plowman Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Hey all been lurking for a while trying to learn about this new club that I never wanted to join. As for my story married 16 yrs 3 kids 11- 14 she stayed home until 4yrs ago, when she started subbing in their elementary school. now she works as a teachers aide in same school. 6 weeks ago she tells me "Im done " cant take your "issues" any more I try to reason, plead, whatever, it does no good she will not give me a scintilla of hope.She tells me there is someone she is "talking to" and if she didnt tell me when she did she was thinking of it going further. so I find her a nice affordable apt. close by. I keep my 2 older boys who want to be with me she keeps my daughter. I tell her I think thjis could be good for us to start anew(weve talked like never before ).BUT I tell her I dont think it would help if she keeps talking to this guy.She says this way she will know what she wants. So like an idiot I just chill and lo and behold things this with this guy cool off she says it was not what she thought. about this time she starts to give me hope, says in time we could work on things. I have to add here during this time I start seeing a counselor, go on meds ( which help greatly for my anxiety) and really working on myself. Im on cloud nine, but again I say we need to not cloud things by seeing or "talking" to other people. This she will not budge on, she says shes not looking but that if some one asks her out she might say yes. WTF is that, you either are, or are not "working on things" I feel like I should telll her forget it what do you think is there any hope?
mark982 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 she's tring to keep you on the back burner. her first affair(yes it was a affair,don't let her lies fool you)didn't work out. so now she's looking for another,while being polite about it. i'd go nc on her and start making her pay you child support,seeing how you have 2 of the kids.
hopesndreams Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 16 years, 3 kids, hoping your W will snap out of it. You gave her permission the 1st time round when she wanted to try out another guy for size. He didn't quite fit for her and she is out on the prowl once again, all the while, keeping you where she wants you, just in case. It's time to stop being used however way she feels like using you. She's knows you're a pushover now especially after helping her find her nice, new apartment. You felt like you were doing the right thing but in the end it made you a doormat in her eyes and she now has zero respect for you. It's over plowman. The sooner you accept the sooner you move on, without her. Let go of that last bit of hope, for your own sanity.
Author plowman Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Thanks Mark and hopes and D Im afraid you`re right, and I guess i really knew that.But its so hard to be the one who says its really over, and its only been 7 weeks. how can she throw it all away for someone she doesn`t even know yet? How can she be not ready to work on us but be open to someone "asking her out" what is with these women today,is there some secret website where they talk about how great their lives will be if they just find "the one"
hopesndreams Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 She's looking for greener grass. She won't find it though. There is something wrong inside her that you can't fix. She needs to want you, the M, the kids, but all she wants is someone else thinking that that would be the answers to all her problems. She might wake up one day and realize all she has thrown away but by then, you would have moved on.
Cranialrupture Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I know its going to be hard as hell and will take awhile to finally get it. But she is only keeping you around as a safety net, a back-up plan. How can she throw it all away? I am still wondering the same thing with my stbxw. It boggles my mind that she could walk out on the family and hurt the kids so bad and not even give anything a try. No counseling, nothing. Its frustrating. The best you can do is focus on yourself and do the best you can for yourself. I would not talk with her about anything but the kids and keep those conversations short and polite. Go as much NC as possible. You can preach to her till your blue in the face, but the problem is in her, not you. She needs to come to realization that something is wrong with herself before any counseling or reconciliation can happen. Just keep moving forward because as hard as it is, she may never realize that.
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