that too.
dyermaker Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Okay, I'm going to level with you, because you like penguins so you can't be too unintelligent. This guy is NOT curious whether things are going to mature, this guy is depending on it. You don't have an obligation to go out with him, but you DO have an obligation to be honest with him. Either you make a choice to pursue a mature relationship, or you tell him that you're not interested so that he can get what he deserves.
Author penguinluv Posted December 12, 2003 Author Posted December 12, 2003 Its really hard becsuse I love him as a friend. He loves me in a way that Im not sure I can return. But I feel so bad about it.
dyermaker Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 You're changing your story because you don't like the way it made you out to be--Narcisistic and selfish. "Now were in love." That's not someone who "loves as a friend". If this guy were good looking and popular, you'd have no problem--yes? I'm not saying something's wrong with you, just that you need to be honest with yourself, and either fess up or grow up. If you truly care about this guy, you'd make it clear to him that you're not interested in a romantic relationship with him, and if he's half the guy you've made him out to be, it won't change your friend relationship. But it's not cool for him to be reserving himself like a gentleman for some gal who'll never come around.
Author penguinluv Posted December 12, 2003 Author Posted December 12, 2003 Maybe I am selfish. But I dont want to risk giving him up either way.
dyermaker Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Not only are you selfish, you are hurting him. You can't have a good friendship that's based on deceit, which is exactly what you're doing.
Author penguinluv Posted December 12, 2003 Author Posted December 12, 2003 I dont know how much better off he'd be if I didnt talk to him at all. I wouldnt like that either. I think there has to be a way to solve this so that no one gets hurt. I cant think of it right now.
dyermaker Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 I didn't say don't talk to him at all! I said let him know there's nothing romantic involved on your end, and make that clear to him so that he can pursue other people, and understand the platonic nature of your friendship.
Author penguinluv Posted December 12, 2003 Author Posted December 12, 2003 He had a girlfriend for about a month. She broke it off with him because she said he didnt pay her enough attention. I asked him why and he said he could only think of me. I want hin to be happy. I care for him a lot. I just dont want to sacrifice my happiness in the process. But thats the thing, maybe I could be happy with him.
dyermaker Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 [color=red][font=courier new]I'm putting this into a different font so that maybe it'll be easier to understand what I'm saying: Only pursue a relationship with him if you're romantically interested, and if you're not, be a good friend and tell him that it's platonic, and then you can continue to be friends. [/font][/color]
Author penguinluv Posted December 12, 2003 Author Posted December 12, 2003 As hard as that is Im going to have to do it or suffer.
Author penguinluv Posted December 12, 2003 Author Posted December 12, 2003 As hard as that will be, Im going to have to do it or watch both of us suffer.
dyermaker Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Indefinite pronoun--What do you mean by "it"--What I've been recommending all along?
Author penguinluv Posted December 12, 2003 Author Posted December 12, 2003 By it, I simply mean clarifying our relationship and hoping he can move on.
jenny Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Indefinite pronoun-- ladies, i think we have a new ryan. calling all hydra.
dyermaker Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 *doesn't get it* She's making fun of me, huh, lol. Occaisonally I get upset when things aren't written well, I'm mildly obsessive compulsive. Anyway, I thought saying that would be better than saying "I have no idea what you're talking about"--It's so cliche.
moimeme Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Jenny. Did you read the first line of his first post on his thread? If not, you really ought.
jenny Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 i'm getting off topic and this post will be deleted, but trust me, it's a compliment. occasionally, to release the tension of censorship and woe around here, the girls of the shack will gather around some hot articulate guy and amuse themselves by thinking about him. ryan was the last target. don't worry, it's all in fun. and it all gets deleted anyway. whoa whoa whoa. just took moi's advice. i retract entirely. i have no inappropriate feelings at all for someone in that age group. sorry hydra! false alarm!
dyermaker Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Oh, okay, I think I can deal with that. Before you go calling me hot though, that's John Paul Jones
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