CarbonCopy Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I can totally relate to this thread. I have a list of qualities that I'd ideally want in my partner: well-educated, has a job/career, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink excessively, doesn't do drugs, etc. About a month ago I went on a date with a guy that, on paper, had most of the qualities I was looking for. He was also cute and a really nice guy. But I just wasn't attracted to him (and I gave it more than one date). I can't explain WHY he didn't do it for me, but he didn't. My ex, however. He's the COMPLETE opposite of the type of guy that I'd ever date and has very, very few of those qualities that I want in a man -- and yet I was head over heels for him. Absolutely crazy about him. I don't get it. Why can't I find a guy that has those qualities I want that I'm ALSO crazy about? Annoying.
AD1980 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 The ugly people who are picky are probably a bit self-delusional, and the same for the attractive people who aren't so picky. I agree..But for most people league is a matter of opinion in terms of looks.. As i said most people you see fall either average or a little below or above rarely do u see somebody hideous or stunning
Thornton Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 But what I find stunning, someone else might classify as average, and vice versa. I like very fair men with blue eyes, whereas my best friend likes olive skinned men with dark hair and eyes, and my other friend likes black men. All of us would probably date outside of our preference if a man was nice, but the men who catch our eyes because of physical looks are usually different for all of us. It's weird though, because I can agree that a man who my friend likes is aesthetically pleasing, even if he isn't "my type". It's like I can see he's handsome, but he just doesn't "push my buttons" if you see what I mean... it's a dispassionate assessment of how he looks. I have no idea what makes me think some men are attractive, and what makes me unattracted to other men even if I can see that they're nice looking. Sometimes I can see that one man is more handsome than the other, but I'm drawn to the less classically handsome one, I know not why!
Isolde Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Ladies, it's honestly not that complicated. I have a theory that people are drawn to those that remind them vaguely of their extended family, thus are slightly "familiar." A degree of familiarity and comfort are very important concepts in attraction.
Thornton Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 (edited) That might actually be somewhat true... I don't find dark eyes particularly attractive, but I love blue eyes, and both my parents and myself have bluey-green eyes. Curls and thick hair also attract me, and again both my parents and myself have curly hair. I also like guys of a similar stature to my father (tall and stocky) but with the same sort of emotional open-ness and kindness that my mother has. My friend who likes dark hair and eyes, coincidentally, also has dark hair and eyes herself, and so does her mother. My friend who likes black guys is olive skinned with black hair and heavy features not dissimilar to those of the guys she's attracted to. Hmm, you may have a workable theory there Isolde! ETA: I just looked back at some photos of a recent work function, because there was this guy there from another office who I had a bit of a crush on. I saw him and literally went "wow, he's gorgeous", and my other colleague pulled a face like she wasn't much into him. Now I'm looking back at the photos, he actually looks a lot like my father... same kind of curly hairstyle, same kind of eyebrows, but with blonde hair (like my mother). Scary Edited November 18, 2009 by Thornton
Isolde Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Right. I mean, I don't find myself attracted to guys that look like they could be my brother, but I do find myself attracted to guys that could ostensibly be a cousin, in that they have a trait or two that maybe belonged to one of my grandparents, or something like that.
thegreatmoose Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I could say the same about men who are sexually attracted to women who have decent sized breasts, a slim waist and a nice ass. Such women don't defecate gold either, but men universally find them attractive. Not necessarily. Face and hair are higher on my personal list of what makes a woman physically attractive. I find both men and women frequently place too much emphasis on looks and not enough on the rest of the person. I eliminate some women that I'm not attracted to, but eliminate 10-20 times as many for other reasons. If a woman is dishonest or has a history of cheating or other negative personality characteristics, she could be the most physically attractive in the world and I wouldn't want anything to do with her.
Thornton Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 (edited) All of my parents and grandparents and cousins have blue eyes, and apart from a couple of cousins they all have curly hair too, which might explain why I find those traits especially attractive. It was actually a slight shock to look back at the photos of that function and realise that the guy I had a crush on actually reminds me a lot of my father and grandfather, and a bit of my ex! Edited November 18, 2009 by Thornton
gypsy_nicky Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 sumdude and thornton put it down good. Really attractive people will get consensus almost by everyone in terms of appearance. Those who think they're really attractive but in fact are average/high average or ugly, will pick out the few instances they were 'hit on'. Usually they will be hit on by people similar to their attractiveness level. It's only when they chance upon someone gorgeous who has a lower opinion of themselves will these two be able to hit it off. What I'm finding in todays dating scene is women and especially men tend to overestimate the way they look, they actually warp their own realities to fit their belief that they're extremely attractive. I met this one girl at work who thought she was a 10. She was really an average cake face (heavy makeup).
