LostIntheMallaise Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I don't know if anyone remembers me from a couple of weeks ago or not. If you do remember me, then you might be interested to know that I just ended it with MW. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I love her so much. It got to the point where I hated being OM. It made me crazy to think about it. I couldn't take how I felt when she had to hang up on me because H suddenly came home or one of her kids walked in the room. I couldn't take the guilt of knowing that if she ever did leave H for me, I would be destroying her family beyond repair. I know in my brain why I did it, but my heart is broken. I could really use some kind words.
Brokenlady Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I'm sorry for your pain. She wasn't willing to make a choice, so you had to to save yourself. Maybe this will spur her into action, but if not, it sounds like she's going to lose a whole lot more than you. You have everything to gain by claiming your life back.
White Flower Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Big hugs. Sounds like you really loved her. Hope your pain dissipates quickly.
MizFit Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 None of this is easy...my MM got caught last week Wednesday and it's heartbreaking not having him around. I know he's done the right thing by going back and giving it his all to fix...I told him that months ago, but he wasn't ready to. The pain isn't any less...someone I love is out of my life and I need to grieve, just like you do. Well done to have the courage to let her do the right thing. At the end of the day that is her responsibility...yours is to heal now. Keep in touch with the forums and rely on the strength you gain from others experiences.
learnfrommymistakes Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I don't know if anyone remembers me from a couple of weeks ago or not. If you do remember me, then you might be interested to know that I just ended it with MW. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I love her so much. It got to the point where I hated being OM. It made me crazy to think about it. I couldn't take how I felt when she had to hang up on me because H suddenly came home or one of her kids walked in the room. I couldn't take the guilt of knowing that if she ever did leave H for me, I would be destroying her family beyond repair. I know in my brain why I did it, but my heart is broken. I could really use some kind words. You did the right thing, no matter how painful. GOod for you. Stick to your guns and dont waffle or go back, she may beg, ask, real you in, but stay strong. Affairs can pull at the heartstrings and can lead to a lot of pain, and you cutting it off is best for everyone. I know the pain you feel and can empathise, and say (((HUGS FOR YOU))). Most relationships end, whether they are honable or dishonable, this is the hard, cold truth. No matter how much you loved her, try to possibly think that you ended something unhealthy and that was not living up to your standards for yourself, for how you wanted to live, and be treated. It is hard to do this, love or feelings are real, but you will hopefully look back and know it was the right thinng. If her marriage ends on its own, thts one thing, but you have to look out for you, and live by a code of conduct you deem positive and healthy. It seems like you knew what you had to do, and you did it. GOOD for you. I hope the days get easier and easier. lfmm
Jacky Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Best of luck to you, I am going through a similar situation and I can see the end and NC coming quite soon. It has been difficult not to speak to her for even just a few days for me and I am assuming is the same for you. Good luck and hope you will get through it.
Author LostIntheMallaise Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Thank you all for the kind words. I slept better than I thought I would last night. We talked again after I posted this and she tried all the things mentioned here. She begged, she tried to make me feel guilty, she tried to get me to give her some sign of hope. I told her that, while yes I did love her, our relationship wasn't actually real. I told her I couldn't deal with walking around being a big lie, to her family, to my family. It was gut wrenching. When I woke up this morning, I felt all of what she wanted me to feel last night. I felt guilty, and that my words were meaningless. Coming here this morning has given me hope. Thank you guys so much for re-affirming my choice, no matter how difficult it is.
Brokenlady Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 It might be good to avoid her for awhile. Those conversations can be wrenching and you don't need her derailing the path you've set upon. I've been there too.
Author LostIntheMallaise Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 It might be good to avoid her for awhile. Those conversations can be wrenching and you don't need her derailing the path you've set upon. I've been there too. That's good advice. I think I'll take it.
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Stay strong and remember that you are worthy and deserve the love with someone who can love you fully..Not just on stolen moments on her time frame. Do the NC, grieve and being your healing process. Take one day at a time.. Talk to your friends, keep busy, be around who truly care about you.
let'shaveitright Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 great advice whichwayisup. lostinthemallaise - I'm on day 7 of Nc and although he resorted to nasty texts and loads and loads of phone calls in order to get a reaction I learnt that I can't save him from his pain, my job is to take care of myself. I know it hurts but a day at a time we can learn to live in the pain and also grow, you will heal in time. Do loving things for yourself, congratulate yourself for taking a stand and most importantly forgive yourself for falling in love - we are human its what we do! x
Author LostIntheMallaise Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 great advice whichwayisup. lostinthemallaise - I'm on day 7 of Nc and although he resorted to nasty texts and loads and loads of phone calls in order to get a reaction I learnt that I can't save him from his pain, my job is to take care of myself. I know it hurts but a day at a time we can learn to live in the pain and also grow, you will heal in time. Do loving things for yourself, congratulate yourself for taking a stand and most importantly forgive yourself for falling in love - we are human its what we do! x I think you hit the nail on the head. Right now I feel like I'm responsible for her pain. I've gotten in a habit of being her "go to guy" when she's hurting and it's sort of how I identified myself in the relationship. What makes it so hard is that now I'm actually being responsible by being selfish. It seems strange. Thank you for such good advice. Also keeping busy is something I'll be doing a lot over the next couple of days. Has anyone ever seen a counselor/priest at the end of an affair?
phoenixrising Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Lost, you are - most definitely - doing the right thing for yourself, and for her. It took me 4 years to risk losing my xMM by taking action based on what I needed and deserved, and it was the most difficult thing I've ever done. It's been about a year for me, but I know now that it WAS the only healthy action I could take. It gets worse and worse, the longer you let it go, if you try to maintain limited contact or become friends (unless, of course, feelings are only "friend" feelings on both sides, which they are obviously not). You will have the ups, downs, and strong desire to turn to her at times, but I encourage you to resist until you get through to the point where you start recognizing that the decision was the right one and can be strong on your own. Our thoughts are with you. Again, the posters are right - NC is the only way. I went against this, prolonged the hurt with LC, and an even bigger emotional scar was created in the process that has hurt both of us in a way I could not have predicted.
fooled once Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Sorry you are hurting, but you do deserve better. Time will lessen the hurt.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I don't know if anyone remembers me from a couple of weeks ago or not. If you do remember me, then you might be interested to know that I just ended it with MW. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I love her so much. It got to the point where I hated being OM. It made me crazy to think about it. I couldn't take how I felt when she had to hang up on me because H suddenly came home or one of her kids walked in the room. I couldn't take the guilt of knowing that if she ever did leave H for me, I would be destroying her family beyond repair. I know in my brain why I did it, but my heart is broken. I could really use some kind words. you did the right thing. if you were to have stayed and she did leave her H, all you'd be getting is a cheater that would do it to you when the boredom of being with the same man for an extended period of time set in. she cheated with you, she will cheat on you, its just a matter of time. ya ya, I know..it wasn't like that...it was love...it was excitement..blah blah blah...of course it was. Of course she probably seemed perfect and exciting......she didn't have the baggage of marriage and family life with you that she had with husband. That and you are new. and if you stay with her, the newness will wear off and she'll be wanting the excitement again. best to ditch her and find someone trustworthy.
KikiW Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Just think, by shedding yourself of this unhealthy relationship, you will grow to a point where that very special person will walk into your life and you won't be too distracted to see it.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 oh wait, i just read your original story....I am under the assumption that you cheated on your wife with this woman and then divorced her? geez:rolleyes:
Recommended Posts