rp123 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I'm approaching 70 days NC. Its been the hardest path I've ever taken. The Desire to Break NC, has a times been immense. However, now I feel so much more in control. Like if I do choose to break NC, it will be calmly, and at a time of my choosing. There will be no panic. No desperation. What I do want though, is for my Ex to to know and see that I am no longer the self humiliating desperate wreck that she left 2 months ago. I've regained some of self respect and dignity, and want to walk past her and for her to know that I am living without her. I've grown. Lost 10kgs. Fitter than I've ever been. Made some new quality friends. Learnt to Tango. Bought a new bed! Will this desire to show that I am becoming OK pass? Will I just move into a indifference? When someone has torn you down, and you feel totally devastated, life seems to be hopeless. However, little by little, day by day, you slowly rebuild yourself. A new self, that has learned the most painful lessons. Is it wrong to want to show your EX. That guess what, I'm still alive... a smile is returning to my face. There is life after you.... I do love myself, and think I'm worth loving. I will be happy again.... Is this just a period before indifference shows up?
Thebob Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 You should be doing these things for you, and not for her. Seems like your trying to validate yourself to her which means your still thinking of her. NC is meant only for you and what's best for you, and only you. It's not meant for you to tell your ex that your doing O.K. now. She will realize that your doing fine just by you not communicating with her. If she wants you back she will contact you, and if she ever does then you can prove yourself. Remember, N.C is for you and only you, you don't need to prove anything to her. Thebob
USMCHokie Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I agree with bob...there is nothing to gain from telling them you're ok...they aren't a part of your life anymore, and you aren't a part of theirs...something like that might even seem like a disguised attempt at getting them back...at least that's how I see it... If she wants you back in her life, she will make it abundantly clear...otherwise, continue doing what you're doing without worrying about what she will think of you...
ditched Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 in my humble opinion, 72 days NC in itself is a great achievement. Maybe you should wait until 90 or 100 days. Then, if you're still feeling this urge, reevaluate your feelings on whether its worth it or not to contact her. I got to about 60 days NC, then blew it and have regretted it ever since. i'm at 48 days now...eff
Author rp123 Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 in my humble opinion, 72 days NC in itself is a great achievement. Maybe you should wait until 90 or 100 days. Then, if you're still feeling this urge, reevaluate your feelings on whether its worth it or not to contact her. I got to about 60 days NC, then blew it and have regretted it ever since. i'm at 48 days now...eff Hi ditched. Curious to know, why you broke NC after 60 days? What response did you get? And did your ex contact you anytime during your 60days NC? Its tough, but everyday (usually..) is a little better. Can't wait to be completely indifferent, and healed........
teanoranges Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Its strange. everyday I feel more and more okay, and the more okay I feel the less I have a need to tell my ex that I am ok. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for upsetting him (about hurting me no less!!!) and that tells me I'm not quite unattached to him. I know once I'm fully moved on, I won't think about him at all. I can feel that day coming, scary but nice.
Thebob Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Like my ex contacted me on my birthday, but I dont count that as breaking NC because I didn't initiate it. Then 3 days later she had a new boyfriend, shows how sweet she is =)
sean1970 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Like my ex contacted me on my birthday, but I dont count that as breaking NC because I didn't initiate it. Then 3 days later she had a new boyfriend, shows how sweet she is =) Did you reply...?
Thebob Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Yes, she just wished me a happy b-day and asked how I was doing. Then I thanked her for the wishes and told her that I am living my life and doing my own thing and left it at that. Nothing more nothing less. Thebob
sean1970 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Yes, she just wished me a happy b-day and asked how I was doing. Then I thanked her for the wishes and told her that I am living my life and doing my own thing and left it at that. Nothing more nothing less. Thebob I have been NC for 35 days today... My birthday is Dec. 30th... Hard to believe she would not text me... Been wondering how to handle it if she does...
Thebob Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Just do what I did. I just told her thanks, and that your just living life and leave it at that. There is nothing else to explain man. I mean it's like she did it to me on purpose by wishing me my birthday then officially being with someone else 3 days later. But I do give her props for having the balls to wish me a birthday, I wouldn't have been shocked if she didn't so obviously she still thinks about me and such a little bit. Thebob
BCCA Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I have been NC for 35 days today... My birthday is Dec. 30th... Hard to believe she would not text me... Been wondering how to handle it if she does... Try not to focus on what youre going to do if she texts you. If she does, cross that bridge when you come to it, but my ex never said a word on my b-day.
sean1970 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Try not to focus on what youre going to do if she texts you. If she does, cross that bridge when you come to it, but my ex never said a word on my b-day. Thanks BCCA, Thebob...
Thebob Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I'm pretty sure I did the right thing though, but who knows.. We'll see when she comes back next summer. Thebob
sean1970 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I'm pretty sure I did the right thing though, but who knows.. We'll see when she comes back next summer. Thebob 'Right thing' by responding?
adamt Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I lasted 5 months of NC then bumped into my ex in bar and we talked for 15 minutes just catching up. Felt strange, it was a moment i had been dreading for months and working on being ready to handle. I kept my calm and didn't say anything stupid. We both felt a bit awkward though. Then the week after she was in my head a lot more and i was going through the conversation and the relationship in my head. Another week later and i was back to the point of 5 months NC. I would be lying if i said i wouldnt have her back, it would solve a lot of problems. However could i fully trust her not to want to leave me again. I dont think i could. I also realise she was becoming selfish in the last few months of the relationship. Didnt communicate with me about issues she had. I'm also actively looking to date women and been on a couple of dates.Although i do feel i'm not really settled in any place at the moment. I just want to be fully over her as soon as possible. but i do stil have bad days when i feel a bit down. the gym is my escape
Thebob Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 'Right thing' by responding? yes, cause we didn't break up on bad terms, just LDR wasn't going to be compatible within our relationship. Thebob
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