Lizzie60 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 That would be the case since they are just sleeping with you. But when they have to actually be in a relationship with you then it's a very different story. You obviously don't know much about my 'young guys'... but it's OK.. I have a 'complicated' life..
justforfun Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 You obviously don't know much about my 'young guys'... but it's OK.. I have a 'complicated' life.. I was just basing it on what you said. They are lovers not partners and I think that makes a huge difference. I am curious now though to know more.
Author Waitress Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 I disagree. Physical attraction is a huge part of a relationship and cannot be dismissed. And if he's attracted to the whole package then physical attraction is part of that package. What you're saying is that he should be willing to forgo the loose skin and look at the rest of the package. That's not a whole package, that's selling yourself short. Wait until he is waking up next to a woman that looks and is so old compared to him. He'll soon start rethinking the relationship. Wait until he realizes he's lost so many years with this old woman and wants to get out. The breaking point seems to be after 5 years. Not being mean, just being what I see as realistic. Honestly, I think you're projecting your own issues onto my situation. Not trying to be mean, just realistic.
Author Waitress Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 The day will come when you are out in public and someone will think that you are his mother - which would be hard hard hard to take, regardless of your self-esteem. And there won't be a whole lot you can do about it - because you ARE old enough to be his mother and you will look it. Honestly, if this were the case and yet the relationship was great, I'd take it. I've been in situations time after time where we look great together but there's no emotional happiness. People can think what they may, as long as I feel good.
Author Waitress Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 I agree with Waitress. there are lots of young men out there who are tired of the 'drama princesses' .. they want a real woman, who can pull her weight, who is well grounded.. who knows what she wants... who can have a mature, intelligent conversation... (should I go on..)... I can still compete with many younger women.. that I KNOW.. and I am constantly told by my lovers.. I have absolutely no fear on that side. For those who say that 'physical' attraction is 'important' and that if he sees a much attractive woman, he'll drop her.. my response to that is: 'what about the not-so-attractive females' out there who are in a relationship.. with lots of attractive females are around.. the risks are the same.' there are tons of overweight women who have relationships.. so.. obviously 'bodies' are not the essential part ALL the time. I think intelligence and confidence is sexier than any 'body'... but if you have both.. WOW.. sky's the limit.. Waitress... enjoy yourself.. Thanks Lizzie. This is the first time I've enjoyed myself in years. And I don't honestly care if an anonymous person on the Internet disapproves. They make it sound like a crime! Guess when you get to a certain age you're more concerned with feeling good than appearances. At least I'd hope so. It's a definite advantage of age! I do agree that an appeal of older women is the groundedness, lack of drama. Mature, intelligent conversation.
CaliGuy Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Do people here know of instances where a couple with a 20 year age difference were happy together long term? A similar thread shows up once a week here. The real question is how you feel about each other. Age is state of mind and really only becomes an issue if you both are at very dfferent stages of your life. Short answer is yes.
justforfun Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Honestly, if this were the case and yet the relationship was great, I'd take it. I've been in situations time after time where we look great together but there's no emotional happiness. Why does this cliche come up again and again. The fact is that he can find a woman he can look good with and find emotional happiness with. He doesn't have to compromise. People can think what they may, as long as I feel good. Absolutely and I commend you for that. But there is also the undeniable fact that you posted on a public forum inviting response. Not everyone is going to agree with you.
justforfun Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Honestly, I think you're projecting your own issues onto my situation. Not trying to be mean, just realistic. Not trying to be mean either. I'm unsure how you feel that I am projecting my own 'issues'. I'm curious as to what you perceive my issues as being and how I am projecting them onto your situation? I simply said that physical attraction is an important part of the whole package. Why settle for less than the whole package? And 5 years down the line he may well be asking himself the same thing. That's assuming he is even considering anything long term with you. Have you discussed that?
justforfun Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 A similar thread shows up once a week here. The real question is how you feel about each other. Age is state of mind and really only becomes an issue if you both are at very dfferent stages of your life. Short answer is yes. Exactly. With a 20 year age gap I doubt very much they are at the same stage. That I think is the real question. Not whether they are attracted to each other in the hear and now. Unless, of course, it's just a fling or they only intend to be lovers.
justforfun Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Thanks Lizzie. This is the first time I've enjoyed myself in years. And I don't honestly care if an anonymous person on the Internet disapproves. They make it sound like a crime! It's not a crime. I'm sorry that you feel that way. I don't know that anyone here disapproves. They might not say what you want to hear. You can accept the approval of some anonymous person on the internet, but you can't handle an anonymous person on the internet who offers another perspective. In that case I don't think I public forum is the place to be asking this question. You would be better advised by your own head and heart and seek no one's opinion but your own. Not being mean, just offering advice.
Author Waitress Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 A similar thread shows up once a week here. The real question is how you feel about each other. Age is state of mind and really only becomes an issue if you both are at very dfferent stages of your life. Short answer is yes. Thanks for the response. I agree. And I also have answered my original question. I know people where it's worked.
justme2781 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 i love my bf he is 17 years older, we get along grerat and he treats me like gold. His ex wife can be annoying and i am not sure how to deal with he but that can be a problem no matter how old you are. the big issue is kids, my bf said he would have more if i wanted too.
justme2781 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 i would say a 20 yo and a 40 yo thats a little weird but a 30 yo and a 50 yo thats not bad.
Author Waitress Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 It's not a crime. I'm sorry that you feel that way. I don't know that anyone here disapproves. They might not say what you want to hear. You can accept the approval of some anonymous person on the internet, but you can't handle an anonymous person on the internet who offers another perspective. In that case I don't think I public forum is the place to be asking this question. You would be better advised by your own head and heart and seek no one's opinion but your own. Not being mean, just offering advice. Justforfun, wow, I think you're reading way too much into what I've said. I can handle it just fine. But ultimately, I do think I should make up my own mind.
