stillafool Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I notice a lot of people who are involved in breakups tend to talk badly about their exes new lover. I hear guys say things like the new guy is a loser and he is going no where with his life and I hear girls say things like their exes new girl isn't his type and isn't pretty. I just want to tell you guys that I don't think this type of attitude is helping you heal. You must realize that your exes are obviously attracted to these people for a reason and whatever the reason it is enough to make them want to be with that new person. You guys don't know these people intimately the way your exes do and it really is none of your business what they see in them. I think it would aid more in your healing process to forgive your exes and wish them the best with whomever they chose to spend their time. This way you can release all negative energy and open yourselves up to the new love that is surely going to come your way.
GrayClouds Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I notice a lot of people who are involved in breakups tend to talk badly about their exes new lover. I hear guys say things like the new guy is a loser and he is going no where with his life and I hear girls say things like their exes new girl isn't his type and isn't pretty. I just want to tell you guys that I don't think this type of attitude is helping you heal. You must realize that your exes are obviously attracted to these people for a reason and whatever the reason it is enough to make them want to be with that new person. You guys don't know these people intimately the way your exes do and it really is none of your business what they see in them. I think it would aid more in your healing process to forgive your exes and wish them the best with whomever they chose to spend their time. This way you can release all negative energy and open yourselves up to the new love that is surely going to come your way. You sound as if you have experience with being the "other". The anger is natural but I do agree it is misdirected. If an ex does hook up quickly with someone else it does show a disrespect for the relationship but this is about the ex not the person they are with, unless it is cheating. But to wish them the best with the new one take a huge amount of forgiveness. It really also depends how the break up happened, if it was done respectful or not.
Author stillafool Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 You sound as if you have experience with being the "other". The anger is natural but I do agree it is misdirected. If an ex does hook up quickly with someone else it does show a disrespect for the relationship but this is about the ex not the person they are with, unless it is cheating. But to wish them the best with the new one take a huge amount of forgiveness. It really also depends how the break up happened, if it was done respectful or not. I have been on both sides of the fence. I just found it more helpful when I was the one left for someone else to not get caught up in talking and thinking negatively about the "new" person. You are right in that it depends on why you broke up (say he left you for a friend of yours, then that's just rotten.) But, if you and your lover broke up and they go on to date a new person why trash the new person? It isn't their fault.
Lamak Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I agree that you shouldn't be angry with the new person, because they probably don't want to hurt you or anything. (Unless it's cheating) At the same time I do think it's alright to feel anger towards your ex for what they did to you. The key thing is that you don't dwell on it and let it ruin your life.
Author stillafool Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 Yes I agree be angry with the ex at first but after a while forgive them. This was the only thing that really helped me move on. I wouldn't call them up and tell them I forgive them but in my heart and mind I would forgive. Forgiveness was more for me than him. When I said I wish him the best and meant it, good things started happening immediately in my life. There was a certain freedom that came into my heart. I know I sound strange but I just wanted to pass this information on in hopes it will help someone. Years ago when I was in a breakup and felt like I wanted to die someone told me this and it helped me.
LovelyDaze Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I have learned that myself along the way. My ex's new fiancee' is with him now. For whatever reason he chose her, HE CHOSE HER. I tried to add up all the pros and cons and of course saw more cons, it is just irrelevant at this point. A month after my latest breakup I am learning to feel sorry for her more than be jealous and angry with her at all. My ex slips innuendos about us sexually, tells me about their troubles and still tries to keep contact even as I am doing great at NC on my end. I KNOW i can't go back to a guy who leaves me on a dime for something new. What makes his fiancee' think he won't do it to her? What makes me think that if we got back together, he wouldn't do it to me AGAIN? I'm moving on...finally.
teanoranges Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I am soo the opposite of this. I spent weeks wondering why she was better than me, beating myself up. Now I'm pretty indifferent. I had a curiosity to know who she was but now it doesn't matter. I was somewhat mad, but not harsh with him.
Author stillafool Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 I am soo the opposite of this. I spent weeks wondering why she was better than me, beating myself up. Now I'm pretty indifferent. I had a curiosity to know who she was but now it doesn't matter. I was somewhat mad, but not harsh with him. I see this as normal. We are all human but after a while you do have to let it go and you will become indifferent.
USMCHokie Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I hear guys say things like the new guy is a loser and he is going no where with his life and I hear girls say things like their exes new girl isn't his type and isn't pretty. And sometimes this is actually objectively true...and any reasonable person other than the ex would see it and agree that the ex downgraded for whatever reason...but over time, the anger turns to pity...and you start to feel bad for your ex...
nobleguy Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 It's strange. I hate my ex's new bloke because he spent two years picking away at our relationship on FB. She told me about him but then told me she was thinking about us sorting out our differences. Shows how much he means to her really. Which makes it hurt even more, knowing she is with someone else purely for the sake of it - and he was essentially 4th choice out of 4 blokes on FB I used to worry about most. Crazy world this is...
Author stillafool Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 And sometimes this is actually objectively true...and any reasonable person other than the ex would see it and agree that the ex downgraded for whatever reason...but over time, the anger turns to pity...and you start to feel bad for your ex... Well in my case the girl he chose was (I felt) prettier than me and certainly better educated at the time. I had to be honest with myself and it hurt like hell.
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