aya Posted December 11, 2003 Posted December 11, 2003 My boyfriend of almost 1 year, is nice person who is successful in professional life. I love him very much. He has gone through one divorce because of his ex-wife's affair. May be this triggered his insecurity, but I am a bit annoyed by him nowadays. He is so nervous about every single mood fluctuation of me - granted I can be moody sometimes, I learned how to hide my mood as I don't want to deal with his "what's wrong?" attack. He wants to know my friend's name, who she/he is, etc. Of course he is very nervous that I am still friends with two of my exboyfriends, one of which, by the way, recently moved in town. When I was talking to him about my friend who recently got engaged, he goes "how come I haven't heard from her?" And gets insecured. As he gets very nervous, I stopped seeing one of my exboyfriend alone. And he has very high sex drive, and sometimes I have to reject him which makes him very upset. He is very sensitive, and if I criticized him even in the mildest manner with his attitude towards his boss, he gets hurt and mentions about it for a week. I am sorry for complaining so much. I just felt like I have to let these emotions go. Give me your thoughts! It this normal?
dlb311 Posted December 11, 2003 Posted December 11, 2003 he may have some issues. Maybe he should seek counseling? I have felt that way before maybe he feels he is losing you and maybe he is if you are posting on here. people have good intuition? Anyway I would just try to let him know that his axiety is getting to you and pushing you away a bite. You love him but you need him to be secure with it all. if he doesn't calm down I am not sure. I think if you end up leaving because you feel suficated you will later regret because you love him. but I would try to talk to him gently and see if that helps it at all. I think I may have done the same sorta thing to my ex. he left 4 months ago. but the truth is time will only tell are you feeling you can't take it anymore. Or you are trying to fix it before it gets that far. be truthful talking things out only make the relationship stronger.
dyermaker Posted December 11, 2003 Posted December 11, 2003 His "what's wrong" attack is bothering you. If you love him as much as you think you do, you'll communicate this to him. You: Listen, Steve, I love you, but I'm an independent person who is fully capable of handling her own emotions, and sometimes you make it worse when you try to address them. I hope that you can trust me to let you know if I want to talk about them. That's a great line. It lets him know: 1. That you don't like it. 2. That he isn't helping. 3. "I hope that you can trust me to let you know if I want to talk about them."! It's crucial that you say that, because it puts the responsibility on him. He just wants to help you, and if you put this burden on him, that he has to bite his tongue and trust you, he'll feel like he's doing something for you. Both of your emotional needs are fulfilled (Note, Please say exactly as above, but within reason--Only say 'Steve' if his name is indeed, Steve) As for the ex-boyfriend thing, I hate to say some advice that you're obviously not going to follow, but drop it. That would make me nervous/jealous too, because you had an emotional/physical connection to this guy, and you continue to see him. To his eyes (and mine really) you continuing to see him is a continuation of that connection, no matter how innocent it may seem to you. I'm not saying you have to hate the guy, but don't hang out with him alone, it's inappropriate. And, another thing, he should NOT be whining to you if you criticize him. Make it clear to him that you criticize because you love him, and when he acts like a twelve year old girl, it only makes you not want to communicate with him. And when you don't communicate, things fester, and when things fester, it eats away at your relationship. Buena Suerte
guest Posted December 11, 2003 Posted December 11, 2003 i think you should be respectful of his feelings. i think its highly inappropriate to hang out with an ex, alone. maybe he just needs more from you or maybe you two shouldnt be together. my ex used to be like that- would get upset at any thought of criticism.....if you cant handle him just as i couldnt handle my ex of two years- run! get out!
monkey00 Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 dump him, just that simple sounds to me like he still has his own problems/insecurities to solve before he is ready for a relationship. if you cant build trust in another person what kind of relationship would that be...? i can tell you, one thats coming to a stop sounds to me he's being clingy and nosey, making him annoying to be around = paranoid. paranoid people are the worst to be around with
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