JL911 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 My ex has been trying to communicate with me since mid October. Im guessing the guy she broke up with me for did not work out how she had planned. Majority of her attempts are via email and cowardly and guilt ridden. As most of you know I have since started dating another girl and have been quite happy. Despite my greatest efforts to maintain no contact I finally caved on the last email I recieved. However my response was probaly not what she had expected. Email read something like this. JL, I just want you to know that I have made possibly the biggest mistake ever in breaking things off with you. I never realized how much time you made for me, or how much you have done for me until you were gone for good. I think about you often and keep wondering how you are doing. I have gone through a lot of changes in my life and things are no better with you gone. I miss you. I wish there was someway I could change things and go back in time to when we were happy. I really wish I could hear from you. My response: For lack of better judgement I have decided to respond to this email to try to put all of this to a close. I am very glad you realized what a fantastic guy I am and realized how wrong you were in breaking up with me. Its all in the past now and I feel each of us has learned a significant lesson from this. However, there is no way of going back in time to when we were happy, and I am still very happy with who I am. For over 3 years I always did the best I could for you, and for whatever reason at some point that was no longer good enough. At one point I can say I loved you, but that is no longer the case, what was there is now gone. We cant change things, and I feel continuing to converse will simply be unfair to those we date since we have such a history together. There is no use placing anymore blame on who did what or tryin to see how and why things ended. But they did end, there is no going back, and you need to know that I dont have any plans on continuing conversations or replying to anymore of your emails. Im sorry, but you broke a trust that I easily dont give, and I do not want you in my life and you need to accept that. Im sorry to say that I now agree with you that this all was for the best. -JL I hope she leaves me alone...and hope this was the best approach..
Ms. Joolie Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Yeah, if I got that there would be no doubt it's over and there's no chance. Good for you. You did her a favor. She will learn from it. And the world keeps turning.
whichwayisup Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 That was a very honest and heartfelt reply..Respecful and truthful. I really hope that she respects your wishes, leaves you alone. Are you willing to block her email address? Might be a good idea to do, that way you won't read any emails she may send you.
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 WOW JL! You are my hero. I am very proud of you.
angelface78 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 JL WOW.....You are so strong and brave!! My hats off to you. You should be very proud of yourself. You gave the best and now its her loss. Keep going w your new relationship.
Author JL911 Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 I am no hero...When it all happened, I thought for a moment that the world was over and there was no way out...It hurt terribly...I eventually accepted things and just kinda moved on with life and started to see her for what she really was to me, very needy, and demanding. I almost gave up everything in my life for her, and when I resisted ruining my life for her, she dropped me. Shes a selfish person and had no respect for me...I continually stood my ground and she wanted someone she could walk all over... I never expected to move on like I did, but in time I did meet someone who I actually truly care for...She actually has interests of her own and friends to hang out with. She requires so little of me but appreciates what I do more than anyone else I have ever been with....Its nice...
Template Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 DUUUUUDE! YOU are my HERO! Although my ex is the type of person who would never admit her wrong doing, and apologize to me, I do fantasize that she did, so that I could have the opportunity to accomplish what you've done. <BOW> Bravo my friend... BRAVO!! <BOW>
rp123 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Its my dream to reach that kind of stage... How brilliant for you. I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that email. Imagine the analysis....!! So pleased for you. Not 0000000.1% of doubt in your mind?
Confused728 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 how long did it take from the time of ur break up till you got that email from her? i hope i get one like that from my ex someday, i been on six weeks nc and got 4 text from him but nothing saying he made a mistake! i would love to be in your postion somday!
LovelyDaze Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 You are my hero. That's it and that's all.
stillafool Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 You are incredible! She will never, ever forget you.
Eisenhower Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Wow, that's the e-mail (hers) that I think 99% of us on here fantasize about getting from our ex. Honestly, I don't know how I'd respond if that happened to me ... but the I think the way you responded shows that you truly are over it and done with her. Congratulations. Eisenhower
Author JL911 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 To be honest it was probaly a good few months of agonizing over things...blaming myself, blaming her, binge drinking, feeling sorry for myself, ect....I broke NC after a week...tried to think of ways to get her back and hit rock bottom calling her almost begging for another chance...That was the last day I spoke to her...I vowed after that day to erase her and all feelings for her...I entered therapy and VENTED hard for 2 months till I got sick of hearing myself complain... She emailed me on my birthday...I figured she would make some sort of half assed attempt to contact me and stirr up feelings...I did not respond...Few days later another checking to see how my birthday went and how things were...I did not respond...Then a text to see if I changed my number... Few weeks went by then got this one....I finally caved as I do not want to think of her showing up at my door to meet my new gf and just really wanted to avoid any confrontation or problems this may occur in my relationship. This is my attempt to nip it in the butt now. I dont need her ruining my life any further. There is no doubt in my mind not an ounce...There is a lot of disappointment still over the effort and time wasted, however no doubt that I cannot go back...A bond of trust was broken...Something that can never be repaired or fixed no matter what is said or done or promised...There is no turning back... As for those who asked how long it took me...Ill be honest it was awhile (i wont give you a timeline)...For the longest time I couldnt even bare the idea of touching or kissing someone else let alone having sex or starting a relationship. I needed the time to myself to gather my thoughts and my self respect because she tore me down terribly at the end...I then dated a few people then one night my now gf walked into a bar where I hang out from time to time and literally took any feelings left for this one and just threw them out the window...She is amazing...Its been a great start...But I guess I realize that things can end as soon as they start so I do not take her for granted... Im no hero...this was just my process...this is just how my life has been...
