puppydog Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 My ex and I broke up a couple months ago after being together for almost 4 years. I broke up with him this last time around. We broke up in the past (not the real breakups) where you break up one day and get together the next. When we got to talking later, he says that he couldn't trust me anymore because it seemed like I was always running away or walking out on him. The only time I think I actually ran away/walked out was when we broke up in the end. I tried to explain to him that me walking away from an argument is not the same as walking out on him. I just needed some time to cool down because I don't want to say or do something I'll regret. I think he has closed the door all the way, but I feel like it's so petty to be breaking up over something like this. We've worked through bigger issues and I feel like he's blaming everything on me due to his own unresolved issues. (A prior ex-gf of his cheated and they broke up as a result). Is it time to move on?
name witheld Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Of course he has closed the door! He was needing reassurance that you would not leave him and you dumped him. What happens now is up to you. Doors can be opened as well as closed. But if you do then you will have to address what went wrong. He will be hurting though so it may take some time.
Author puppydog Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 (edited) Yeah, but I never knew that his exgf cheated on him until after we had broken up. He refused to talk about his previous ex's because he said that they were all in the past and he said it wasn't important. We had a lot of arguments about this. He only told me this after it was all done/after we broke up. I would have reassured him and been there even more so had I known this. I just feel sad because these were all issues that we could have been worked through. He says he can't trust me anymore. Does that issue ever really go away? I don't think I'll be given a chance to win him over/win his trust back. Does time ever heal that "i'm never ever going to trust her again" mentality? Obviously if he has already given up, it's a no go, right? Edited November 16, 2009 by puppydog
name witheld Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 If he loves you then I'm pretty sure he will come back, but only if he feels re-assured. It means that you have to love him enough to give him that though.
Author puppydog Posted November 19, 2009 Author Posted November 19, 2009 I don't know if it's even going to happen anymore. A couple weeks ago, we all hung out with mutual friends due to a housewarming party. I had a tad too much wine to drink so passed out on my friend's bed for an hour or so. Everyone left INCLUDING MY EX. One of my girlfriends ended up waking me up. After almost 4 years together, does he not care anymore? Is it because I'm not his gf any more that he acts like this? I think if the situation were flipped, I would have woken him up and walked him to his car if it came down to it. Haha. This all sounds pretty petty in the end. Maybe I'm just being a drama queen.
jerseyboy Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 You keep leaving out the one day break ups in your responses. They take their own toll. Frankly I wouldnt of put up with it either. I dont do things whimsically. If I break up with someone, believe me Ive thought it through for some time, and its really over. One exception, and that wasnt my fault. So this chick thing of breaking up today, apologizing the next day....... Not happening
JaggedRoad Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 You keep leaving out the one day break ups in your responses. They take their own toll. Frankly I wouldnt of put up with it either. I dont do things whimsically. If I break up with someone, believe me Ive thought it through for some time, and its really over. One exception, and that wasnt my fault. So this chick thing of breaking up today, apologizing the next day....... Not happening I totally agree with jerseyboy. You do not break up with someone constantly only to come back the next day and expect them to feel safe.
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