So I'm going through one of these dark stages again and I need support

[Louise02]

A few months ago some very kind people helped me with some issues I was having with my boyfriend, well, mainly issues with me. I was unsure whether I still loved him and I have learnt that love grows and changes.

 

I have been fine and had exams and uni etc to distract me but now that it's all over and I find that I am not doing much during the day, I am feeling suffocated by him once again. This is strange given that I only see him twice a week! I also seem addicted to contacting him throughout the day so it's like i bring it on myself!

 

I desperately miss feeling that euphoria I once felt about him. The highs and lows of emotion towards him hurt me especially when he is so in love with me. I know that it is a problem rooted in me but I refuse to accept that I'm not ready for a long term relationship given that I hated the dating game.

 

I am still attracted to him but my sex drive has been seriously lacking. I have also had recurrent dreams about cheating on him. These are the worst because cheating is something I would never do. I haven't met anyone who would seriously tempt me since we started going out! Yet I feel like I am betraying him!

 

We are so good together and he is so perfect. Somehow I think my problem lies in the fact that he and study have been my life for the past 2 years. I'm not working at the moment and my friends are by and large MIA so my social life is pretty dead.

 

I don't want to leave him. I don't want to fall out of love with him but I often finding myself wondering why I feel this way. I'm petrified of waking up and realising that I will have to walk away from him. That is the last thing I want.

 

Sorry about the rambling rant but I just upset. Anyone felt like I do?Thanks for listening

[Ronni_W]

Hugs, Louise.

Is it possible that what you're missing is more a sense of meaning/purpose, and/or that you're lacking focus and direction?

 

If so, it may help to set some short-term goals -- learning how to make sushi, play bridge, or paint with oil...or watercolours, as examples. Something that will be both fun and challenging.

Volunteering can also help to get us "out of our own head" as well as bring a very clear sense of how important and valuable we are, help us connect with our own power to make a real difference, etc.

 

It also could be that this relationship has just run its course, for you. If it isn't inspiring you to play, laugh and grow...then it just isn't. That does happen, where one person simply outgrows a relationship, and it becomes stifling and feels soul-destroying.

 

The question really, is: What do YOU need to think, say and do in order to feel inspired again? And then try to assess whether your b/f and this relationship can adequately encourage and support you. He can't be faulted/blamed if he cannot or will not -- he does have his own limitations, needs, goals, etc. But neither can you be faulted/blamed for having your specific needs for play, growth and laughter, or for doing your best to meet them, with or without him.

 

Best of luck. These are tough decisions to be facing.

[A O]

I am feeling suffocated by him once again.

This is your natural state of being towards him. There's no way around this no matter what you do.

 

This is strange given that I only see him twice a week! I also seem addicted to contacting him throughout the day so it's like i bring it on myself!

Why are you addicted....my experienced guess is that you're simply bored, so you're not addicted to him as much as you need relief from your boredom.

 

I desperately miss feeling that euphoria I once felt about him.

Was that the feeling he gave you or the feeling for him? In other words, do you love/like the person or what the person does for you, how the person makes you feel? In short, you need to love/like the person for whom they are and not for what they can do for you or make you feel.

 

I know that it is a problem rooted in me but I refuse to accept that I'm not ready for a long term relationship given that I hated the dating game.

The problem appears to be that you're compromising on what you really want because you're either too scared or too lazy to go after it. Your man is a safe, convenient option.

 

I am still attracted to him but my sex drive has been seriously lacking. I have also had recurrent dreams about cheating on him. These are the worst because cheating is something I would never do. I haven't met anyone who would seriously tempt me since we started going out! Yet I feel like I am betraying him!

You'd be surprised with how many people in your situation cross that line. All it takes is the right person to come along.

 

We are so good together and he is so perfect.

Can't be if you feel suffocated by him.

 

I don't want to fall out of love with him but I often finding myself wondering why I feel this way.

You're already not in love with him - that's why you feel this way. You simply refuse to accept this fact at the moment, and you do this simply because the options open to you (leaving, dating again) scare you more than being in this loveless relationship.

 

I'm petrified of waking up and realising that I will have to walk away from him. That is the last thing I want.

But it is the correct thing to do.

 

Sorry about the rambling rant but I just upset. Anyone felt like I do?Thanks for listening

Yes, I've come across your exact situation before. There's only one option and in your heart of hearts - and you know it.

 

.

[woopster638]

i think you should cut off all contact with this guy........and live your life and in time,you will forget about him,take some time to know and appreciate yourself before getting into the dating game or else you might mostly find yourself comparing new guys to your ex lover and either mislead or disappoint them,trust me as i was recently one of these guys lol

 

but point is.....forget and forgive and wateva blah blah blah