Ptribe Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I've been happily married to a wonderful and beautiful Colombian woman for the past 10 years. She is the kindest most trustworthy person I have ever met. She is also very spiritual and very devoted to me. We have two beautiful daughters together and a great family life. I have always been faithful to her, aside from viewing and engaging in occasional online CAM sex sites. I never physically met anyone one or did anything sexual until now. Last week I met a woman down on her luck in a shopping plaza. She told me she was married and pregnant and needed money to get meds for her children. She seemed quite normal, and was attractive. When she asked me for money, I offered her $20 if she would give me a handjob. After great deliberation, she decided to agree swearing she has never done anything like this before. I told her I also never did this but it was exciting to me. To make matters worse, I told her I didn't want to get all messy, so she allowed me to ejaculate in her mouth after she questioned if I was disease free, which of course I am. She spit afterwards and we talked for a moment before parting ways. I was shocked she actually hugged me and thanked me for helping her. I was feeling quite proud of the situation, until I got home and saw my wife. Then I realized what a scumbag I was. I could barely look at her. Since then I haven't even made love to my wife, making excuses why. I don't feel like I deserve her after this and I also fear in the back of my mind, what happens if I got an STD from this act? I don't want to give it to her. My wife has made it clear to me that she will love me forever as long as I never cheat on her. A single act of cheating would result in an immediate divorce. She is very traditional so I suppose she would consider even internet sex chatting a cheating act. Since this happened, something in my mind has really snapped. I realize everything I did in the past on the internet and obviously this most recent action was very wrong. I have no desire to ever do this again and I have already thrown away my webcam and mic. All I want now is to be the faithful and respectful husband that my wife thinks I am. Her friends and family love me and I am an excellent father to our children. Yet when I look at my wife and her family, I feel disgrace in myself. How did I allow this to happen? I feel like telling her everything but I fear hurting her deeply. She doesn't handle stress well as it puts a severe physical strain on her body. During her last pregnancy, she developed Bells Palsy which she is still not fully recovered from. I feel constant guilt from this but I know in my heart and soul I can never repeat these heinous acts again. I don't want to break up my family and my marriage because of this stupid thing I did but at the same time, I don't want to live a lie with the woman I love so much and has placed so much trust in me. We spent the last 10 years building our lives together and working on our home to make it a paradise for our children. We co-own a small business that we built together. I don't want to wreck any of this but most importantly, I don't want to hurt her. I appreciate anyone's advice as I am too ashamed to even tell my best friend or any family member about this. I have never kept secrets from my wife until now and its burning me up. thanks for your replies.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 When a stranger asked you for money, why did you coerce her into prostitution? I can't imagine anything more horrible than making a woman do something like this for money that she genuinely needs (unless of course, she is a prostitute). And she was pregnant as well? I'm sorry, but what you made her do for money for her kids was far more horrible than what you did to your wife (and again, I should say unless she was a prostitute). As for cheating on your wife with a woman that you coerced into prostitution - well, your wife is going to be shocked and horrified on a few different levels. As a mother, she will be sickened over how you made that woman 'earn' her money, and as a wife, she will be sickened that you turned to a complete stranger for sexual release. Will she be able to handle it? I think you may want to see an individual counselor first to figure out what drives you to do what you do and why you do it, so that you won't do it again and then get advice on how to talk to your wife about it.
JL911 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Boy I hope you dont have a daughter who someday needs $20 and meets someone like you......
scatterd Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Poor woman down on her luck willing to do anything for her children and you made it so dirty.You should feel for your wife and her that was a double whammy.
GorillaTheater Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Twenty bucks? Palmgirl sold out pretty cheaply. I mean, not nearly as cheaply as you, but still.
106rob Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 that is wrong what you did,but im sure you know that you seam to anyway and no matter what anyone says on here you know it was wrong and will never do it again,so lesson lernt? but there again if a stranger just comes up and asks for money that must raise a few eye brows surely i know we dont get that in the uk anyway (well the odd begger etc) but no one actualy coming up and asking obv i know its a completly difrent scenario in america
Ronni_W Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Ptribe. On the off-chance that your post is genuine. This is a burden that you must bear by yourself. You must find your own forgiveness and bring yourself back into grace in your own eyes, and in the eyes of your higher power, whom or whatever that may be. Seek counsel from a priest, rabbi, imam, pastor or spiritual director (it does not have to be within your own congregation, or your wife's); hire a therapist or counselor. Do NOT just pass the buck and try to get rid of your guilt by telling your wife. She deserves to NOT have that happen to her. Best of luck.
Author Ptribe Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 I understand all of the negative comments towards me and frankly I deserve them. I honestly can't say if she was pregnant b/c she didn't really look like she was. She did tell me she has never done anything like this before and I didn't force her. I see a lot of woman lately scamming in shopping centers around here pretending to be poor and in need of money. Last week a woman told me her car broke down and needed $2 for gas. She even had a kid with her. I gave her $5 and offered to call the police to help but she fled afterwards. Later I told my wife about that and she also got hit up by that same woman with the same story 2 weeks prior. This woman that did this with me however actually liked what she was doing to me which was a bit surprising to me. She tried to kiss me on my mouth afterwards and I instead turned a cheek and hugged her. I was in a daze all morning after it happened. It really did feel like a dream to me as I couldn't believe it myself. I realize what I did was horrific and I don't want to hurt my wife further by telling her what happened. We are planning a vowel renewal next year for our 10th anniversary. I want to use that occasion as a clean slate to start over and be the faithful husband she deserves. I know I will suffer for this if there is an afterlife and I don't mind. All I care about is that my wife and kids are always happy and provided for. If I burn in hell as a result or spend an eternity in purgatory then I deserve whatever judgment is placed upon me by the higher power and I will accept that. I did learn my lesson well and it snapped me out of my selfish sex gratification mode that I've been stuck in for so long. I know this may sound odd to all of you, but I look at my wife differently now. I feel like I love her even more and I cherish her even more and I don't ever want to lose that with her. I'm sorry if I horrified some of you folks and I pray my sex addiction is finally cured from this horrible act that I committed.
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