Hearts and Stars Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Well tonight my husband went out with his buddy's and it is almost 2 in the morning and he still no home...I finally decided to give him that space that he needs...man time... but I cannot sleep with him being out so late...I figured they would be back by a least 12 or 1 but not im starting to get pissed...Should i be mad...Im hear with our 2year old, pregnant and cant sleep...any suggestions...
Miad's Princess Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Why are you mad? Did he tell you he would be home by a certain time? If yes then I understand you being bothered (cose he should have called to say he would be home later than planned) BUT If he didn't then I don't think 2am is late enough to get mad over. As you said you are giving him his man time, but you seem to want to control it a little also. Try not to worry or be angry.
Lizzie60 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Well tonight my husband went out with his buddy's and it is almost 2 in the morning and he still no home...I finally decided to give him that space that he needs...man time... but I cannot sleep with him being out so late...I figured they would be back by a least 12 or 1 but not im starting to get pissed...Should i be mad...Im hear with our 2year old, pregnant and cant sleep...any suggestions... I know.. I know.. I would be pissed..unless I HAVE MY 'woman' space too... So... from now on.. tell him that you'll take turns.. if he goes out with his buddies for a guys' night out.. then you'll have your 'girls' night out' the next week.. and you'll be allowed to come in at the time he is... What's good for one HAS to be good for the other.. simple as that.. If he doesn't agree.. well.. no more buddies' night out.. period.. if you don't put your foot down lady... he'll take advantage.. and you'll be stuck home with 2 kids.. when Mister is out fooling around with women.. it's suck but that's reality... so you need to stop the 'pattern' NOW.
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 How often does he go out with the boys? Stay out late? If it's a once in a while thing, then you need to try to relax and enjoy your alone time. If he does this alot, goes out at night while you're home pregnant and with your other child, then there is a problem and he has to prioritize quickly.
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2460340#post2460340 I read your other thread. You need to make connections and friendships with other mom's, join a mothers group.. And, through recommendation, FIND a baby sitter so both you and your H can go out. Don't feel guilty about wanting to get out and enjoy life! Just because you have a child, doesn't mean you give up living.
soserious1 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I know.. I know.. I would be pissed..unless I HAVE MY 'woman' space too... So... from now on.. tell him that you'll take turns.. if he goes out with his buddies for a guys' night out.. then you'll have your 'girls' night out' the next week.. and you'll be allowed to come in at the time he is... What's good for one HAS to be good for the other.. simple as that.. If he doesn't agree.. well.. no more buddies' night out.. period.. if you don't put your foot down lady... he'll take advantage.. and you'll be stuck home with 2 kids.. when Mister is out fooling around with women.. it's suck but that's reality... so you need to stop the 'pattern' NOW. LOL,Girl's night out when you're pregnant or nursing involves being able to slip into your thread bare coat grab your coupon box and go to do the grocery shopping while praying that your toddler sleeps till you get home so that you can avoid a cranky husband upon your return. Boy's night out is much more fun, booze, poker, cigars, strip clubs, lap dances, she's home with the big bulging belly and the 2 yr old, he's out having a grand old time most likely spending money and living it up.
Lizzie60 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I agree soserious.. I doubt she even wants to go out.. it just the 'principle'.... what's good for one HAS to be good for the other. That's what I would tell him.. even if I have no intention of going out..
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Her last thread says she wants to go out, but has noone around. So she feels stuck in the house, being pregnant and with a child.
KikiW Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I don't know why people think she shouldn't be upset about this - I would be really upset if my SO went out and didn't keep in touch, let me know when he expected to be home. Seems like just common courtesy so no one ends up worried. I would do the same thing if the roles were reversed, too, I wouldn't want HIM waiting up at 2am wondering if I'm ok and upset that I didn't give a heads up about what was going on.
Author Hearts and Stars Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 I don't know why people think she shouldn't be upset about this - I would be really upset if my SO went out and didn't keep in touch, let me know when he expected to be home. Seems like just common courtesy so no one ends up worried. I would do the same thing if the roles were reversed, too, I wouldn't want HIM waiting up at 2am wondering if I'm ok and upset that I didn't give a heads up about what was going on. Thank you...I figured he was just gonna go out to the Pub like he said he was going to do and come back home....I asked him to call me when he was on his way home...He did not call and did not come home until 3 am...not cool...he opened the door this morning saying...Babe, I didn't think you would still be up...I just wanted to pull my hair out...But they went to the pub, and to two different clubs...and with him going to clubs just made me even more upset...So all day today he has been complaining about his stomach and i dont even say anything...
Miad's Princess Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 Thank you...I figured he was just gonna go out to the Pub like he said he was going to do and come back home....I asked him to call me when he was on his way home...He did not call and did not come home until 3 am...not cool... But they went to the pub, and to two different clubs...and with him going to clubs just made me even more upset... Well you have every right to be p*ssed and upset... What's gonna happen is the next time he wants to go out you won't trust him.
Canuck1979 Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 How old is your husband? He sounds very self-centered and immature. There's no reason why he should be out boozing it up with his friends and going to different clubs while you're at home pregnant and taking care of a young toddler. He's a husband and father, and with that comes responsibility. If he goes out, you should be with him. If I were in your shoes, I would demand respect. Don't give him the silent treatment. Voice your concerns and let him know that you're upset. If he wants to have male bonding time, then he should join a sports team.
hopeful1980 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 H&S, you need your own life. He's probably not coming home because he wants you to be asleep when he gets home hoping he won't have to hear you nag. Next time, say nothing. Go out with your girlfriend or out to a movie. Don't watch the door like a sap. Write in a journal or something. You can tell him about your displeasure at a later time. Don't do it in an angry way, but be vulnerable. Tell him when he doesn't come home it makes you feel afraid. It's not safe for a woman to be home alone at night and you need him there to protect you and the kids . . . you get the idea. Make him feel like your big strong hero and he's more than likely to come home on time. But if you yell at him and pissed, it will just make him retreat away from you farther.
NowhereToHide Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Hmmm... he didn't want to wake his pregnant wife at 3:00 a.m. to tell her he's on his way. My H would have done the same thing. BUT... My H and I would have had a discussion BEFOREHAND about what time he might be home and if it was okay to call me if it got too late. These things are usually about miscommunication.
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