Limbo21 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Hi everyone. I'm back still feeling broken, upset & confussed. I really need some words of comfort & advice I've posted a few threads on here but to recap ... I've been with my (ex) GF since march-ish 2007. She is married and is a Christian. Her husband cheated on in their 10 year marriage and it never repaired itself. She left her husband for me & we've been together for about 18mnths. She became a little depressed as she moved 150 miles leaving her friends & family & felt the need to re-connected with her faith, she also got a job as church admin a few mnths ago. * I don't seemed to have mentioned how much I love her & I feel she loves me. There's no question about that in my mind. Anyway we broke up because she couldn't be with me whilst she was still married & wanted to divorce first. I was upset and looked into the scriptures in regards to marriage and Christianity (I'm agnostic) & of course she's right. I recieved some great advice on here & initiated nc for exactly 26 days ... In that time I would get calls from her daily, texts and a few emails. I also recieved a hand posted card & a bunch of flowers? I managed to abstain not only from replying but also reading them (what strength eh lol) truth be told I just couldnt risk further heartbreak. I asked a family member to read the messages and she told me that she wanted me back ... The pertinent email is below "I wish I had the time and privacy to write what I want to write! However I think I'll have my work cut out quite a bit this week with this new puppy!! She's absolutely adorable, you'd love her!! Her name being Molly, hence the email address:) I have text, and emailed you, yet no response?? * I guess all I want to say is I really, really miss you. I feel like I've really lost a good friend, a soul mate, a companion. I've had numerous dreams this week, with you in! I'm writing this, as it is the beginning of November and that's when we made our little pact. I do want you back in my life, yet feel I can't until I am no longer legally bound to someone else. * I am still hurting from some of the stuff that was written. However putting that all a side. I really enjoy your company, being with you. I think we're good for eachother, if you could promise to be honest to me. I want you Richard. * I'm not expecting a reply, all I ask is you reply by writing test, so that I know you have received it. Otherwise I'll have to print it and send it to you:) * Miss you, and would really love to see you. * Love * Amyxxx" So I got back intouch. We spoke and we arranged to see each other. The passion and chemistry was still as strong as it was 18 mnths ago She can't file for divorce as 2 years has to expire (other than citing reasons, living apart for 2 years is the route they are going to take) She also hasn't told her husband she is back intouch with me. He is being posted to afghanistan is feb for 6 mnths & she claims she doesn't know if it's best to leave breaking his heart further till he comes back. Just for the record he wants her back but only for the sake of the kids ... She absolutely doesn't want him back My prediciment is do I keep in touch knowing she can't give herself to me till after she is divorced (at least 6 mnths) and grab the time we have together or go nc and only start to talk after she is divorced? Maybe you guys will read it differently but I feel she has done all she can to get me back & claim her love for me but maybe I'm missing something. It seems her religion, marriage & not telling her husband (who knows of me but thinks we lost contact in the 26 days nc and haven't got back in touch since) seem to be the stumbling blocks - not the lack of love and feelings we have for each other. She knows I'm strong enough to walk away and she is hanging on with dear life. Thanks for reading (she's just called and I ignored btw) and sorry for the length, spelling and grammar. I only have Internet access on my phone Pls help with advice of similar stories Thankyou dearly
Ronni_W Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Limbo, The situation sucks and is complicated...but you know that already. I think. It sounds as if you two are going to be together at the end of it all. So I really can't make a case for some half-baked, "pretend" N/C -- what would be the point or purpose? To whom would you be trying to prove what? I'd almost guarantee that you'll get many suggestions to "stay n/c until she's free and banging on your door" -- but is that what YOU would want? If YOU can see a purpose or point to that, then go N/C. By all means. Otherwise, take the pleasures when and how and if Life sees fit to present to you. It will be difficult, of course, but it's not impossible for you two to be able to support, comfort and inspire each other even with the challenges. Hugs, and best of luck.
Author Limbo21 Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 (edited) Ronni, your message is much appreciated. If you look at my past posts I've said a personal thankyou to you several times because as always your advice is thought through and heartfelt. I don't say this lightly but I would do anything for this girl. I've ignored, implimented NC and tried to move on but it seems neither of us can. It's something I feel I need to fight for & live with the consequences once again thanks Ronni, and thanks for the hug Edited November 16, 2009 by Limbo21
Lishy Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Fight for it! Do what you want to here! If you want to talk kto her and wiat 6 months then do it! If you dont want to talk to her until she is divorced then do it! You obviously love each other so ask yourself ... Is she worth it? You will find your own answers .... I know it!
Ronni_W Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 You're most welcome, Limbo. I'm glad if/when I do add something useful. And hugs are always available...so just let me know when you need some It's something I feel I need to fight for & live with the consequences Maybe I missed it, but I'm not even seeing where you need to "fight" -- seems more like it is right there and you just need to ACCEPT what is being offered, and LOOK FORWARD to the REWARDS. Not that there aren't challenges...but those fare better with patience, understanding, empathy, forgiving, acceptance, more patience, etc. -- the opposite of "fighting" and resisting, yes? In her email, she did mention about wanting/needing honesty from you, so I'd strongly urge you to give her that...on top of all the other good stuff, of course. Best of luck to both of you...it's right there! It's a precious thing...treat it gently and with kindness
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