Sakakawea Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Hello everyone. I was never one for relationships, never had been in one before. I didn't think it was worth it, and found better things to do. I didn't even really believe in love either. I was very out of touch with my emotions, I suppose. I never thought any man would have my heart. And well, I was wrong as you could guess. I found someone who did. And am now in my first relationship. It's interesting. Normally I am not a jealous person, but I can't help but be jealous of his past, and I don't know why. I'm jealous over the fact that he's been in relationships, and been in love with others before. It's confusing. I guess I'm also somewhat sad that I don't have other experiences. I don't want this to bother me but it does. Has anybody been in the same situation and could offer advice?
Malenfant Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Hello everyone. I was never one for relationships, never had been in one before. I didn't think it was worth it, and found better things to do. I didn't even really believe in love either. I was very out of touch with my emotions, I suppose. I never thought any man would have my heart. And well, I was wrong as you could guess. I found someone who did. And am now in my first relationship. It's interesting. Normally I am not a jealous person, but I can't help but be jealous of his past, and I don't know why. I'm jealous over the fact that he's been in relationships, and been in love with others before. It's confusing. I guess I'm also somewhat sad that I don't have other experiences. I don't want this to bother me but it does. Has anybody been in the same situation and could offer advice? its perfectly normal to be feeling this way when you're new to relationships. Especially as he has had previous ones and you havent. your jealous feelings will diminish in time. Just remember these things:, 1) he didnt know you then, so he didnt choose anyone over you 2) For whatever reason, those relationships ended, so they cant have been right 3) he's choosing to be with you now 4) dont be sad that you havent had any other relationships, cherish it. its a very exciting time for you, so try not to allow negative feelings to overshadow the happiness you feel with him.
Bejita463 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 3) he's choosing to be with you now Bears repeating.3) he's choosing to be with you now Bears repeating.3) he's choosing to be with you now Bears repeating. That is how important that line is.
Author Sakakawea Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 I'd like to thank you both for the advice. I don't want it to bother me, but I just can't stop thinking about it.
Malenfant Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I'd like to thank you both for the advice. I don't want it to bother me, but I just can't stop thinking about it. you're welcome. i think you'll find that after thinking about it loads and stressing it, you'll get bored and come round to feeling that its a waste of time. i used to be the kind of person who stressed about things like that, but after a while it just burns itself out, it becomes tiring. i'm sure you'll get over it. its really not worth your time and you're not going to achieve anything. the past is the past.
jerseyboy Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 its perfectly normal to be feeling this way when you're new to relationships. Especially as he has had previous ones and you havent. your jealous feelings will diminish in time. Just remember these things:, 1) he didnt know you then, so he didnt choose anyone over you 2) For whatever reason, those relationships ended, so they cant have been right 3) he's choosing to be with you now 4) dont be sad that you havent had any other relationships, cherish it. its a very exciting time for you, so try not to allow negative feelings to overshadow the happiness you feel with him. Excellent post I hope she listens My two cents. I've been a guy with a gf like you (initial poster), several actually. No matter what he says you wont believe him. But your jealousy will strain the relationship greatly, and prevent it from growing in a healthy and mutually beneficial way. From a personal perspective, all the worrying they went through over it, all the angst and self torture, was so needless. Completely unfounded and unnecessary. I have no reason to lie to you. The only time he likely ever even thinks about an ex is when you bring it up
Els Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 I have vague, fleeting thoughts as well, especially when he gave me access to his email, and I happened to see emails from his ex buried deep in the mound of history. Malenfant gave great advice, though - I'd just like to chime in that it's perfectly normal, everyone has it once in a while, and it's fine as long as you do the sensible thing and remind yourself that the past is the past.
angie2443 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 . I guess I'm also somewhat sad that I don't have other experiences. ? I see a lot of women on the marriage board who married young, with little dating experience except with their husbands, who now regret not having more experiences when they were young. I know you didn't mention marriage or anything. I'm just wondering how young you are and if it might benifit you to have more experiences of your own, apart from your boyfriend, so you don't resent missing out on anything when you grow older. Just a thought.
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