LovelyDaze Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I've decided to not go online, try to date or get fixed up after my latest bad breakup. It is said that love happens when you least suspect, when you are living your life not searching for anyone at all. Is anyone doing this or are you actively out there trying to find someone new?
selena_cat Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I think its ideal when everyone says loev will happen when your not looking for it, but i say show up to places,events,where you can meet people, i cant see sitting back for love to show up in my doorstep,i have to put myself out there so who knows what may happen.. Sure the online thing to me is a dead-end being there so many players out there,plus most of my real relationships happens offline. good luck, still go and be socialable thats usually where it starts.
Author LovelyDaze Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 I sure will try. I want some "me" time for awhile and then I am going to go back to going out with my friends more to restaurants, events and things. Right now, I am just not ready to see someone else. I want the next man to get the very best of me. Not some girl who is still clinging on to even the tiniest bit of hope that their ex can change. I hate that part of me. Hope in someone who has proven otherwise.
shadowplay Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I've decided to not go online, try to date or get fixed up after my latest bad breakup. It is said that love happens when you least suspect, when you are living your life not searching for anyone at all. Is anyone doing this or are you actively out there trying to find someone new? Dunno...but who's the actress in your avatar? She purtty.
threebyfate Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 It is said that love happens when you least suspect, when you are living your life not searching for anyone at all.That's pretty what's happened my entire life. I think when you look too hard, you're not looking for someone, just looking for a relationship to compensate for what's missing in your life. Is anyone doing this or are you actively out there trying to find someone new?No need to do this anymore, since I've met the love of my life by accident.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I've given up, basically. No one currently, not looking, not interested in looking, and working on finding what makes me happy outside of relationships. I may end up single for the rest of my life, but I'm beginning to not mind it all that much. If it happens, it happens. It won't happen for everyone, and that is just a hard fact of life and I've accepted that.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I echo this. And I wouldn't be ready for a long time to even think about being with someone else, not after 18 years being with the person I thought was the love of my life. I've given up, basically. No one currently, not looking, not interested in looking, and working on finding what makes me happy outside of relationships. I may end up single for the rest of my life, but I'm beginning to not mind it all that much. If it happens, it happens. It won't happen for everyone, and that is just a hard fact of life and I've accepted that.
Thornton Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 (edited) I've given up, basically. No one currently, not looking, not interested in looking, and working on finding what makes me happy outside of relationships. I may end up single for the rest of my life, but I'm beginning to not mind it all that much. If it happens, it happens. It won't happen for everyone, and that is just a hard fact of life and I've accepted that. This is very sad, but what's even sadder is that I agree. I've spent a long time looking, and dating, and feeling miserable because I want this great man to show up already and I'm depressed and lonely because he hasn't. I'm pretty much at the point of acceptance now; since I was a child I believed the fairytale that this great guy would just show up one day, and now I'm 30 I'm beginning to realise that, as Lucrezia says, it doesn't happen for everyone, and I may be one of those people for whom it doesn't happen. So I'm trying to work on building a life for myself... I bought a dog, I took a couple of classes that I'm interested in, and I made plans for my future that don't necessarily have to involve a man. I'm preparing myself for the possibility that I might never truly be in love with someone who loves me back; it's a bitter pill to swallow when you've spent your whole life being indoctrinated by romantic movies and Disney etc to believe exactly the opposite Having said that, I still have the tiniest bit of hope that it might still happen for me, so I'm still trying to put myself out there a bit... not dating as such, just looking. I don't think you can sit around at home and wait for love to happen, because it almost certainly won't. You have to put yourself out there and meet people who might be suitable, while still accepting that it might not happen for you. I'm not going to date a load of losers and settle for the least loser-ish one though (which is what I did in the past, and it's what a lot of people do in desperation)... if my guy turns up then great, if not then at least I gave love every opportunity to happen and I have to accept that it just didn't. I'm not going to settle if I can help it, I'd rather be alone than with someone I don't love. Edited November 17, 2009 by Thornton