AD1980 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 What I'm finding in todays dating scene is women and especially men tend to overestimate the way they look, they actually warp their own realities to fit their belief that they're extremely attractive. I met this one girl at work who thought she was a 10. She was really an average cake face (heavy makeup). Ehh i dont think Men are any more dellusional then women if anyhting i think its women who are more Ugly or average dudes arent gettign hit on by attractive women theyre getting ignored and if they hit on them will get rejected Women who arent hideous but maybe average or a little below will get hit on by men allot and at times even ones above their level becasue most Men at sometime or another will hit on anyhting halfway decent just t otry to get sex.. So i think below average or average women have mroe inflated views because of sexual adavnces that ugly or average dudes dont get..
b52s Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Ehh i dont think Men are any more dellusional then women if anyhting i think its women who are more Ugly or average dudes arent gettign hit on by attractive women theyre getting ignored and if they hit on them will get rejected Women who arent hideous but maybe average or a little below will get hit on by men allot and at times even ones above their level becasue most Men at sometime or another will hit on anyhting halfway decent just t otry to get sex.. So i think below average or average women have mroe inflated views because of sexual adavnces that ugly or average dudes dont get.. Exactly....even the average women with relatively nice figures (some don't even need to work out, they're just soft)....will have men beating down their doors at times. As long as they don't weigh 300 lbs, a man is satisfied with said woman.
ADF Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Because maybe you're not just after money or status?
Thornton Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 There are fewer things that are turn-offs in a woman though, as long as she's clean and ok looking and normal weight, and is a decent person. If a man is soft and flabby it's a turn-off, but women are supposed to be softer anyway so men don't mind so much if they don't work out. If a man is effeminate it's a turn-off, but women are supposed to be effeminate. Men are more likely to lose their hair than women are. A man usually has to be taller than a woman to be considered attractive, but a woman can be any height. On average, more men than women lack fashion sense. Gentlemanly behaviour is expected of a man (and if he isn't a gentleman it's a bit of a turn-off) but such behaviour isn't expected from women. Men are expected to be a little bit tough (and being wet and weedy is a turn-off) but if a woman doesn't act tough it doesn't matter. Women can do a lot more polishing and plucking and painting than men can, so on average they look better because they've done more self improvement (compared to most men who just shave (if you're lucky) and put on a clean shirt). That's before you consider issues relating to wealth, success, etc which are generally more important to women than they are to men. I'm a woman, and I evaluate men and women on those criteria... I realise the inequality, but I judge soft bodied women as being attractive and soft bodied men as being unattractive, and so on.
thegreatmoose Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 There are fewer things that are turn-offs in a woman though, as long as she's clean and ok looking and normal weight, and is a decent person. If a man is soft and flabby it's a turn-off, but women are supposed to be softer anyway so men don't mind so much if they don't work out. If a man is effeminate it's a turn-off, but women are supposed to be effeminate. Men are more likely to lose their hair than women are. A man usually has to be taller than a woman to be considered attractive, but a woman can be any height. On average, more men than women lack fashion sense. Gentlemanly behaviour is expected of a man (and if he isn't a gentleman it's a bit of a turn-off) but such behaviour isn't expected from women. Men are expected to be a little bit tough (and being wet and weedy is a turn-off) but if a woman doesn't act tough it doesn't matter. Women can do a lot more polishing and plucking and painting than men can, so on average they look better because they've done more self improvement (compared to most men who just shave (if you're lucky) and put on a clean shirt). That's before you consider issues relating to wealth, success, etc which are generally more important to women than they are to men. I'm a woman, and I evaluate men and women on those criteria... I realise the inequality, but I judge soft bodied women as being attractive and soft bodied men as being unattractive, and so on. Your criteria are of course going to make women look better as a whole. What if different criteria are used? Either sex could be made to look better. I think when everything is added up, they are about the same.
