confusedinkansas Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 So as not to threadjack on another page ........Starting a new post & VENTING: May not be the correct place to post this - but those that do bully here - I'm sure will see it. (for whatever it's worth) BEG - I'm using your quote, because its EXACTLY how I feel & have felt. (not using real screennames) so ________(fill in the blank with the one that's bullying you at the time) is all this intentional? are you trying to provide advice or just really wanting to stick it to the people involved in the affair? I'll vote for intentional & sticking it to the people. This has been & always will be an issue in LS. I'm sure that there are others here that feel the same way I do. There comes a point in people's lives where they just need to "let it go" because when you do hold on to things that have hurt youor have hurt you forever - it can make you an old angry bitter person. (although, for some, it could just be a 'BIG BAD BULLY' act here in LS & they truly aren't this way in real life) I don't know about anyone else here - but I have other issues I'd like to ask questions about/discuss - but because I know that anything I post here now will always revert back to when I cheated on my husband.....what's the point!! As if once someone has cheated all other problems always point back to that. No...I don't believe it - but it's how many here are treated. Completely unfairly. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] And you are wrong, she does NOT realize her husband wouldn't throw her under a bus...she doesn't care about what her husband is thinking. Who do these people think they are TELLING the entire forum how others think? When they have no idea even who this person is. Beyond me:rolleyes: Don't care if anyone posts beyond this & I don't think it will help matters here.... but, it makes me feel better to get this off my chest.
eeyore1981 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 There is a big, big difference between a person feeling pain and heartache as a consequence of choices that person deliberately made at the expense of others, and the pain and heartache a person feels because of deliberate choices made by others at their expense that they were not even aware of. A lot of times, this comes across as hypocritical and a double standard. If you are willing to sacrifice others for your own selfish purposes, and you end up getting burned over it, why do you expect people who have been sacrificed themselves to be kind and supportive and understanding, when you displayed none of these traits yourself? Cheating, whether you are the married person or the one who knowingly steps into someone else's marriage, creates damage that can never fully be repaired, no matter how 'sorry' the cheaters may be when it is all said and done. What is so hard to get about that?
1Angel Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I'm not sure I understand. Let me see if I have it right; you want to ask about other issues in your life but are concerned there will be unhelpful replies about blaming it all on the time the cheating happened. That's a risk to take with any message board post. Everyone can post a stick it to you reply, advice or support or combination of all of those. If you want a certain type of reply you could mention that, people may or may not abide by it though. How about take what you can use and leave the rest here?
mybrowneyedgirl Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 OP I couldnt agree more. There are some people here who seem to have a big scarlet letter syndrome. Guess what. I am well aware that what i did was wrong, i am also well aware that the pain i am feeling is a direct result of my OWN actions. I get it. Not trying to pass it off, i wasnt forced into anything. But it happened. I cannot take it back now, I can only change the future. But, that doesnt mean that I dont need some help or advice getting through this. If i post how I feel, thats how I feel. I dont need some other person interpreting this for me and telling me that it means something different. Picking out a word that i hastily typed and then make an entire assumption on my whole life based on that one word. Some people here repetitively jump on those wearing the big "A" on their chest and bash them. tell them they should be dumped, tell them they wronged another person - not being helpful at all, just beating on them. Its those people I was referring to - theyre not necessarily saying anything with any true meaning to it. It appears as if they might have their own adgenda for the words they are saying. I welcome any advice from a BS who is willing to talk to me. I am humbled that someone who knows how it feels to be hurt would be compassionate enough to take their time for the "OW." but the people who just bash with no real content to their posts are almost ridiculous. its not helping anyone. its so far out there that it gets ignored. you want me to hear what youre saying? then speak rationally, not abusively.
Cobra_X Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 So as not to threadjack on another page ........Starting a new post & VENTING: May not be the correct place to post this - but those that do bully here - I'm sure will see it. (for whatever it's worth) BEG - I'm using your quote, because its EXACTLY how I feel & have felt. (not using real screennames) I'll vote for intentional & sticking it to the people. This has been & always will be an issue in LS. I'm sure that there are others here that feel the same way I do. There comes a point in people's lives where they just need to "let it go" because when you do hold on to things that have hurt youor have hurt you forever - it can make you an old angry bitter person. (although, for some, it could just be a 'BIG BAD BULLY' act here in LS & they truly aren't this way in real life) I don't know about anyone else here - but I have other issues I'd like to ask questions about/discuss - but because I know that anything I post here now will always revert back to when I cheated on my husband.....what's the point!! As if once someone has cheated all other problems always point back to that. No...I don't believe it - but it's how many here are treated. Completely unfairly. Who do these people think they are TELLING the entire forum how others think? When they have no idea even who this person is. Beyond me:rolleyes: Don't care if anyone posts beyond this & I don't think it will help matters here.... but, it makes me feel better to get this off my chest. I understand why your upset, but I think your missing something. These people have been emotionally abused by someone who they loved, someone they trusted with their hopes, dreams, and future. When you post here, you represent that person... so it's only natural that you would be received with some anger. Now, what determines the outcome is how you respond. Do you respond with hate and bitterness? Or do you reach out with compassion and understanding? I've been around this board for a long time, and I can tell you that the better people respond with big hearts.... not defensiveness.
