I left her.....im a commitment phobe! Now she don't want me back!

[trulyme]

I was dating this really great girl. She always wanted to be exclusive from day one. I on the other hand did not want to settle down and wanted to take things slow. I think women have a tendancy to rush things and act more on lust then true feelings of love. Well, I always kept the pace of the relationship very slow.....but we still continued to have fun together. Dated 7 months.

 

Finally, I started having that loving feeling and she tells me that she is going to leave state for a month to practice her martial arts. I freak-out and think this is a repeat of history (when I start feeling for a girl and tell her I love her, things go in a downward spiral ) and so I break up with her. I was just scared.

 

Well, a few days go past and we begin to talk again and even hang out. Then I see her being a little distant and less affectionate. I said, " I am ready to give it 100% and it seems like you are not". She tells me, You are not going to break up with me and then expect me to be all happy and ready to go at it again with you. I understood this!! I mean I never told her I loved her in 7 months and finally I am ready to........why is she to believe me now? Well, I told her that I will give her some space so she can figure stuff out.

 

I get this email a week later saying that I took her for granted for too long and that she feels I don't deserve a 2nd chance. Also, that she is leaving the state and does not want to be with anyone. I know this girl loved me or she would not have stuck around for so long. I am just not one to rush things with women. Sad to say it but after we broke up I realized that I would rather have her in my life then be a commitment phobic and not have her. Everytime in the past the relationship always ended when love was confessed so early on. So that is why I was scared to tell her.

 

She then calls me that night at 11pm (8 hours after she left the email saying she will not give me anymore chances) and said that she needs closure. When really the email closed the door and she knows that.

 

I really want this girl in my life and I KNOW that she is not with me now because I took things a little to slow for her liking. I seriously see her as wife material but did not want to lose her because I commited to quickly. We never fought, got along great, never broke up and the only thing not in common was me wanting to go slow and her wanting to go fast. This to me seems like something that can be worked on.

Any help?? If she really loved me, would it be to late for a 2nd chance to let me be that hopeless romantic?

Im 23.......she's 24

[hopelesslyinlove]

You know seven months is not that long to wait , I think she may be being a little harsh. I am in a relationship that is going on seven years and he still wont marry me, but i truly love him so I wait eventually I too will get tired and leave. I think you just need to give her time If she loved you once chances are she still does but is afraid that you will hurt her again. Its not easy to deal with that pain. Be Patient see what happens. Good luck

[trulyme]

Everyone around me says that she loved me, they could tell. When I talked to her on the phone she kept repeating, "you should have thought about that before". She seems very hurt. If she is very hurt she must have had some very strong feelings. I almost feel like it is impossible to tell/show her that I am ready to settle down. It seems almost impossible. I know that she needs to leave for a month and everything....and maybe I need to let her cool down. Her anger seems to be clouding how I know she truly feels. I want to see her and talk it out.......but she is just so mad.

[Arabess]

I try not to be critical of the way a couple handles their relationship because each has their own way of communicating. However, I think as long as either one of you break up when things don't go your way or want the other person only when they feel ignored.....it's probably not a good time to enter into a marriage situation regardless.

 

I'm not suggesting you don't love each other or will end up working this out.....but I think you need to address the way each of you respond to the relationship. It's as though you are both sending the WRONG message at the WRONG time.....but never at the SAME time!

 

I bet if you quit calling her....she would call you....and you guys could sit down to talk this thing out. Marriage is about both people being ready to make that step. I don't think you should get married just to 'keep' her. I also don't think she should walk out on you because you aren't ready yet.

[trulyme]

When I said marriage I was talking about later in life. I knew that she was that person. I just did not do the small things so that I could keep her at distance and keep the relationship moving slowly.

[dyermaker]

Are you sure that you really love her and want to settle down with her? Or is that feeling just a reaction to losing her...

[trulyme]

No, I want to be with her. I have known that since I met her. Was just too scared to show it.

I did not think that I found the one. So I did not do the small things to keep her around. She told me that she deserves those. Of course she does. But now I dont want to play games anymore to keep her at bay. I want to give it my all and persue it and see where we can go.