caramel c Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 This is very sad, but what's even sadder is that I agree. I've spent a long time looking, and dating, and feeling miserable because I want this great man to show up already and I'm depressed and lonely because he hasn't. I'm pretty much at the point of acceptance now; since I was a child I believed the fairytale that this great guy would just show up one day, and now I'm 30 I'm beginning to realise that, as Lucrezia says, it doesn't happen for everyone, and I may be one of those people for whom it doesn't happen. So I'm trying to work on building a life for myself... I bought a dog, I took a couple of classes that I'm interested in, and I made plans for my future that don't necessarily have to involve a man. I'm preparing myself for the possibility that I might never truly be in love with someone who loves me back; it's a bitter pill to swallow when you've spent your whole life being indoctrinated by romantic movies and Disney etc to believe exactly the opposite Having said that, I still have the tiniest bit of hope that it might still happen for me, so I'm still trying to put myself out there a bit... not dating as such, just looking. I don't think you can sit around at home and wait for love to happen, because it almost certainly won't. You have to put yourself out there and meet people who might be suitable, while still accepting that it might not happen for you. I'm not going to date a load of losers and settle for the least loser-ish one though (which is what I did in the past, and it's what a lot of people do in desperation)... if my guy turns up then great, if not then at least I gave love every opportunity to happen and I have to accept that it just didn't. I'm not going to settle if I can help it, I'd rather be alone than with someone I don't love. This is also how I feel. Seriously, I could have written this. We'll see what happens. I am 32 now and I need to accept true love as a possibility for me, not as a for sure thing in my future.
Fluffsticle Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 (edited) I think I'm in love with a workmate. He's been under my nose for the past 2 years. And in the last few months he's in my dreams at night. I look forward to seeing him every day. I do anything to see him smile at me, and I'm so scared now because he is due to finish work and I might never see him again. Work is the last place I would have looked. but he's been under my nose all along! It really does happen when you least expect :-) caramel c you HAVE TO keep believing. If you stop believing, it won't work. You have to get on and build your life and do what you want to do regardless. Only that way will you find your dream man. Edited November 17, 2009 by Fluffsticle
Thornton Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Someone on another thread said: If you go shopping for a blue dress, you'll come home with a blue dress, even if it doesn't fit so good. But if you go shopping with no particular goal in mind, you may or may not come home with a blue dress - but if you do choose to buy one, it'll be a blue dress that you really like. The same goes for love; if you go out looking for a relationship, you'll find one, but it won't necessarily be one you're happy with. But if you're not so fixated on finding a relationship, when you do finally choose to have one it'll be because it's a really good one. So I think you need to get out there and look, but not be too fixated on the idea of actually finding love, if that makes sense.
seoa Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I think it very much depends on your starting point... (continuing with the 'shopping' theme) If you are starting from a point of 'shopping' for relationships that aren't really good enough, you just bought 'em coz they were there... Then in that case, you probably ought to stop shopping until you've refined your criteria some... But if you've not been shopping in ages, and can't honestly remember how the whole shopping things works - then you're never going to get a dress of any kind...! In that case, you need to get yourself back down the shopping centre, maybe buy a handbag or 2, just to get back in the swing of things... (And if I'm being too obscure with the 'handbags' - I mean, get into date-like activities - occasions that require you to get your flirt back on - parties etc... If you're not giving off the "I'm available" vibe, then you're not gonna "just meet" anyone...)
