confusedregrets Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Ok so basically i met this girl about a year and a half ago and we really hit it off. i mean it was completely awesome. we were both really happy, our families loved each other, and our friends became intertwined. we talked, we connected, we did all kinds of things for each other. I was so in love with her. On her birthday, she said she wanted to go to a drive-in movie, that was her dream date. Well, her bday is in november so that cudn't work, so i drove out into a field and wired a laptop on the hood of my truck, and we watched her favorite movie. then for valentines day i made her a memoir of the time we'd been together. she greatly appreciated both (just trying to show things were great). there were a lot of differences in us. She's more social and i'm not that much. she wanted to go to all these weddings and stuff of people we didn't know, but i went willingly to make her happy. she's more outspoken and thinks everything must be her way, and i respect authority and do what i have to do (job.schoo,whatever) without complaints. but, we were really happy. i even had started making payments on a ring for the future and we were living together. i don't know if it was the stress of school or what, but things just started going wrong. we fought all the time, we didn't communicate, i felt like she took advantage of me being sweet, and she felt she had to force me into going to events. we would go to dinner with my famiy and she'd sit there right next to us and text me constantly asking wehn we could leave. but she was friends with my parents bfore we got together. it's like she just changed who she was. she stopped caring about school, started cheating. stopped caring about work, quit and got a new job. and she stopped talking to me, except to argue. its like she changed. i put up with this for about a month thinking it was temporary, then talked to her. nothing changed, so i ended it. that was about a month ago. for clarification on the math, we met and started dating, moved in together after 8 months, and were together for a year and a half. overall, i suppose we moved way too fast but we just got along so well and had so many good times together. it felt right. i dont know if moving too fast is the problem or what. anyways, we still talk. i told her i need time and she keeps sending me flowers, cds, saying i love you, begging me to give her another chance. i told we can't try again until we have some time to heal, and that i dont have the time to work on a rship right now. that sounds selfish, but i'm currently in an accelerated program in school that buckles me down with paperwork and i work full time at night. i tried not talking to her for a week, but i couldn't keep it up. i feel horrible about ending things with her, even though i knew we were both unhappy at the end. i know we could have worked on things better, but it doesn't change what happened. i broke up with her, and that's real. we can't ignore that, but we're no good at being friends. i still love her with all of my heart and it kills me that she's still hanging on and loving me, waiting for me to come back. what do i do? i'm so confused i dont want to not have her in my life but i dont want to be with her right now, and i dont know if theres a future after all of this. it's hard to describe everything and i'm sorry for the length of the post, but i'm so lost...i love her and just want her to be happy.
stace79 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I think that for now you should try to have as little contact with her as possible, if any. I am in the position of this girl -- my ex-fiance and I broke up, I want to reconcile, and he wants to just be friends for now. He doesn't know if we'll ever get back together, but he has to heal from a lot of arguing and conflict too. Trying to stay friends with him is not doing anything but driving us farther apart. It rips my heart out every time we hang up the phone and that he refuses to see me in person right now. And I can't stop opening my mouth about relationship issues, so I am not giving him time to heal. I am trying very hard right now to have a minimal contact friendship with him. I've said everything I can say -- he knows how I feel about him. Now I just have to let him heal and move on, and if he really loves me and we're meant to be together, he will still feel the same in a few weeks, months, whenever. (Ugh that sounds awful that I might lose him.) But I know in my head it's the right thing. If you keep up this perpetual heart-break with her by keeping in touch, somebody's really going to get hurt, and you'll not only lose her romantically but you won't even be able to have good feelings about each other....
sean1970 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 And I can't stop opening my mouth about relationship issues, so I am not giving him time to heal. What about your healing?
stace79 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 What about your healing? Ha... well, I was looking at it from the perspective that I actually broke up with him, first, but under some pretty extreme circumstances. Now that those circumstances have changed, I want to try again and he's the one saying I made the right decision. So I look at it as he is healing because I first rejected him, and I also said some pretty awful things in anger and desperation. But yes, you're correct -- both of us have a lot of healing to do, just as people in general, not even in the context of our R.
Author confusedregrets Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 that does sound a lot like what we're going through. it just hurts to keep hurting her but its hard to avoid contact. your advice does help a lo thought, especially being from the other point of view. thank u for replying..i guess it'll work itself out with time.
Metal_Muffin Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Sounds a little like mine but I'm on the other side! I txt my ex loads when we broke up because I still love him and the reasons we broke up can be fixed but I have to let him have his space. I see it as I love him and he knows that so it's up to him! I'm giving him space and I know we might never speak again but that's something I have to deal with! You need to keep up with the no contact it will be hard for her but in the long run the no contact does make it easier for her and allows you that time you need!
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