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Now, what determines the outcome is how you respond. Do you respond with hate and bitterness? Or do you reach out with compassion and understanding? This is completely true and very well said. Who do these people think they are TELLING the entire forum how others think? When they have no idea even who this person is. Beyond me The thing is, it's a public forum and all sorts of people can reply. Sometimes it's not a BS or an OW/OM who replies, could be anyone. And yes, people do come here with (emotional) baggage, can react and say things they wouldn't normally say.. And with that said, a general question .. Do you (general you) feel that if you walked into a room with 200 people, grabbed a microphone and talked about being an OW/OM, told your story, that would you get the same sort of responses and reacts? Some will understand, be supportive, some won't, some will be offended or disguisted. Unfortunately in this world, in ANY situation, people judge other people. We all do it in some form, maybe without even realizing it..But when it comes to affairs, it brings out ALOT of emotion, passion and pain in many folks and they are reacting to their own situation in their lives. The best thing to do is either ignore it completely and continue on posting or use the alert us function so the mods can edit or delete the post, depending on how they see fit.
mybrowneyedgirl Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 i understand, accept and welcome the emotion. its the few random people out there who's posts have no value or meaning. its just hateful jabs at the OP.
Cobra_X Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 This is completely true and very well said. The thing is, it's a public forum and all sorts of people can reply. Sometimes it's not a BS or an OW/OM who replies, could be anyone. And yes, people do come here with (emotional) baggage, can react and say things they wouldn't normally say.. And with that said, a general question .. Do you (general you) feel that if you walked into a room with 200 people, grabbed a microphone and talked about being an OW/OM, told your story, that would you get the same sort of responses and reacts? Some will understand, be supportive, some won't, some will be offended or disguisted. Unfortunately in this world, in ANY situation, people judge other people. We all do it in some form, maybe without even realizing it..But when it comes to affairs, it brings out ALOT of emotion, passion and pain in many folks and they are reacting to their own situation in their lives. The best thing to do is either ignore it completely and continue on posting or use the alert us function so the mods can edit or delete the post, depending on how they see fit. WWIP, Thank you! You have helped so many people here, that it means more when you say it.
Cobra_X Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 i understand, accept and welcome the emotion. its the few random people out there who's posts have no value or meaning. its just hateful jabs at the OP. Why do they do that?
Author confusedinkansas Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 i understand, accept and welcome the emotion. its the few random people out there who's posts have no value or meaning. its just hateful jabs at the OP. That is exactly what it is. Do you (general you) feel that if you walked into a room with 200 people, grabbed a microphone and talked about being an OW/OM, told your story, that would you get the same sort of responses and reacts? How would we get objective opinions if everyone was in agreement. (it's what makes the world go around - our diversity) I know what I did was wrong. Have never stated otherwise. I just think that if you have something objective, helpful, insiteful, to add - then add it - but if all you have to say is the whole Hateful Attitude thing - then what's the point? I'm not the one that wronged you. (or anyone else that has cheated) Your spouse or significant other did. Some of the comments that are made here, as if they know you, they know your heart - THEY take it upon themselves to let the entire board know how it is YOU feel. That your spouse is weak for taking you back. That they should dump your sorry @ss...on the spot. Well, real life isn't about that. I guess my original post is - It doesn't mean that every other issue in mine - or anyone elses - lives isn't of value. It doesn't mean that every problem hereafter has anything to do with OUR infidelity. So we are destined to be bashed no matter what we have to contribute. Because we are the ones that wear the proverbial Scarlet A. In otherwords...........If I have anything else to "ask" advice about - I suppose I would need to find another forum online....
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I don't think it will help matters here.... but, it makes me feel better to get this off my chest. I think you may have answered your own question CIK.
NOTSURE7 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 hi all, its been awhile but i found this post to be interesting... As you know i was a favorite villian of many for awhile on here but through it all i got some great advice,so i guess the good comes with the bad. When you post on a board you have to expect that you are throwing your problems out there for anyone to answer so realistically you have to be prepared,yes you come to a place like ls and you hope that everyone will be positive and helpful and not hurtful towards you but in reality you know whats coming,especially when you have been honest in your posts and wear your heart out on your sleeve.. I fond that the people here who are rude and not supportive and they know who they are,these are the people who have been hurt and you know what they say,people that like to hurt others are the ones that are hurt themselves,so its pretty clear why they choose to berate and insult,its because they look at you as the one that hurt them, they cant remove themselves from the situation and speak objectively because they have been so scarred, the reality is they shouldnt really even be on here giving advice because its not really advice when its one sided ,hurtful and given only to help themselves vent from the hurt they have suffered. My take is that if you cant help someone or contribute to the conversations with something constructive then why even post,step back and find another topic that wont be so hard for you.. there are good people on here,many of those good people themselves had an Affair and they need help,they want to hear from people on both sides of the fence who have gone through the affair and the aftermath,thats what this forum needs to be about... people can and do change, i know this first hand...sometimes they need guidance and help and ls is a great source of that when the right people who can be objective take their valuable time and help you...
