Cougarnb Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I just hate it in life when a problem pops up that has no acceptable solution. My wife is a gorgeous woman and I truly felt it was the best day of my life when I proposed and she said yes. She had been married previously and when I asked about the breakup she told me they just drifted apart and fell out of love. I knew very little about marital relationships so I never really questioned her response. So in my mind we were set for happily ever after. Much to my delight she wanted a child early on and we were blessed with twin boys. So we had our family in just one attempt. We both agreed for her to have her tubes tied. She went back to work after her leave with the boys and her entire attitude changed, about me, the boys, everything. Suddenly she was out with friends at the office, out with the girls, etc, anything to get out of the house. According to her she needed adult conversation and an escape from being mommy all the time. And in addition she was suddenly ALWAYS late. It didn’t matter what she did, shopping with a girlfriend, over to her Mom’s after work, whatever, she was ALWAYS late So my beautiful wife had changed. God the pressure and emotional pain I felt when I pretty much realized she was f#$%ing around. It was like someone placed a marble slab on top of me. I felt terrible snooping but I honestly felt as her husband I was entitled to find out the score. So I started checking, cell phone, panties, vehicle, pocketbook, put a recorder on our home phone, everything. I even initiated sex once when she came in late after being out with the girls. And yes, she was slick as owl sh*t! I was getting serious about checking out the repetitive numbers in her cell phone when suddenly I had her. I found condoms under the driver’s seat of her vehicle. I confronted her with everything and she admitted she was seeing someone. She apologized for the hurt and pain she had created and told me we would do anything I wanted, from counseling to a divorce. Counseling went well, no repetitive numbers on her cell phone and sex actually started getting better and more frequent. I was greatly encouraged and felt like we would get past all the pain and grief. She seemed to be doing exactly as I had asked; no contact with her lover. I admit I was still concerned but I felt things were getting better daily. I still had a recorder on the home phone and intercepted a call between her and one of her friends talking about her first marriage. She and her EX didn’t fall out of love. She cheated. And the second time he caught her, they divorced. Suddenly I had a concrete answer. She was a serial cheater. At least during the conversation she told the GF she wasn’t currently seeing anyone. That was a relief. Suddenly it was clear to me and my heart sank, “She would f*&k around again.” Too bad most of her friends use her cell phone. She just has the one that calls her on the home line I watched, I waited and it was even more painful than before. She came in at 3:50am looking like she had been rode hard and put up wet. She wouldn’t even argue with me. She told me we needed to talk but she was too tired now and went straight to the guest bedroom. So we talked the next evening. She wasn’t even denying anything this time. She said she “needed space for a while to find herself.” I think that meant she would continue f$%^ing her lover for a while and she needed time to see how it would work out. How long? I have no idea. Where does that leave us? I have no idea. But it is 100% certain now. There will always be an OM in her life. I live in a no fault state. I have a huge mortgage and two young children. I do not have money for a PI. Believe me I wish I did. I would nail her butt to the wall. The options I see are living in a crummy apartment and being a part time dad to my two boys, or continuing to live with my now Wh$%e of a wife until she determines if things will work out with her and her latest swinging Di*k. If things do work out for them I’m certain she’ll divorce me so fast it will make my head swim. So as I stated above I have a problem for which there is no acceptable solution.
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Ouch..It sounds like she isn't marriage material and it's too bad SHE didn't work on fixing herself before she married you..Hense the once a cheater, always a cheater saying.. Start a journal and get proof of everything. If possible, talk to her exH too. Get a lawyer, protect yourself too. This D doesn't have to go nasty, it could be that it's just best that she isn't anyone's wife since she can't stay faithful. Sucks for your kids.. Anyway, put them first and detach from her. Right now she isn't interested in hearing what you have to say. She's only thinking of herself. Sorry you're hurting.
DNU1 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 First, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE OR YOUR CHILDREN! Ask her to leave. Ask her to move out even if temporary. Stay in the house with your kids and get an atty, FAST! She has been out messing around. You have done nothing wrong. Talk to an atty soon! Repeat, do not leave your house! NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE! NEVER LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN! She will use that against you in court if you do leave. Don't kick her out, just ask her to leave. You CAN use that against her in court. DO NOT LEAVE!
schewter Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Feel bad for your situation man but gotta say not only does this woman not sound like "wife" material she doesn't sound like "mother" material either...i.e. needing "adult conversation" and "anything to be out of the house" etc. How is she with the kids overall? Any leverage there?