Gypsy_Soul Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Did you two break up in August of this year? From reading your previous posts that's the timeline I got from them.
Gypsy_Soul Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 As for those who asked how long it took me...Ill be honest it was awhile (i wont give you a timeline)...For the longest time I couldnt even bare the idea of touching or kissing someone else let alone having sex or starting a relationship. I needed the time to myself to gather my thoughts and my self respect because she tore me down terribly at the end...I then dated a few people then one night my now gf walked into a bar where I hang out from time to time and literally took any feelings left for this one and just threw them out the window...She is amazing...Its been a great start...But I guess I realize that things can end as soon as they start so I do not take her for granted... Im no hero...this was just my process...this is just how my life has been... It really hasn't been that long, you know. Congratulations on your new relationship and getting over your ex. Wow.
aloneinseattle Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 JL, Your awesome, you gave me hope that their actually is a light at the end of tunnel after all. Thanks man, for the positive thread a real pick me up after reading it. Good luck on your new relationship
Author JL911 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Did you two break up in August of this year? From reading your previous posts that's the timeline I got from them. Actually No...When I found Love Shack I was months into coping and wrote my original messages as if it had just happened....I was almost embarassed about how I was feeling simply because I was falling apart for months..., and was just looking for some hope... I now realized that no1 would have tore me apart had I said I had been feeling like crap for months....
DustySaltus Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 There is no use placing anymore blame on who did what or tryin to see how and why things ended. But they did end, there is no going back, and you need to know that I dont have any plans on continuing conversations or replying to anymore of your emails. Im sorry, but you broke a trust that I easily dont give, and I do not want you in my life and you need to accept that. Im sorry to say that I now agree with you that this all was for the best. -JL I hope she leaves me alone...and hope this was the best approach.. Damn JL, you've come a long, long way and I'm very proud of you. One question I want to ask you though. If you didn't meet your current girlfriend do you think you would've handled things the same or differently? Just curious.
Author JL911 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Damn JL, you've come a long, long way and I'm very proud of you. One question I want to ask you though. If you didn't meet your current girlfriend do you think you would've handled things the same or differently? Just curious. Dusty, thats a catch 22 almost...Honestly I probaly would have responded very similar however maybe put in some more words of guilt rather than just trying to fluff her off nicely I may have even responded to a few more emails. However my mind was made up after the day where I called and was pretty much begging for forgiveness and she showed no sympathy for me. Prior to starting this relationship with my current girl I made sure that I was ready to date and felt good about things in my life. I dont want to rely on someone for happiness, but I do understand that people become so attached over time, so I guess if this relationship prospers and fails I can expect a similar outcome of grief... I actually was seeing someone prior to the relationship starting, it was just a fun relationship and NSA, but after seeing she wasnt really into having a relationship as much as she was into getting drunk and just having reliable sex when she wanted kinda made me move my interests elsewhere...A lesser man would have just stuck around I guess. Im just happy I found a way from point A to point B...You really do have to allow for things to happen to you and cannot possibly mope any longer than needed. You need to allow yourself to be happy with or without someone...
Ms. Joolie Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Im just happy I found a way from point A to point B...You really do have to allow for things to happen to you and cannot possibly mope any longer than needed. You need to allow yourself to be happy with or without someone... And it's that way, from point A to point B, that is the struggle. You are a hero! Call it just a life process, but I call it one of life's triumphs. Hey, I'm dramatic like that. But considering the struggle it was, you deserve every acknowledge for making it through. Just reading about it gives strength. A great reminder that there IS a point B, and for us not to get stuck in the middle.
ditched Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Bravo. Very well written. tho its true that i dream of getting an email like that from my ex. But i guess that just shows where i am in my healing process.
Author JL911 Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Actually after cutting off contact and getting my life back together my biggest fear was to hear from her again in fears of her coming back to start the whole process over again...Im glad I reached a point where I really no longer care. You would be amazed as a male just having a decent job and having a personality goes with the ladies...Made me realize life wasnt over for me... It shouldnt be a dream to hear from an ex...The more mature thing for an ex to do is allow you to recover and basically go away...allow you to get over it and move on with your life...All it did for me was show me what a selfish spoiled little brat I had been involved with for all of those years. It furthers the disappointment...
SushiOji Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 As for those who asked how long it took me...Ill be honest it was awhile (i wont give you a timeline)...For the longest time I couldnt even bare the idea of touching or kissing someone else let alone having sex or starting a relationship. I needed the time to myself to gather my thoughts and my self respect because she tore me down terribly at the end... This is the point I am at and I hate how she took that feeling away from me. Your email has given me hope, not that it matters if I ever get a similar email from her, but in the sense that one day I will gain what I had stripped from my soul
Recommended Posts