The Ex's actions AFTER breaking up tells the story and answers all of your questions!

[dollface07]

It’s his actions after breaking up that tells the story. Here is my story:

 

1. He cowardly refused to face my “releasing him” at the critical turning point that night I sent the text

2. He continued to make “small talk” via sms and a couple of phone calls for barely a MAXIMUM of just 9 days after my sms

3. When he began to acknowledge that I was going NC with my final email officially breaking everything he still didn’t respect what I wanted and

4. He tried to send me a “I miss talking to you” sms two days later I told him off for not letting me mourn in peace

5. He didn’t respond even with an apology and we saw each other by chance and talked for a few hours

6. His actions in the talk showed that he was genuinely conflicted/confused regarding his feelings for me and was willing to string me along commensurate with his level of confusion as long as I would accept being pilot tested. He admitted due to his immaturity in our half year together that he never let his heart fully relax and be emotional towards me…. I walked away from that talk once he admitted he didn’t love me, he could not promise that he is willing to work on his emotional void issues and that he releases me from his life…

7. Never once did he call me, contact me he let me suffer in my misery and aloneness for 5 long weeks his actions showed that his attachment feelings for me were non-existent as they were NOT strong enough to make him actively seek me out or win me back despite that he knew I loved him so much.

8. Finally the week after my birthday, he sought me out “by chance” in the library, ER and again in the library…I have no idea why he actually came up to me to inquire how I was doing…but then after taking a look at my face, he ran away cowardly

9. He attempted to smile in hospital and treat a patient in front of me as well as flirt with a fellow colleague of his in front on me in the waiting room

10. Pathetically, he malignly, vindictively and passive aggressively began to openly discuss his residency application to Chicago in front of me and walked in to use the PC next to me and did NOT come up to me this time nor did I observe if he even looked at me while I was talking to a fellow student. I left sml decisively. (His arrogance indicates that he will fall hard and be humbled one day in the future very soon when the loneliness overcomes him in the USA, he will inevitably and finally gain perspective within himself and realize. I know that it takes LOTS of time to realize; these are life lessons we must all learn and experiences)

11. He still has not gone out of his way to call on me, contact me in any way interact with me other than at a distance…(why or how could he if he is still yet to be sufficiently educated on life matters ONLY his impending hard fall will break him and make him even have the potential to feel compelled to attempt to make amends) So his actions prove that any attempt at contact on his part is (up until this point in his relatively predictable life with no experiences to challenge/grow or strengthen any conviction within his character) just a façade of genuine concern and more of an attempt to alleviate his guilt because he can only operate from a low-level consciousness.

12. He actions depicted his own life story that he is incapable of empathy, humanity and genuine love because his life experiences have not adequately prepared him to cultivate these things.

13. He is no longer confused about his feelings, his actions have told the story in this time apart that after everything has been said and done; his feelings for me were and remain SO very insignificant, diminutive and minuscule that they in no way prompted him to genuinely reach out to me and directly sort out the relationship. I read and reviewed the sad and unexpected ending many many times over and over again allowing myself to digest this ending and now I accept what the author has written. I choose to rewrite my own story now erasing accordingly along the way refining and making adjustments as I deem fit so as not to become stuck in that sorrow of the unhappy ending.

14. His actions proved the relationship was not worth effort on his part to maintain. It’s not about his immaturity, his personality defaults; it’s about the result of his actions (intentional or otherwise) of giving me false pretense and false sense of security with a fake idea from the onset of the relationship that we are exclusive, that we have potential, that he would not place time limits or restrictions on the relationship and that I wouldn’t project too far into the future. That we would let everything go naturally. He never had the intention to write this kind of story ever ever ever.

15. His actions told the story many times that he was merely pilot testing me as an experimental girlfriend. But I didn’t want to read that part of the book b/c it was too painful to take in at that moment because it told a story that his was not following through with our agreement, a story about him lying to me when I did nothing to deserve such a dishonorable lie from the onset.

16. His actions of introducing me to everyone and showing me off and never genuinely giving a damn about me as a person depicted his life story of his desperate need to fulfill parts of his own being “socially accepted” inadequacies and I was the target victim to help write this part.

17. His actions of selfishly giving me the false idea/hope that our relationship was making traction and progress, that we held potential together by his investing time and emotions (albeit merely jealously/possessiveness) that gave me a genuine feeling an false sense of security, commitment and love with him tell a story that I have finally been able to re-read many times, digest over a period of 5 weeks and accept that he was in actuality filling the pages of his book with me merely as a time-pass and he was unable to see the bigger picture and read ahead and plot out chapters to write about that we could have gone to the US together, spent the holidays with each other and new years and align ourselves with each other for a happy and successful future.

18. His actions tell a story that was cruel, cowardly, callous, carnal closed-minded & self-interested.

19. My story is told through my brave action to completely withdraw myself from his sick dysfunctional life at that the precise moment I had verbal confirmation of the reality; despite all the uncertainty of what doing so would bring in my life.

20. In this specific relationship story, my actions depicted a sense of control, freedom and autonomy regained in the uncertainty that you bring about for yourself, into your own life, by your own decision when you sever a relationship that is uncertain where the only certain thing is that the man you love does not love you back and in fact loves/respects you SO little that he is willing to reduce you to something so cheapened, devalued and unappreciated as to attempt to reduce you to merely a sexual challenge and “time-pass” instead of a dignified human being who exhibited unconditional love towards him. A woman worthy to be cherished and honored.

21. My story tells that I was convicted enough to realize that it was better for me to remain alone with my dignity and self-respect intact, especially since I was essentially alone in the insecure relationship for that half a year while he was busy keeping me at an emotional distance anyway. I was just too afraid to confront and read those words engraved in stone about my reality with him.

22. My story tells that if was far better to withdraw myself than for all the worthiness I have to offer to just be exploited in an unhealthy arrangement where I was merely considered as a “time-pass” until a woman would come along and fulfill his carnal sexual desires without want of any obligation, accountability or commitment from him.

23. I told this story with my own actions, for my own self-preservation, not to convey anything to him or to increase the likelihood of an epiphany on his part to eventually change the relationship outcome in the future.

24. My actions of suffering all along, crying hopelessly, tell my story of attachment/abandonment issues as a result of my past traumas and early losses at an age where I wasn’t fully equipped to deal with them. That’s all. I am aware of my predisposition to be disproportionately attached/affected to male figures in my life. My heart cries reflected a genuine fear of never obtaining “stability ever after” with a man that truly loves me and who I truly love in return.

25. I sought out through tireless introspection some solace within me to become stronger as an individual woman able to depend ONLY on herself. My actions tell my life story of fearlessness, mistakes and overcoming them. I am resilient and now I can maintain my composure given the harshest circumstances when need be.

26. My actions tell my story of hope and starting over and having a future a real chance of making it on my own. My actions were a rediscovery of all the strength I recognized that I had way back when way way back when before so many other things occurred…now is the time for rediscovery, that’s what it was all about and now I have the real strength to sufficiently begin redesigning my life and myself with all the possibilities these actions and my new story will bring.

27. What next? It will be ALL about MY story, my actions this is the new page finally I turned the key THANK GOODNESS I can begin pushing open that door!

[LexiB]

Good for you! Glad you finally reached that point in this whole coping process where you realize what's been staring you in the face the whole time. It's a hard pill to swallow but it's one that everyone must face at some point if they are to heal. Actions Speak VOLUMES Louder Than Words.