crocky46 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I'm currently in my freshman year of college and have a girlfriend who is also in college about two hours away. We have dated for two years and I love her immensely and I know she loves me a lot too. We both promised to be faithful to each other in college and take it easy when we're around alcohol without each other. We are both the jealous type. Right before school my girl made me promise that I wouldn't hang out in other girls' rooms or allow girls into my room. A few weeks ago I told my girlfriend that I used the elliptical at the recreational center next to a girl that we both know and who I am friendly with. My girlfriend doesn't like her very much and got really upset that I exercised next to her. On another occasion my girlfriend got really upset when I had to walk to a nearby neighborhood with another girl for a tutoring program in the inner city that I am a member of. However, most of my girlfriend's friends are male. She hangs out with two or three guys a lot. She goes to concerts with them, went into a nearby city with them, etc. She even does statistics homework with them in their room. (They're roommates). I don't think she would ever go for them but I feel that the relationship is one-sided. My girlfriend would be furious if I had the same kind of relationship with other girls. I am also worried that she doesn't notice their advances (if any) or if they could interpret her behavior as flirtatious. (Last weekend I felt that one guy was somewhat flirtatious with her and she blurted out something like "not to be sexual" or anything to him as a joke, but not a big deal). Not to be cocky but I am more attractive then they are but I still feel uneasy about the bias in the relationship. It doesn't help that I have been on an antidepressent for most of the time we have been dating due to an anxiety disorder that runs in my family. The medication makes my erection somewhat smaller and less hard, as well as taking away some of my sex drive. This makes me feel less confident although my girl says that she likes the sex a lot and has no complaints. Sorry for the long message. Do I have any justification for being upset? Am I overreacting and what should I do?
Devil Inside Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Oh man. My high school sweetheart and I went to different schools. It was really hard. Are you being jealous...yeah. Is it justified...maybe. My young brother...some words of wisdom...this is gonna be a very hard relationship. You are not even through the first semester and you are already fighting over this kind of stuff. For most, college is a time to explore dating and one's sexuality. Having a long distance girlfriend is going to be so hard. Not impossible...but hard, and you will miss out on a lot. Good luck. I feel for you. BTW...my GF broke up with me before school even started. We got back together after Christmas break, and broke up again later. I loved her alot...we were even engaged. Looking back, I sacrificed too much for young love. I chose to go to UCLA instead of Berkeley for her...something I really regret.
Author crocky46 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 its all just really confusing. i dont know if i should confront her
Person012345 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I'd say she's being too jealous. If she gets pissed when you talk to a girl, that's not good. She is being hypocritical and that would annoy me too. Talk to her. Tell her what you're feeling. If she doesn't like it it is her problem and you'd have to decide whether you want to live with it for the rest of the relationship. Also, whether both of you can handle the jealousy. It might break the relationship if just ignored.
VeveCakes Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 She was jealous because you were exercising beside someone? Major insecurities there. She needs to deal with that before it gets worse. Sometimes people are insanely jealous because they have something to hide... As for the double standards...totally unfair and will breed resentment and drive a wedge between you two. You need to try and build some trust between you two. Doesn't sound like there is much there.
ann09 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Just posting as someone much older than you - these are the years to enjoy yourself! I am not saying to break up with her - but you have the rest of your life for all that stuff. Enjoy college! You will never get those years back! As for you being too jealous? Yeah maybe a little. But she's way over the top jealous. If you trust eachother you both need to relax. So other guys may hit on her - so what? If you trust her and she loves you, she won't cheat on you.
Author crocky46 Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 Ive told her my concerns about a double standard and she seems to understand but that doesnt stop her from doing things I would never be allowed to do. Like right now she has a thread with her guy friends on facebook about all taking a gym class together next semester, which I find ironic because she didn't want me to exercise with a girl I know next to me ONCE. Now shes going to exercise with her friends for half a year
VeveCakes Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Talk to her. Point this out. If you two can't agree on mutual boundaries your relationship is not going to make it.
Maggs Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Ive told her my concerns about a double standard and she seems to understand but that doesnt stop her from doing things I would never be allowed to do. Like right now she has a thread with her guy friends on facebook about all taking a gym class together next semester, which I find ironic because she didn't want me to exercise with a girl I know next to me ONCE. Now shes going to exercise with her friends for half a year Well point this out to her then. Ask her why she can do it and not you! She's horribly jealous and it will not get better. She will be controlling every little aspect of your life by the end of it if she can. Or that appears to be where she's heading. What happens when you graduate and your co-workers are female or your boss is? Are you expecting to only apply to places of work with men only. And men only clientele!? She needs to sort herself out.
Mayosh53 Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I'm currently in my freshman year of college and have a girlfriend who is also in college about two hours away. We have dated for two years and I love her immensely and I know she loves me a lot too. We both promised to be faithful to each other in college and take it easy when we're around alcohol without each other. We are both the jealous type. Right before school my girl made me promise that I wouldn't hang out in other girls' rooms or allow girls into my room. A few weeks ago I told my girlfriend that I used the elliptical at the recreational center next to a girl that we both know and who I am friendly with. My girlfriend doesn't like her very much and got really upset that I exercised next to her. On another occasion my girlfriend got really upset when I had to walk to a nearby neighborhood with another girl for a tutoring program in the inner city that I am a member of. However, most of my girlfriend's friends are male. She hangs out with two or three guys a lot. She goes to concerts with them, went into a nearby city with them, etc. She even does statistics homework with them in their room. (They're roommates). I don't think she would ever go for them but I feel that the relationship is one-sided. My girlfriend would be furious if I had the same kind of relationship with other girls. I am also worried that she doesn't notice their advances (if any) or if they could interpret her behavior as flirtatious. (Last weekend I felt that one guy was somewhat flirtatious with her and she blurted out something like "not to be sexual" or anything to him as a joke, but not a big deal). Not to be cocky but I am more attractive then they are but I still feel uneasy about the bias in the relationship. It doesn't help that I have been on an antidepressent for most of the time we have been dating due to an anxiety disorder that runs in my family. The medication makes my erection somewhat smaller and less hard, as well as taking away some of my sex drive. This makes me feel less confident although my girl says that she likes the sex a lot and has no complaints. Sorry for the long message. Do I have any justification for being upset? Am I overreacting and what should I do? heyzz first of all i noticed that ur girl has male friends !! i think that is selfish and really unfair. believe me the first thing u have both talk about it is TRUST!! u have to trust each other to leave space for freedom. My BF is really jealous but becoz our relationship built on trust he doesnt make it bigger or remains angry so long. therefore, i started to knw how to deal wit this type. so you have to talk honestly with ur girl about these matters and be clear. both have to say his points and his opinions about the right and wrong things. ur relationship seems fine , and i hope u guys to get over these matters, i wont call them problems unless u solve them earlier. put in ur mind ur cant change ur jealous either her , but u have to knw how to deal wit it !
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