sunshinegirl Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 In many ways I used to think that that adage (you find it when you're not looking) was really irritating and patronising, and usually uttered by people who HAD managed to find love, which made it even more irritating and patronising. About 6 or 7 months ago I got really fed up with the dating scene and went on a "guy-aitus" - no men, no dates, no relationships, just forget it for awhile. Given the parade of idiots, jerks, and other incompatible guys I kept meeting online, it felt pretty hopeless, and I was getting more and more depressed and negative about the dating world altogether. So I stepped out of it for awhile. When I did, I started facing down the real possibility that I wouldn't EVER meet the right guy, ever have kids, ever have a family of my own. I wasn't being melodramatic, either: I'm 35 and my window for having biological children is going to close before too long. I don't want to put a Pollyanna spin on all of this, but all I can say is this: I stopped thinking about relationships, came to terms with being single indefinitely, and focused on making the rest of my life happy and fulfilling; and about 1-2 months later I met a guy named Dan. Four months after that, we started dating, and today I have a strong sense that I have met my match and that he's going to be in my life for a long time to come. I didn't see this coming, at all, partly because Dan doesn't fit my preconceived ideas of what I thought I wanted. But I am really really thankful that (1) he kept pursuing me even though I wasn't really interested for the first few months and (2) I opened my eyes to how great he is and stopped friend-zoning him.
Thornton Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Gosh that's a great story sunshinegirl! I wish something similar would happen to me. Whenever I've re-evaluated a guy who I previously friendzoned, I did it out of sheer desperation, thinking "well there's no guys that I actually want to date, and I'm lonely/unhappy/scared about being left alone, so maybe dating this friend wouldn't be so bad..." Then of course it doesn't work out because I wasn't really attracted to this guy in the beginning. Yours seems to have worked out pretty well though
sunshinegirl Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Gosh that's a great story sunshinegirl! I wish something similar would happen to me. Whenever I've re-evaluated a guy who I previously friendzoned, I did it out of sheer desperation, thinking "well there's no guys that I actually want to date, and I'm lonely/unhappy/scared about being left alone, so maybe dating this friend wouldn't be so bad..." Then of course it doesn't work out because I wasn't really attracted to this guy in the beginning. Yours seems to have worked out pretty well though Yes, so far it's working out great! But yeah, I do think it's somewhat unusual, even for me: every other time I have friend-zoned a guy, it has been a permanent status and I have never been interested in considering them as a romantic possibility. I was VERY pooh-pooh about Dan as a dating prospect for the first 3 months, actually. Poor guy - I just wasn't attracted to him physically. Some kind of switch flipped for me, though, in September-October and I finally started noticing what a great person he is, which jump-started the physical attraction. Now we can't keep our hands off of each other.
parmaker14 Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 I do believe love happens when you're not looking for it. 15 years ago I was a 32 year-old bachelor trying to find the love of my life. I got tired of all the same old hang-outs, getting set up by friends, etc. I decided to give all that up and just live as a single guy. I decided to go to church a few weeks later, not to meet a woman but because I wanted to go to Church, I met my wife that day. Our marriage ended in divorce a few months ago but overall we had a good 15 years together.
j_cali_man Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Wow. I am just starting to be able to breathe again and its just been two weeks after a split from a 3 year relationship. I can relate to "me" time and the glimmer of hope things that is nagging me. The NC rule and getting out and staying active is helping even though its tough. Hang in there. The irony about finding love when you are not looking for it is that THIS relationship that ended was just that. She was out of state and everything. Makes me laugh typing this (and ache a little) because people used to "gather 'round" to hear our wild "thin threads" story of how we met. Anyhow, it can and will happen again. Keep your head up. When you are in a better place a few months from now, you'll recognize if the one you lost is worth trying for again or never looking back.. J
bluestraps Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 If I can't get my ex back, 9 weeks now..Im going to start to talk to every woman that I find attractive. When are any of us looking for love . You meet someone and it works or it doesnt.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 I've given up, basically. No one currently, not looking, not interested in looking, and working on finding what makes me happy outside of relationships. I may end up single for the rest of my life, but I'm beginning to not mind it all that much. If it happens, it happens. It won't happen for everyone, and that is just a hard fact of life and I've accepted that. And... here I am four days later, eating my words. I'm still wary though.
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