Cobra_X Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 That is exactly what it is. How would we get objective opinions if everyone was in agreement. (it's what makes the world go around - our diversity) And the longer I am here... di-verse it gets... right? I know what I did was wrong. Have never stated otherwise. I just think that if you have something objective, helpful, insiteful, to add - then add it - but if all you have to say is the whole Hateful Attitude thing - then what's the point? I'm not the one that wronged you. (or anyone else that has cheated) Your spouse or significant other did. There are two sides to that story. Yes, those people are wrong in being mean to you. If your not mean back... they either go away... or suddenly become nicer. See the key is to make them see you as a person... and not as the representative of someone who abused them terribly. Some of the comments that are made here, as if they know you, they know your heart - THEY take it upon themselves to let the entire board know how it is YOU feel. That your spouse is weak for taking you back. That they should dump your sorry @ss...on the spot. Well, real life isn't about that. I'm sorry that happened to you here. You don't seem like someone who would deserve that. I guess my original post is - It doesn't mean that every other issue in mine - or anyone elses - lives isn't of value. It doesn't mean that every problem hereafter has anything to do with OUR infidelity. So we are destined to be bashed no matter what we have to contribute. Because we are the ones that wear the proverbial Scarlet A. In otherwords...........If I have anything else to "ask" advice about - I suppose I would need to find another forum online.... You should post without fear. So what if someone says something mean... there will be many others that try their best to be helpful. Never make choices out of fear... those are usually the worst choices we make in life.
schewter Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I find it is becoming predictable on here...or maybe it has been for a while. I read a post from a WS and know the usual suspects will be along shortly to make them feel worse than they already do. I read a post about an EA and wait for the cynics to "bet their bottom dollar" it went PA. I read a post from a BS and wait for the "you're better off without 'em" chorus to begin. Too many on here seem to think their story is relevant to everybody else's.
Author confusedinkansas Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 Thanks to everyone that posted - I honestly didn't think anyone would say anything because this subject has been beaten to death. I know it won't go away - I guess I'm just hoping that those that are the bully bashers here will read (And you know who you are - I notice none of them have chimed in.....interesting) & realize that their words are hurtful & not helpful. As for hearing the BSs side of the story - I know that many here have gone thru & are going thru a great deal of pain. Venting helps. But there is a line there that many cross. From venting to ATTACKING. I'm sure that at some point after my affair, my husband felt some of those feelings posted here. But he is not THAT GUY that is shaking his fist at the universe & saying "I will carry this to my grave & will never let you forget it!!!" or "Gee, this is horrible what happened & I'm going to crawl under a rock & feel sorry for myself for the rest of my life" He is a POSITIVE guy - Time marches on. We can't stop it. Personally, I enjoy this site & have gained a great deal of insite on several topics since I have joined. Those that are helpful..........KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!
Cobra_X Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Thanks to everyone that posted - I honestly didn't think anyone would say anything because this subject has been beaten to death. I know it won't go away - I guess I'm just hoping that those that are the bully bashers here will read (And you know who you are - I notice none of them have chimed in.....interesting) & realize that their words are hurtful & not helpful. As for hearing the BSs side of the story - I know that many here have gone thru & are going thru a great deal of pain. Venting helps. But there is a line there that many cross. From venting to ATTACKING. I'm sure that at some point after my affair, my husband felt some of those feelings posted here. But he is not THAT GUY that is shaking his fist at the universe & saying "I will carry this to my grave & will never let you forget it!!!" or "Gee, this is horrible what happened & I'm going to crawl under a rock & feel sorry for myself for the rest of my life" He is a POSITIVE guy - Time marches on. We can't stop it. Personally, I enjoy this site & have gained a great deal of insite on several topics since I have joined. Those that are helpful..........KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!! Characterizing other posters as angry miscreants is not the answer. In fact it's part of the problem. If you can't ignore their bad posts, or respond in kindness.... You can't really say your any better than they are. Which is sad, because I think you are a bigger person. So show it. I'm glad things have gone well for you and your husband.
Author confusedinkansas Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 Cobra - for the most part I do ignore posts &/or take what information from them that can benefit my situation. But there have been times that I have found myself getting caught up in "Defending" myself & my actions or my husband for that matter. Which shouldn't have to be the case here - but It happens. I don't believe that anyone here is better or worse than the next guy. We are all equal human beings attempting to work out our issues.
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