Bobbe Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 This may sound strange but I was catching up on some work 2 hours ago, totaly not thinking about my ex but focussed on my work. Suddenly I have this strange feeling that something is wrong with my ex. I've never had this feeling before. Call it gut feeling or presentiment or whatever.. It's freaking me out. Now I'm thinking all kinds of bad things, that she had a car accident or felt from the stairs or other bad things.. I'm at 2 weeks of NC now and I really don't wanna break it, she asked for time and I want to give it. But I want to know if everything is allright. WHAT TO DO ?????? Should I text? Should I call? Should I go to her work? (she works on sunday) I'm really anxious right now. I don't want to break NC but I want to be sure she's okay.
Ronni_W Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Hugs, Bobbe. How do you feel about comforting yourself with the knowledge that, *IF* (BIG if) there is something going on with her, she is being taken care of by others. *IF* (BIG if) she will want or need your help or support, she surely will be in touch with you. Right now, the "something wrong" only exists in your own mind. You can use that same mind to change the direction of those catastrophic thoughts, and manage your subsequent actions. It's not always easy to do, but you do have the power to do it.
Author Bobbe Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 o be fair, when we were still togehter. I sometimes thought something happened when she didn't return a text or a call for a very long time. Nothing ever happened but I always had this fear. But I've never had this feeling out of the blue, it was always because of no response for a long time. So maybe it is my head, I need to relax. This has always been one of my biggest fears, that something would happen to her and I wouldn't know. In essence, I worry that she will die and I won't be there to say goodbye.
Ronni_W Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 In essence, I worry that she will die and I won't be there to say goodbye. Bobbe, that's a valid fear...but also...that is most likely what will happen, yes? She's your ex. And sometimes it even happens with a spouse, or child, or parent, or very dear friend. People die even if we're not there to say goodbye. It's a fact of life so living in fear of it becomes, well, a waste of energy that we could be spending on more inspirational and noble thoughts and actions. As for saying a "proper and permanent" goodbye to your ex, I would suggest to find a way to do that. Some type of ritual, something so that the fear won't continue to haunt you into states of high anxiety. There are also books on death and dying, which may offer some...insight or understanding or acceptance. Best of luck. Death is a difficult thing with which to come to terms. For sure!
CarrieT Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I totally get what you are feeling; a full YEAR after my Ex and I broke up, I started having really violent nightmares about him. To the extent that I wrote his mother to ask if everything was okay. It turned out that he was in the beginning process of going through rehab and just confirmed to me what a psychic connection we really had. Every now and then (19 months after the break-up), I still have pretty scary dreams about him and -- yes -- within a few days, I learn through mutual friends that the Ex is going through some pretty rough times. But I maintain NC even though I know he is going through hell. There is no good that can come out of me trying to connect with him. I can help him now as I couldn't help him then.
Author Bobbe Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Hmm yes well, we broke up 6 weeks ago and it was a very amicable break-up. She just needs time to process everything (as do I but I didn't realise that in the beginning) but I'm sure we'll talk again as friends given enough time has passed. I don't know if I should ask if everything is ok? I would break NC, I don't think it would set me back but even so that would be a small price to pay if I know she's okay. I don't know what to do, maybe it's nothing. Maybe I'm imagining things?
Ronni_W Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I don't know if I should ask if everything is ok? I would break NC, I don't think it would set me back It may not set YOU back but it may set her back. As well, it would show that you don't care about / disrespect her request that you give her some time. Let HER decide when the time that she wants or needs is up. Basically, it is not just your own needs and 'price to pay' that ought to be considered. Since you mentioned that you habitually experience these kinds of thoughts that turned out to be inaccurate...based on that, yes, it is possible that this could be the anxious part of your imagination working overtime.
Author Bobbe Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 I never thought about it like that. You're right! It would be selfish of me to possibly upset her and set her back so I can feel better. Wow, thanks for making me realise this! I still hope nothing happened!
Ronni_W Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Me, too, Bobbe -- I also hope nothing bad happened to her. Probably not...most likely. She's most likely just perfectly fine. Hugs.
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