Ms. Joolie Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Nothing you can do? Pu-lease. You either get in contact with her and find out how you can make this relationship work OR accept the relationship is over and move on already. You may need to be flatly rejected before you can move on with your life. Are you up to that? One girl on here called her ex-fiance and asked for him to tell her he no longer wanted her in his life. He couldn't do that. They got back together eventually. They are making the relationship work. If you tried something similar, but was rejected, that would be helpful as well. Because then you KNOW you have to move on. .... or just be miserable. Your life.
sean1970 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 If you tried something similar, but was rejected, that would be helpful as well. Because then you KNOW you have to move on. .... or just be miserable. Your life. "I DON'T WANT TO DATE YOU!" Yeah, that's what did it for me... 35 days NC...
Confused728 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 ms joolie-- I tried doin that with my bf, he said he doesnt want a relationship right now but still wants me in his life and is not opposed to getting back together somtime but he is not rushing into anything! whats that supposed to mean... if i asked if we would get back together all he would say is he doesnt know what the future holds, and that i should move on for now..but right now he wants to be single... and he told me he loved me...i been NC now for six weeks in that time he has text me four times, nothing important just good mornings, and asked how i was doing but i never reply..he did not want me to go NC and didnt like it when i told him we werent going to talk.... im confused im kind of rejected and accepted....whats going on?
Ms. Joolie Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 ms joolie-- I tried doin that with my bf, he said he doesnt want a relationship right now but still wants me in his life and is not opposed to getting back together somtime but he is not rushing into anything! whats that supposed to mean... if i asked if we would get back together all he would say is he doesnt know what the future holds, and that i should move on for now..but right now he wants to be single... and he told me he loved me...i been NC now for six weeks in that time he has text me four times, nothing important just good mornings, and asked how i was doing but i never reply..he did not want me to go NC and didnt like it when i told him we werent going to talk.... im confused im kind of rejected and accepted....whats going on? In my opinion, and definitely from a female's point of view, he is not offering you the relationship you want, right? You will have to accept that AND move on. It is so hard, but you have to let go. Good for you for not replying to those texts. You are strong. I'm kinda in the same place you are. The ex didn't want NC either, but I absolutely needed the space to let go. We've been NC for two weeks, but I'm still working at total acceptance that it's over. I'm so sorry you are going through this. So many of us are in the same boat. We just need to find that strength, and we'll make it through. There's a full life ahead! Every day we spend in confusion or heartache is just another day we choose to waste.... Use each day for healing, not hurting.
Author McGrupp Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 (edited) i just got back from the shrink and he pretty much said the same thing as ms. joolie. im going to write an email and send it , maybe in some weeks, and just ask and explain my feelings. ive gotten to many i need to find myself and i dont want to date you just yet or right now. i need to move on and stop waiting. i know its 98% over, but i would love he to know how i feel and then walk away... Edited November 16, 2009 by McGrupp
Author McGrupp Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 pretty pointless though i guess. might give me the answer im looking for. idk. i know LS will say just stay NC. 11 days
HeavenOrHell Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I feel for you, it is sheer torture. I sent a letter about 3 weeks after he left, I wanted him to know how I felt and how much he had meant to me, as he left because of neglect. He really appreciated the letter. i just got back from the shrink and he pretty much said the same thing as ms. joolie. im going to write an email and send it , maybe in some weeks, and just ask and explain my feelings. ive gotten to many i need to find myself and i dont want to date you just yet or right now. i need to move on and stop waiting. i know its 98% over, but i would love he to know how i feel and then walk away...
Ms. Joolie Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 You could try and do what my ex did.... it worked in getting me back at least. (I mean, in previous times when I ended the relationship and he was still interested.) What he would do, is wait a couple of months. After time passed, he would call me. (don't email) He would see how I'm doing, see what's up. I was receptive to him, so I was kind and all. Eventually we started talking about us. I think he would say that he was "checking to see if the door was still open." Um, yes, my door was still open. We would talk about how we missed each other and stuff. Then we'd plan to see each other again, and we were back in a relationship. So you could use that game, and see if it gets you your girl back. Check to see if the door is open, maybe in the new year, but be ready to accept that the door may not be. It all depends on that phone call... how you handle it. If you can get her to miss you and accept a date, then there you go. Again, be prepared for rejection. Just something to think about. Wow, weird to be giving out my ex's game plan.... lol
Midnight Rider Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 What he would do, is wait a couple of months. After time passed, he would call me. (don't email) He would see how I'm doing, see what's up. I was receptive to him, so I was kind and all. Eventually we started talking about us. I think he would say that he was "checking to see if the door was still open." Um, yes, my door was still open. We would talk about how we missed each other and stuff. Then we'd plan to see each other again, and we were back in a relationship. That's really nice to hear. I wish there were more stories like that. I hope your relationship works out, because it will give hope and confidence to others. Sometimes people DO change, and they (and you) deserve a second chance.