cognac Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Exactly....even the average women with relatively nice figures (some don't even need to work out, they're just soft)....will have men beating down their doors at times. As long as they don't weigh 300 lbs, a man is satisfied with said woman. Absolutely, especially in America. I live in NYC and it's ridiculous how many extremely good looking , rich, and all around "perfect" (in a woman's opinion) are fighting each other for a handful of average looking women. America really is a woman's paradise, they can considered super hot just by being an average weight. For guys it's the opposite, only a small percentage of men no matter how attractive they objectively are, pass the physical, financial and character "tests" the women of America put for them. Go to another country, particularly developing ones like Bulgaria or Uruguay and the opposite is the truth! The women in these countries don't wear that much makeup but they are natural beauties, and the men, well the women in these places consider a man having all his teeth to be enough to give him a shot! HAHAHHAHA. I knew guys who were missing teeth, poor, etc who had gorgeous girlfriends (who would be models in the USA dating millionaires) and had the gaul to CHEAT ON THEM! If only they knew that in America , Canada, and Britain they would be considered much worse than ugly. Seriously, dating is hard for men and easy for women only in feminist countries where the women are very ugly and have crummy personalities anyway. Go somewhere else and you'll see how in other parts of the world, romance is accessible by anyone, and slim decent looking guys like us who are considered to be on the level of fat chicks (because we are short or whatever) can actually date women who are our equals.
Thornton Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Wow, I clearly need to move to New York where all the perfect men are - being slightly above average I'd probably score the hottest guy in town
gypsy_nicky Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 (edited) Absolutely, especially in America. I live in NYC and it's ridiculous how many extremely good looking , rich, and all around "perfect" (in a woman's opinion) are fighting each other for a handful of average looking women. America really is a woman's paradise, they can considered super hot just by being an average weight. For guys it's the opposite, only a small percentage of men no matter how attractive they objectively are, pass the physical, financial and character "tests" the women of America put for them. Go to another country, particularly developing ones like Bulgaria or Uruguay and the opposite is the truth! The women in these countries don't wear that much makeup but they are natural beauties, and the men, well the women in these places consider a man having all his teeth to be enough to give him a shot! HAHAHHAHA. I knew guys who were missing teeth, poor, etc who had gorgeous girlfriends (who would be models in the USA dating millionaires) and had the gaul to CHEAT ON THEM! If only they knew that in America , Canada, and Britain they would be considered much worse than ugly. Seriously, dating is hard for men and easy for women only in feminist countries where the women are very ugly and have crummy personalities anyway. Go somewhere else and you'll see how in other parts of the world, romance is accessible by anyone, and slim decent looking guys like us who are considered to be on the level of fat chicks (because we are short or whatever) can actually date women who are our equals. No. This paragraph of yours is a perfect example of why men today tend to overestimate their looks...then get burned. "Extremely good looking, rich, perfect" men?? Then average women?? I think your missing something. New York has become a very equal field in terms of relationships for both men and women. That's why its harder. This isn't our grandaddy's days when a woman was asked out she should feel privileged just because a man was doing the asking. Edited November 18, 2009 by gypsy_nicky
gypsy_nicky Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 (edited) Ehh i dont think Men are any more dellusional then women if anyhting i think its women who are more Ugly or average dudes arent gettign hit on by attractive women theyre getting ignored and if they hit on them will get rejected Women who arent hideous but maybe average or a little below will get hit on by men allot and at times even ones above their level becasue most Men at sometime or another will hit on anyhting halfway decent just t otry to get sex.. So i think below average or average women have mroe inflated views because of sexual adavnces that ugly or average dudes dont get.. I'm still sticking with mine. Getting hit on has a double standard on women. And you have to remember, only guys who are extremely attractive get hit on (Brad Pitt looks). Most guys are below/ high or just average and they will have to do most of the chasing as what you said, women have a lot of men at their disposal. No, not all men want sex. An inflated ego does not stem from men that are not considered attractive 'hitting on you'. "My ego does not go up if a fat chick hits on me". Most men I know think when a girl is chatting them up they find him attractive lol. They always get burned. Edited November 19, 2009 by gypsy_nicky
AD1980 Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 I'm still sticking with mine. Getting hit on has a double standard on women. And you have to remember, only guys who are extremely attractive get hit on (Brad Pitt looks). Most guys are below/ high or just average and they will have to do most of the chasing as what you said, women have a lot of men at their disposal. No, not all men want sex. An inflated ego does not stem from men that are not considered attractive 'hitting on you'. "My ego does not go up if a fat chick hits on me". Most men I know think when a girl is chatting them up they find him attractive lol. They always get burned. That is true unless your Brad Pittish you don get approached even pretty good looking guys i know who get tons of women still have to do the chasing.. My point is most guys evem good looking ones have droughts or to be blunt nights where they just want some easy arse and will hit on a girl whos plain or average just to get his rocks off..A average or slighlty below average dude will never get those advances
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