NC for 4 days then the nasty texts begin - a warning to you all!?!

[let'shaveitright]

After really getting lots of support and courage on here I finally managed nc with mm. We had a row on Tuesday and mutually agreed it was over, or so I thought...

On day 2 he began calling but I just didn't pick up - simple. Day 3 the same. Later on day 3 he sends a text 'being blanked hurts but so be it.x' followed by another call.

On day 4 I felt like he deserved an explanation and sent him a text 'I could justify what we were doing when I truly believed we were destined to be together but now that delusion has been quashed. It is wrong and I want no further part in it'. Lots of abusive texts followed..... then I sent him a text asking him to stop, that I had never been unkind to him and I wished him no harm. I got one more back from him.

I have two points here

1. I am so shocked at his abuse. We have never communicated in that way. How can someone who only 4 days before be full of loving words and actions, now say really nasty and hurtful things?

2. My second point is the cautionary tale.

It was me who made contact on the 4th day after telling myself I was on NC. I felt the need to explain and justify - I basically wanted to rescue him from his pain if you like. Its like reacting to a child who is having a tantrum for attention. We can't rescue people from their own pain and if I had stuck to my guns and left him to go through what he had to go through I would be ok. Instead, i am the one who is now left bewildered and hurting because of what he said. I gave him my power back!

Well, at least now I have seen his true colours and any future that may have been there for us if we ever did meet each other as single people is shot to pieces. I am really hurt at his reaction but I will move on. As long as I don't react and respond to him one day at a time

[jennie-jennie]

On day 4 I felt like he deserved an explanation and sent him a text 'I could justify what we were doing when I truly believed we were destined to be together but now that delusion has been quashed. It is wrong and I want no further part in it'. Lots of abusive texts followed..... then I sent him a text asking him to stop, that I had never been unkind to him and I wished him no harm. I got one more back from him.

 

Your text quoted above is very well phrased and right to the core of how many of us OW feel.

[jj33]

You seem to have a good understanding of it. He is in pain. And he is acting out because he has lost you.

[whichwayisup]

Don't try to rescue him anymore..He's a big boy and knows the drill. He knows why the A has had to end, as do you..

 

Stay strong, get that control back and start your healing process. Don't look back! Block him, delete his email, change your cell number if need be. Cut ALL ways of contact.

[let'shaveitright]

thanks for your messages of support, now on day 5 and no calls from him and this time I am grateful. In the past when we, or should I say 'I', tried NC I would be furious if he didn't try to win me back - now I'm just relieved.

Jeanie - its strange how I only got to the point of feeling that way after so much pain. Its something that is blindingly obvious to most of us and yet no-one can tell us. For me, its only my experience in recovery from drugs that has given me the insight and strength to ask what that pain is about, see the affair for what it was - a dream, a delusion, an addiction. I have faith that I will learn from this and be able to fill the void I feel in myself with loving things for myself, to expect another human to be responsible for that was where I went wrong. Thank god it didn't get to the point where an entire family was destroyed. Love to you all x