Author Waitress Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 i love my bf he is 17 years older, we get along grerat and he treats me like gold. His ex wife can be annoying and i am not sure how to deal with he but that can be a problem no matter how old you are. the big issue is kids, my bf said he would have more if i wanted too. I would never have thought I'd fall for someone where there's a big age gap but I'm finding more and more stories of people where it works out great. It's not so easy to find someone who you can get along great with, at least it's not been for me. And I think anything can happen in life so when we find a bit of happiness we should take it. I think a lot of times there are problems in any relationship. When it comes to age diffferences there can be issues unique to that situation. But who is really to say what is right or wrong for someone else. Thanks for sharing your opinion and experience.
CaliGuy Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Exactly. With a 20 year age gap I doubt very much they are at the same stage. That I think is the real question. Not whether they are attracted to each other in the hear and now. Unless, of course, it's just a fling or they only intend to be lovers. Keep in mind that there are 20 year olds who are mentally 40 and 40 year olds that are mentally 20. I think a really good fit would be a 20 year old who is mentally 30 and a 40 year old who is mentally 30. In that case, you have two people who are thinking and acting along the same lines. In my case, though I carry the wisdom and knowledge of a 40 year old (because I am 40), I act, look and feel much younger. This is why I normally end up dating women in their 20s. I would date women my age, but they all act and think like 60 year olds. That's not a bad thing, it's just not for me Thanks for the response. I agree. And I also have answered my original question. I know people where it's worked. It CAN work, but it like ANY healthy relationship, it takes work, understanding, commitment and communication. Without these, no relationship will work regardless of the age gap.
dreamergrl Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I'm curious as to what a 40 year old and 20 year old have in common to form a healthy good solid relationship.
Lizzie60 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 (edited) My last ex was 12 1/2 years younger ... he wanted to marry me.. After him .. I had several 'relationships' (dating) with much much younger guys (20+ years difference)... I got emails from one about 2 months ago... he's back in town (he had moved to Toronto, that's why we splitted)... he wanted to see me again.. I said no.. He was cute and we had sooo much fun.. The other one also asked me to take him back about 3 months ago.. he called me several times.. we had a date but I realized I was sooo over him.. I didn't want to see him again. And this one was one of the most beautiful guy I've been with.. a former model.. tall east Indian.. Anyway I posted about them a while back.. (2 different threads)... These were the 'longest' relationships (dating) since I've been single.. both lasted about 2-3 years... at one point.. they 'overlapped'.. It's not about age.. it's about 'chemistry' ... I don't believe in long term more with an age gap than without it.. both are doomed to 'fail' after so many years.. Edited November 18, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
justforfun Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 African-American stud.. we had a wonderful time.. That is so offensive Lizzi that you should feel the need to say that. I wonder how he would feel about you if he knew what you were saying. That's disgraceful.
justforfun Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Sorry Lizzie, this reads to me as you just sleeping around with a succession of young men who are just sexual objects to you and you have no respect for. IMO, that doesn't relate in any way to a long term relationship with someone 20 years your senior. Maybe if you had stayed with any of them in a serious relationship then you would see the difference. My last ex was 12 1/2 years younger ... he wanted to marry me.. After him .. I had several 'relationships' (dating) with much much younger guys (20+ years difference)... I got emails from one about 2 months ago... he's back in town (he had moved to Toronto, that's why we splitted)... he wanted to see me again.. I said no.. He was cute and we had sooo much fun.. African-American stud.. we had a wonderful time.. The other one also asked me to take him back about 3 months ago.. he called me several times.. we had a date but I realized I was sooo over him.. I didn't want to see him again. And this one was one of the most beautiful guy I've been with.. a former model.. tall east Indian.. Anyway I posted about them a while back.. (2 different threads)... These were the 'longest' relationships (dating) since I've been single.. both lasted about 2-3 years... at one point.. they 'overlapped'.. It's not about age.. it's about 'chemistry' ... I don't believe in long term more with an age gap than without it.. both are doomed to 'fail' after so many years..
Boundary Problem Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Keep in mind that there are 20 year olds who are mentally 40 and 40 year olds that are mentally 20. I think a really good fit would be a 20 year old who is mentally 30 and a 40 year old who is mentally 30. In that case, you have two people who are thinking and acting along the same lines. Two words: Pre nup
justforfun Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 Two words: Pre nup :laugh::laugh::lmao::laugh: Now that's something they should have in common!
Dexter Morgan Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 i love my bf he is 17 years older, we get along grerat and he treats me like gold. His ex wife can be annoying and i am not sure how to deal with he but that can be a problem no matter how old you are. the big issue is kids, my bf said he would have more if i wanted too. 17 years eh? Hmmm...just wait til he is 60 and you are still 43. you may not think it makes a difference now, but when you wake up and realize you are sleeping with a gramps.....I don't think you'll be real attracted to the sagging ass and nutsack. thats why I am looking for someone my age or close to it. I want someone I can grow old with and not worry about them better dealing me in 20 some years when I start looking like my grandpa.
justforfun Posted November 18, 2009 Posted November 18, 2009 17 years eh? Hmmm...just wait til he is 60 and you are still 43. you may not think it makes a difference now, but when you wake up and realize you are sleeping with a gramps.....I don't think you'll be real attracted to the sagging ass and nutsack. :laugh::laugh: And that's exactly how it ends up!!
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