blindedbythelight Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 hi newbie here (: I would really love some insight from all the fantastic feedback ive read on this sight. I ahve been with my man for 5 years. I have an 11 year old son from previous r'ship and a 10 month old bub with my man. Since our baby was born our sex life has gone from whoah to no. Heck, I am a new mum (again, lol) and I work full-time to support the family. My man stopped working to take care of the kids and house so I didnt have to do a thing except start my career. He did a fantastic job and I never had to worry about a thing! So, anyway, sex has really been the last thing on my mind. Even if the mind was willing, the body just wanted to go to sleep. lol. My man was using internet porn, magazines and porn movies to . He never really spoke to me about it, but i knew and I wasnt that bothered by it. However, one night while i was using the internet, i typed in a user name for one of my accounts and a sexy user name came up. I did a history check and a sex dating site came up. Okay, my spidey senses started tingling. I did a naughty thing and checked his email and lo and behold he is emailing a russian woman (we live in australia). He's telling her he wants her to be his girlfriend and she can come and live with him (huh?, do we put her in the baby's room?). My question is - Is he for real? What do i do? How could he be so &^%$*( stupid???
hopesndreams Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 He could just be bored coz he's home all day. He should be working and bringing home the bacon and not some russian girl.
EmmaLou Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 That's so random... A woman so far away, and he's saying she can come and live with him? If he wanted some sex on the side, surely he would just meet up with someone nearby.. or just have some sex chat with this russian. Did you see any earlier emails from her? Print out the emails and confront him... see how he reacts.. Snooping isn't naughty, you had good reason to check things out.
Thornton Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 At least you know he hasn't been cheating physically, which gives you a better chance of getting over this. He's almost certainly been having an emotional affair with this Russian woman though. You need to insist that he ceases all contact with her; perhaps watch him while he writes (and sends) an email saying he has a gf and a child who live with him, just so this woman gets the message and leaves him alone. Then you need to work on whatever is lacking in your relationship that's made him look elsewhere. Perhaps some couples counselling would help?
Krytie TV Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Yeah, there's a definite possibility he's simply doing this for entertainment. I could see myself doing something like that for fun if I was home all day without any intent of doing anything, and I'm no cheater. It's mean and all, but you know... not sure how much he is intending to cheat. Has he been otherwise faithful?
Author blindedbythelight Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 hi, thanks for the replies. he messed himself when i confronted him and showed him the emails. He had already closed the account at the site, but the russian got his email earlier. He said he was just so bored at home all day and it was stupid and that he did it for a laugh. Im still a bit cut. But, hes gotten a job now so no more boredom for him! Should i just get over it? lol
Lizzie60 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Methink you need to give him more sex.. period.. He already checked outside.. he might not have done anything physical YET.. but trust me.. it's coming.. (no pun intended).. The boredom could play a part.. but the sexless part is the real reason.. ;)
Javelin Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 (edited) While sex shouldn't be the main factor in a relationship, you cannot deny your partner's needs and expect to not have any sort of consequences. Yes, we all know that his actions are wrong, but you also are to blame in this situation. You knew that the sexual intimacy was lacking and you also knew that he was needy of you, but you chose to ignore it. In my opinion fatigue is hardly an excuse for not being a good partner in that department. I think that you should take a step back and just put yourself in his shoes and see how you would feel without it - because he was always tired. Methink you need to give him more sex.. period.. I'm thinkin' this too. Edited November 17, 2009 by Javelin
ADF Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Honestly? If I were your man, I'd dump your ass just for disrespecting my privacy. If you were suspicious enough to snoop, you should have had the guts to confront him.
Author blindedbythelight Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 yes...more sex is the answer...but i think ive grown cobwebs! any1 have any female viagra lolol
Bejita463 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 yes...more sex is the answer...but i think ive grown cobwebs! any1 have any female viagra lolol The realization that sex helps with headaches, perhaps. Migraines too, incidentally.
Author blindedbythelight Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 hmmm...no, no headaches per se. i think i need to start small and do phone sex with him while he is at work...hmmm now that sounds pretty good..
Author blindedbythelight Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 ADF, thats pretty brutal. I did confront him. I would expect him to be pissed at me if i was on sex dating sites with a profile as well and replying to another man about how much i liked them. Even if it was just for fun and done out of boredom. The air had to be cleared because we had hit a rough patch and even "fun" stuff like sex chat with other women has a pretty big impact at the moment because of the circumstances.
Javelin Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 hmmm...no, no headaches per se. i think i need to start small and do phone sex with him while he is at work...hmmm now that sounds pretty good.. You're on the right track! Just remember, You don't have to try and have full blown sex right now, but you will need to work up to it eventually. You have to restore the spark with him, but keep him involved as well and have him do some of the work too! Let me add, this is for you too. Intimacy should be fun for both parties. Basically, if you're uninvolved it won't work and you'll be right back at square one.
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