KikiW Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Ok here's the shortest version I can give you... A close friend of mine has recently split with her husband of 5 years. She had had a crush of him since she was 14, they started officially dating when she was 17, and were together for 10 years before marrying, so she is now 32 and has never dated anyone else in her life. The prospect of dating is causing her a lot of anxiety. Not having a lot of experience, nor having a large circle of friends, she is unsure of even how to start thinking seriously about it. She is very intelligent, and has recently taking up swimming again (she did it competitively in school and college) to get herself feeling and looking healthier. She has a few hobbies, but nothing that would really draw her into a co-ed setting (i.e. one of her favorite things is knitting, and it's hard to find knitting groups with 30-something guys in it! . She is not a bar-hopper, either. Has anyone had experience with the dating sites out there? How have they worked for you? How long did you/have you used them, and do you feel you met genuine people or did you feel like you met a lot of frauds with a few gems scattered in there? If anyone has any other suggestions, I'd be happy to pass them along as well. Thanks to anyone who reads!
onebigfatcat Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Firstly, I'd strongly suggest that you're friend does not even consider immediatly jumping into the dating arena. That is a LONG time to be in a relationship, and I suggest she get used to the idea of being alone for awhile. Alone, alone, alone. I'm a strong believer that others can pick up on that "need" to find someone else, and usually find it somewhat repellant. (Or sometimes even use it for their own selfish reasons). After she's taken some time just for herself...then I'd suggest maybe a class at the local university (lots of 30ish guys, heck I'm one of them). The gym is always a good place to meet people. She could also volunteer. (I prefer the humane society if she likes cats and dogs). Strange thing, most of this won't matter. Most people meet in the most mundane places....the library, coffee shop, grocery shopping. Just tell her, once she's ready, to get out there. Wish her luck!
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 "Split." As in actually divorced, or just separated? If she's just separated, I'd recommend she cool her jets until it's final. But even after that, there's no rush to get out there. As for where to meet people. She could try Meetup. It's a website that people go on to create local groups with common interests. At the very least, it would get her out socializing. But I met the most recent guy I dated through an outdoor adventure group from that site. I wouldn't rely on bars for anything "serious."
boogieboy Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 She shouldnt go dating online, she could get frightened by the crazies on there, and she should be getting used to finding people in person though groups and whatnot. But really, if shes having anxiety to dating, then she shouldnt date right now, let her get her rest, she needs to be alone for a while.
Author KikiW Posted November 18, 2009 Author Posted November 18, 2009 Thanks for the ideas everyone, and no she is not anywhere NEAR ready to get back out there. This has just come up in general conversations and I thought I would toss it out there so she could start thinking about things.
jerseyboy Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I thought it was going to be an " I want to date a recently divorced woman" thread. My suggestion would have been never to give her your real number. Nothing nuttier than a recently divorced woman. Shes got a few years of going wild to get out of her system before shes worth anything to anyone in a serious relationship
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