Spark1111 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 They say, "Once a cheater, always a cheater"..... They say, "The best indication of future behavior is past behavior".... I prefer, "Wherver you go....There you are." In other words, your wife is deeply broken and insecure. She looks for validation from others, for what should come within. Do you love her? How hard is she willing to work to change herself? If not, then you have some great advice from men who have been through this. Protect yourself, your finances and your children first! I wish you peace!
Bryanp Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 You realize of course that you are putting your health at risk for STD's if you are intimate with her? What kind of a life is this? If and when she stops screwing this lover then she will find another lover. She is a serial cheater and could care less about you. What is the point of staying married to a woman who would continually disrespect and humiliate you in such a manner. My friend you have been had.
Author Cougarnb Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Ouch..It sounds like she isn't marriage material and it's too bad SHE didn't work on fixing herself before she married you..Hense the once a cheater, always a cheater saying.. Start a journal and get proof of everything. If possible, talk to her exH too. Get a lawyer, protect yourself too. This D doesn't have to go nasty, it could be that it's just best that she isn't anyone's wife since she can't stay faithful. Sucks for your kids.. Anyway, put them first and detach from her. Right now she isn't interested in hearing what you have to say. She's only thinking of herself. Sorry you're hurting. I think she proves the point, once a cheater, always a cheater. I have a journal, I need to go ahead and get an attorney. It does suck for my boys, me as well. She has become totally self-absorbed. Thanks.
Author Cougarnb Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 First, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE OR YOUR CHILDREN! Ask her to leave. Ask her to move out even if temporary. Stay in the house with your kids and get an atty, FAST! She has been out messing around. You have done nothing wrong. Talk to an atty soon! Repeat, do not leave your house! NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE! NEVER LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN! She will use that against you in court if you do leave. Don't kick her out, just ask her to leave. You CAN use that against her in court. DO NOT LEAVE! Thanks for the advice. Now this is an interesting idea. She's been in the guest bedroom. I'll see if I can get her to move out. Stay with one of her Sl*t girlfriends or even better, move in with her lover. Now I know she would love that. That's probably whats she planning anyway.
Author Cougarnb Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Feel bad for your situation man but gotta say not only does this woman not sound like "wife" material she doesn't sound like "mother" material either...i.e. needing "adult conversation" and "anything to be out of the house" etc. How is she with the kids overall? Any leverage there? Actually she's a decent Mom. No comparison to my Mom but then my Mom wasn't out getting f*&ked at all hours. You're right, lousy comments about needing adult conversation and getting out of the house. Especially in light of the fact she wasn't after conversation at all.
Author Cougarnb Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 They say, "Once a cheater, always a cheater"..... They say, "The best indication of future behavior is past behavior".... I prefer, "Wherver you go....There you are." In other words, your wife is deeply broken and insecure. She looks for validation from others, for what should come within. Do you love her? How hard is she willing to work to change herself? If not, then you have some great advice from men who have been through this. Protect yourself, your finances and your children first! I wish you peace! "The best indication of future behavior is past behavior"....Excellent quote and so true in my wife's case. Yes I love her but at this point I'm throwing in the towel. I'll not waste another minute of my time on our marriage. It's like pouring sand in a rat hole, just no end to it. Never been here before, but I would guess she'll never change. I think she's truly sorry she has hurt me, but then I really don't think she realizes the extent of the damage she has done. I honestly think for her affairs are a just another part of life.
Author Cougarnb Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 You realize of course that you are putting your health at risk for STD's if you are intimate with her? What kind of a life is this? If and when she stops screwing this lover then she will find another lover. She is a serial cheater and could care less about you. What is the point of staying married to a woman who would continually disrespect and humiliate you in such a manner. My friend you have been had. I hope she's smart enough to continue using condoms. Who knows? And you're so right. If and when she's gets over her lover I would guess she'll fill the vacancy quickly. I think she loves me, but in an imperfect way. And her love is certainly not at a satisfactory level. So yes, I threw it all away for damaged goods when I married her. It will be one of the toughest things I ever done but there is no resolution other than divorce.
JaneInVegas Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Don't bother staying with her. Every day you spend being married to her is another day of your life WASTED. Don't bother with counseling, or therapy, or listening to her whine about how she knows she screwed up ... just end it. But also, GO GET CHECKED FOR STD's. Pronto.
mark982 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 do you know who these other men are? if married,tell their wives. and seperate all financies,why should you pay for her hosing other men? write down EVERYTHING no matter how small you think it is. best thing you can do is rid yourself of this woman,and have her pay you cs.
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