Ms. Joolie Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 That's really nice to hear. I wish there were more stories like that. I hope your relationship works out, because it will give hope and confidence to others. Sometimes people DO change, and they (and you) deserve a second chance. Um, well, our relationship didn't work out, but thanks! lol. All I'm saying is that it worked in getting the woman back. It's something to try in a couple of months if he so chooses. But it will have to be NC until then. It could work. Or he could be rejected. The thread title is "I want her back" and so if he really wants her back, this is an option.
sean1970 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 That's really nice to hear. I wish there were more stories like that. I hope your relationship works out, because it will give hope and confidence to others. Sometimes people DO change, and they (and you) deserve a second chance. As much as people here want to hear this, it is not healthy for them to (IMO). I did notice that Ms. Joolie still said 'ex'. There are not 'more stories like that' because they are very RARE... The 'hope' and 'confidence' should be focused on what positive change they can make for themselves, not from the idea that it will repair their failed relationship.
Author McGrupp Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 i really dont know what to do. NC and work on me, however i am miserable. try one last time...explain that i did do a lot of things wrong, see if there might be a chance... i just dont know, and dont want to wait 2 months from now and then go back to page 1...
BCCA Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 i really dont know what to do. NC and work on me, however i am miserable. try one last time...explain that i did do a lot of things wrong, see if there might be a chance... i just dont know, and dont want to wait 2 months from now and then go back to page 1... You remind me of where I was at, and so I tell you what I did. I decided that no one would love me if I didnt love myself. NO girl, especially not one that had me and decided she could do better, would ever want anything to do with a depressed, broken, and hopeless guy. People sadly have their own problems, and therefore, have little time for yours. So, I completely stopped worrying about contacting her or if she would contact me. I have been in NC for about 11 months, during which time things like birtdays, hollidays, and the passing of her father were great excuses to break NC, but I didnt. Next month will be an entire year Ive gone without so much as a word being spoken. For what its worth, she has made 1 attempt, long long ago to say thanks for something, but I never responded, and never heard from her again. Whats the moral? She hasnt contacted me, which = me staying NC is the right thing to do. Not everyone is going to get the ex that keeps showing up and wont leave them alone, most women run the other way after a split. So, worry about you. Do whats good for you, and what you think will help you the most in the longrun. There will be days when life sucks, and there are still days I wonder if I'll ever see or hear from her again, and as much as these feelings and emotions take their toll, I dont act on them anymore. A small 'sigh' is about as much emotion as you'll see from me in regards to her. Keep NC, trust me, Ive been there. The longer you can hold out, the better off youll be. That's really nice to hear. I wish there were more stories like that. I hope your relationship works out, because it will give hope and confidence to others. Sometimes people DO change, and they (and you) deserve a second chance. Well, I dont know if you caught the end, but the guy is still an ex. More often than not, after people break up - its never going to be the same. Stories of getting back together arent hard to find, but stories of people actually staying together are.
Author McGrupp Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 (edited) im in so much pain. its been 2+ months and im still so sad... not sure what to do anymore...everyday is worse it feels like. Edited November 16, 2009 by McGrupp
LexiB Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Allow yourself to go through the emotions hon - fully and freely. Don't be ashamed. Trust that it WILL get better. Only you can determine how long that's going to take though. Hang in there!
nobleguy Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 im in so much pain. its been 2+ months and im still so sad... not sure what to do anymore...everyday is worse it feels like. I'm 3 1/2 months since splitting, and I have to admit I'm just as sad now, if not more, than I ever have been. In some ways I wish she had cheated on me - I could have got over her leaving and her new boyfriend at the same time, but her finally getting what she wanted and then telling me about him two weeks ago has set me back a long long way. It was like the final nail in the coffin for us, a final lasting rejection. I don't think life has ever seemed so hopeless to me, it really hasn't.
Midnight Rider Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 These are such times to show that neither money would buy happiness. You could probably have 1 million dollars in your bank account, and would still feel down. These situations make you really ponder the meaning of it all, life and all that. In this time, you could start a blog site to keep you occupied. Reading some novels is a good idea too.
Recommended Posts